tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22781363891872076132024-03-13T11:04:39.429-07:00NHelleVindicated: I am selfish, I am wrong
I am right, I swear I'm right! Swear I knew it all along, and I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well.
I am seeing in me now, the things you swore you saw yourself...Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-63723990252509261432009-09-21T17:56:00.001-07:002009-09-21T18:02:38.311-07:00Chapter 28“Come on Lovejoy! Get in there…” I shouted as I swung back around towards the other end of the ice. Vitale sent the puck spiralling backwards at me; and I was lucky to get enough of it that I could push it up to Tangradi. Shot down in front of the net, Tangradi turned the puck over and once again Lovejoy let one of the Pirates past him. <span style="font-style:italic;">Don’t send a man to do a woman’s job</span>, I sighed as I hopped back into the bench. <br />I watched as the Pirates got a lucky shot past Thiessen; tying the game up at 3-3. I let out a sigh as I turned around and looked up towards the box. <br />Even though he was an owner, it wasn’t very often that Mario Lemieux came to watch our games; needless to say, I wanted to do good. I wanted to win. <br /><br /><br />It had been projected that I would be selected in one of the top three slots; but apparently being the first girl in the NHL had some liability issues. After all the hoopla, the media frenzy and the statistics were in; I had been selected 120th overall, at the end of the 4th round - by the Pittsburgh Penguins.<br />Jake had gone first overall to Tampa Bay, Consti had gone second to the LA Kings. After a few Swedes, Russians and Canuks, Rennie had gone 11th overall to the Hawks.<br />After everything was finished; I had sat through another hour of interviews - nodding my head and masking any emotions that I felt. <span style="font-style:italic;">“I had no expectations coming into the draft… I’m just glad that I’ve been picked by such a great organization and I hope I don’t let them down… No I don’t feel that being selected so low will effect the way I play if I make the Penguins team… I hope to make the team this year, but who knows; they’re an amazing group already so I’ll just have to wait and see.”</span><br />The Penguin representatives, on the other hand, had other ideas. <span style="font-style:italic;">“If there’s a need throughout the season then Carlie will be the first person that we will be calling up. We would love to have her out there now but we think the best transition for her will be to spend a season or two on our Scranton team. There is a major size and experience difference when you get into the NHL, the Penguins organization believe that Carlie Simone will become an asset to the team; but we want to let her excel in the AHL first.”</span><br /><br />I had tried to hide my disappointment, tried my best to smile and be happy for my friends; but it was hard. <br />It was hard sitting in the auditorium and watching guys that I knew I could dominate be called, over and over again, to their respective teams; while I was overlooked. <br />I had tried my best to hide my disappointment; and for the media, my best had worked. With the end of the first round, I was old news. I was a has-been before I ever was. The fans of the NHL and the collective hockey world had watched me under a microscope for months; and had decided that I was nothing more than a wannabe; a little girl trying to compete in a man‘s world.<br /><br /><br />In private, hidden from the world, Geno had said he believed in me, believed that I would make it; and more than I deserved, he waited diligently for my name to be called - then hugged me like I’d gone first. <br />Harder still, was to let him go; remind myself that I couldn’t hold onto him. <br />I had flew home from Ottawa that night - packed my things and left my parents house the next day; moving into a 4 bedroom house with Lovejoy, James, and Grant. <br /><br /><br />“Not so bad… 9 games; 11 goals, 8 assists.” Mario chuckled as he came up behind me in the dressing room. I nodded my head, giving him a smile over my shoulder and I grabbed my purse out of my stall. “Think you’ll be ready for the big show next year?”<br /><br />“That depends, are you asking, or offering?” He smiled and followed me out into the hall; away from the reporters that were still milling around.<br /><br />“Both I suppose… there’s been a lot of injuries this year. I might need you sooner.” I stopped walking and turned around, staring at him incredulity. <br /><br />“Don’t joke about that…” <br /><br />“I’m not. I’m not saying for sure either; we’ll see how it goes. I just wanted to let you know… keep up the good work. Vindication is a hard thing to do, but it’s worth it - I promise you that much Carlie.” I nodded slowly as he walked away and Lovejoy took his place in front of me. <br /><br />“Out tonight, Carlie?” I shook my head, causing the grin on his face to fall.<br /><br />“You guys go ahead, I’ll see you at home tonight.” I turned away from him and headed down towards the parking lot, before he could stop me.<br /><br /><br />We only lived about 20 minutes away from the rink; the perfect distance. Long enough that you could belt out a few tunes on the way to practice, but not long enough for you to freak out before the game.<br />Lovejoy, James and Grant were all great guys. Lovejoy was the party-boy, the one that was always getting himself into trouble; and not caring about it at all. James was like the fixture I never had; he was patient and caring - not to mention a natural born leader (why he made such a great Captain). Grant was just a regular everyday guy. He had a girlfriend back home in Nova Scotia; and when he wasn’t on the phone with her he was playing Xbox or working-out.<br /><br /><br /><br />I saw the light of the answering machine flashing as I came through the door and chucked my keys down on the table. I walked towards it and hit the button. “Hey CC! Great game, I watched it with Marty… he said to tell you that you played awesome. Give me a shout whenever you get in.” I smiled as Mattie’s voice filled the room. <br />He really was incredible; there was no hint of animosity or bitterness in his voice at all as he spoke. I knew I wouldn't be as accepting as he was. <br />I hit the speaker button and dialed his number; letting the phone ring as I walked around the kitchen, making some food. “Hey!” He exclaimed excitedly after only 2 rings.<br /><br />“Geesh, sitting on the phone much babe?”<br /><br />“Just waiting for you. Feeling good about that one?”<br /><br />He was eager, as always, to hear about the game, the team, the way the ice played. It was good to talk to him; he was better than re-watching the game on a tape. He pulled out the good and the bad, gave suggestions, and talked plays out with me.<br />I told him about what Mario had said to me after the game, and we analyzed what it could mean, from every possible angle; before saying goodnight. <br /><br />I fell down onto my bed and sighed. Trying to fall asleep quickly, before I allowed any bad thoughts to pour out. <br />My body was exhausted, but my mind was wired. I was awake for so long, that I could hear the boys coming into the house. I rolled over and watched the door, as two shadows passed by my door; another stopping just outside. I smiled slightly as I watched my wonderful distraction push the door open. <br /><br />Connor James gave me a smile as he closed to door behind him. “Room for one more?” He asked softly as he crossed the room, not waiting for a response as he pulled off his shirt and climbed in behind me.<br />I wasn’t in love with him, and he wasn’t in love with me. Anything I did with James, was under a strict ‘no strings’ condition. With were friends and team-mates, who also just happened to be each others distraction. <br /><br />His girlfriend of four years had broken up with him the summer before; and I spent my free time trying to remind myself why I needed to stay away from Geno and Mattie - in the relationship sense anyway. <br />We were the perfect match of abandonment and destruction, and for right now... that's all I could allow myself to have. <br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Mattie's POV</span><br /><br />I hung up the phone with Carlie and called Marty back into the living room. He flopped down on the couch and we continued our game of Halo. He didn’t ask me how the conversation had gone; because we both knew what I’d say - the same thing I said every night. <br /><br />Things had changed so much in the past 6 months. From the accident, to the draft, to my friends moving away…<br />Sure Carlie was only an hour away but; it would never be the same… <span style="font-style:italic;">I</span> would never be the same.<br /><br />I tried to push the thought out of my mind but I couldn’t. I hated this; what I had become mentally, emotionally, physically. <br />As far as the guys said; Carlie was single now… which was good. It meant that she still loved me. I, unfortunately, knew better. Carlie was single because she wanted to be single… because she couldn’t make up her mind. Maybe she had made up her mind, and she just didn’t want to tell me.<br /><br />The only reason she wasn’t with him, as far as I could tell; was because she felt guilty about me every time she thought about him. She wasn’t with me because… well… who would want me now?<br /><br />Carlie could have anyone. She was going to play in the NHL; and even without that she had guys tripping over themselves to get to her. She could date NHLers for crying out loud. So why me?<br />I was suppose to play in the NHL too; I was suppose to have a normal life, a normal existence - and now what?<br /><br />Now I’ve got nothing to offer. Mediocre at school, mediocre at life. The only thing I was ever good at was hockey… and I would never play it again.<br />No, I didn’t hold it against Carlie, I didn’t hold it against anyone. All my friends deserved to be where they are in life now… I just wished that I could be with them. <br /><br />Carlie was on the up-and-up. She was worried, scared, confused; but she was heading in the right direction; even if she didn’t realize it. <br />I was done. Why would someone want me? A stupid, faulty, good-for-nothing paraplegic.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-60899668627186256672009-09-16T15:54:00.000-07:002009-09-16T20:21:59.531-07:00Chapter 27***So short I know but... I didn't want to tack this on to another update so... here's a little blip... a <span style="font-style:italic;">real</span> update coming soon lol***<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Alone. How do you explain such a susceptible term? How do you lie in a building, bursting with people, and feel like you’re the only one left on earth? How do you long for people and then push them away when they come, only to wish that they were back once again? Back to save you from the loneliness; the crushing emptiness that surrounds you, closes in around you - alone.<br /><br />How do you cry when there’s nothing left? When your mind can’t function and your heart can’t handle anymore? Your throat burns with every breath you take; and you wish that they would just stop. Your eyes are glazed and your body feels like it’s being pulled apart; torment rips through everything - throbbing.<br /><br />How do you gaze up at the man that loves you, and continue to look him in the eye as your heart breaks over the one person he wishes you would have forgotten about long ago? How do you face him, knowing that the world has changed? Knowing that no matter what has been said, or what will happen from here on out; that you can never go back to the way that you were.<br /><br />How do you live once you’ve known death? Once you’ve known the raw edge of a life being put out. When it’s that close, how do you survive? How do you hold on to innocence and naïve dreams, once your mortality has been brutally smashed in front of you? Where does your immortality go?<br /><br />How do you continue on? How do you continue to put one foot in front of the other and face the day?<br />Most importantly, how do you let go? <br /><br />Letting go…</span>at that thought I gripped on tighter. Holding on with any strength left in my weary arms. <span style="font-style:italic;">Is there anything more beautiful than the feel of a warm body? A body with a heart beat and a breath… how we take for granted the feel of life. <br />Is physically letting go of someone harder than letting them go mentally? I think not. <br />You can move away from a body, as easy as you can draw a breath. You just shove off, let go, and then it’s gone. If only the mind worked so easily…<br />But it doesn’t, and no amount of wishing or pain can make my mind let go of the boy that I had loved - still loved? Who knows?<br /><br />Do I love him again because my Mattie is gone? Or have I always loved him… and it took this… this to know for sure? And what does it even mean now? Is it a better love for finding the truth, or a lesser love for never existing.</span> <br /><br />I took a deep breath, inhaling life. Pressing closer into the vivacity beneath me. <span style="font-style:italic;">Will be it like this forever now? Has my inexperienced life been lost forever? Why does loss spread itself so far away from where it started.</span> <br /><br />I continue to lie with his arm draped across me; loosely, too loosely. He won’t close it though, not anymore. He’s with me physically, but his mind is not here; or it is, and he just doesn’t have the heart to hold me - his subconscious self is trying to push me out. <span style="font-style:italic;">I am more pain then I’m worth. Why do I continue to hurt him so much… what more can I do, I kill people; I ruin lives. My mistakes - my selfishness - is the demise of the innocent.</span> <br /><br />I knew in my heart that the accident was my fault. If I hadn’t invited Geno to come talk to me - encouraged him like that - this wouldn’t have happened. If I hadn’t kissed him - this wouldn’t have happened. If I had of heard Mattie out, gave him time to explain himself - this wouldn’t have happened. <br /><br />I didn’t deserve to be here now; wrapping my arms around him, nuzzling into his neck, running my fingers through his dark hair as my tears fell liberally. <span style="font-style:italic;">Why do I continue to hurt him so much?</span><br /><br />I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat steadily through his chest; a sound that life had taught me to never take for granted. <br /><br />Thinking back to yesterday; so much had changed. Everything I had ever wanted seemed so foolish - my entire life’s work was now just a dim, foolish memory. <br />I couldn’t stop the tears at all anymore, as once again the pain burned up through my chest. I thought back to all the days before, the better days, <span style="font-style:italic;">will I ever feel that way again?<br />And what about the eyes, that knew me so well. Always loving, deep, passionate; how do you forget that?</span><br /><br />Something in the back of my mind was telling me that I still had a purpose, something I would have to get up and do; that my life once had a meaning… Once I was also safe though, and even next to a warm solid body; the innocent belief in safety I had once had, was no more.<br /><br />I knew those were fleeting thoughts though, and as much as I knew it was killing Geno, I couldn’t bring myself to forgo the new duties that had been instilled in me. <span style="font-style:italic;">Of course I had a meaning, a purpose; it was just simplified now…<br />Spend every moment holding onto him…</span><br />Until he woke up; until I had to tell him that he would never be the same. The words flew through my mind as I allowed his heartbeat to steady my breathing again as I put my head back down on Mattie‘s warm chest..<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Don’t let go… don’t let go…</span>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-29817158269250839062009-09-12T16:52:00.000-07:002009-09-12T20:47:23.661-07:00Chapter 26Geno had me in a death-grip when I woke up. I laughed silently to myself as I tried to wiggle my way out of it. He mumbled something intangible in his sleep; causing my giggles to renew. <br />I heard a light tap at the door and froze. “Evgeni… Evgeni, someone’s at your door.” I whispered, trying to wake him.<br /><br />He mumbled something at me in Russian before he rolled over. “Oh…” he sighed when he saw me; that crooked grin spreading across his face. He pushed himself out of bed and walked towards the door. <br />I couldn’t see who was there but, judging by the voice it was his father. They spoke for a minute before Evgeni came back in, closing the door behind him. “He think I kill you.” He chuckled as he climbed back into bed beside me.<br /><br />“Why?” I yawned as I nuzzled into him.<br /><br />“He say… sound like I try kill you.” I groaned as I realized what he meant. <span style="font-style:italic;">Of course they would have heard everything last night...</span><br />He laughed softly, the motion shaking me slightly; he seemed very unconcerned about the whole thing. <br />We lied there a bit more; it was nice to feel so safe, being held by a strong man. “Eat?” He asked, pulling me into the present.<br /><br />“Sure!” I grinned sitting up. I was starving but I didn’t want to leave his bed; in fact I knew I wouldn’t, if he didn’t at least leave it first.<br /><br />I watched him get up again, his boxer barely staying up over his hips as he moved around the room. I stared in fascination as he turned towards me, shimmying himself into a pair of loose blue jeans. Not realizing I was watching him he continued to look for a shirt. Grabbing a white one out of his closet he stretched up and pulled it down over his head; the fabric moving down to cover his delicious torso…<br />I sighed and climbed out too; <span style="font-style:italic;">if I stayed in there any longer…</span> I grinned to myself, pulling on my jeans from last night and searching for my shirt. <br />I looked up to see Evgeni holding it out to me. I smiled at him before I pulled it over my head. <br /><br />We donned our coats before heading downstairs. I was more than slightly mortified as we made our way past his parents. I was sure that they would hate me for sleeping with their son, but they both smiled at me warmly as I followed him out the door. <br /><br />We walked arm and arm down the street; apparently Geno was even more famous in Russia than Pittsburgh. Almost everyone we saw either said hello or acknowledged him in some way.<br />It made me feel good - in a selfish way - being with someone like that.<br /><br />We were seated at an exclusive table at a very expensive looking restaurant, Geno sitting next to me. The waitress came and gave us the lunch menus. I cocked my head at it as I held it in my hand before asking Evgeni for the time. <br />“Umm, 2-4-4” he said before turning back to his menu.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Holy crap! How did I sleep that long?</span> I sighed to myself, <span style="font-style:italic;">I guess it wasn’t really that long, since we were up most of the night…</span> I let my eyes wander over the menu too.<br /><br />We ate a great lunch together; Evgeni was infectious - you couldn’t do anything but love him. By the time he was paying the bill, my face was soar from smiling so much. <br />Heading back out onto the street we walked along aimlessly for a bit; before heading back to my hotel. <br />The closer we got, the more awful I felt. Evgeni’s hand found mine, almost like he was subconsciously reaffirming my decision. I was going to break up with Mattie. <br /><br />It hurt to think about, but it was my fault. No matter what happened from this point on; anything that I went through, was my fault. <br />I knew that I was going to be devastated without Mattie, but I couldn’t keep hurting him; and for whatever reason, I couldn’t stay away from Evgeni. Especially not now. <br /> <br />I sighed as we reached the door, figuring what I was going to do next, would not be pleasant. “I go too?” Evgeni asked as he put a finger under my chin; tilting my face towards him. <br />Yes! My mind demanded as I gave him a small smile; but I shook my head no.<br /><br />“I should really do this alone…” He nodded and followed me into the lobby; plopping down on one of the couches.<br />We had decided at lunch that it would be better if I moved in to his house for the remainder of the tournament. Coach wouldn’t notice my absence and it would be easier on both Mattie and I, if we didn’t have to continue to share a room together. Part of me also understood Evgeni’s point of view; his girlfriend in a room with her ex-boyfriend wasn’t a happy thought.<br /><br /><br />I opened the door to the room; expecting to see Mattie and a few of the boys kicking around - but the room was empty. So empty; it looked like no one had been in there for a while. I took a quick walk around, looking for some sign of where he might be. <br />I shrugged my shoulders and started throwing my things back in my suitcase. As much as I wanted to talk to Mattie and clear the air, I was selfishly happy that I didn’t have to face him… I knew it would happen eventually, but it was nice to be able to put it off. <br />I pulled my suitcase after me as I exited the room. “Woah! Alright… so we’re going?” I turned around to see Rennie walking towards me.<br /><br />“What are you talking about? Going where?”<br /><br />“We were waiting to see what coach said about the rest of the tournament… like… if we’re gonna keep playing, or if we’re leaving.” <br /><br />I started laugh, “Rennie what the hell are you talking about? I’m leaving the hotel… why wouldn’t we be staying for the tournament?” This whole conversation was confusing me; and I was getting antsy, the sooner I left the better.<br /><br />He stared at me incredulity, his mouth falling open. “Why are you in such a good mood?” He asked quietly, looking around the hall.<br /><br />I shrugged my shoulders. “Is this about Evgeni and Mattie?” <span style="font-style:italic;">How much does everyone know now?</span> “Cause, that’s where I’m going… to Evgeni’s. I’m upset about the whole thing with Mattie but…” I shrugged my shoulders and gave him a weak smile. <br /><br />“Do you not know?” He asked, stepping towards me.<br /><br />“Not know what?” Rennie stared at me, shaking his head slowly as he pondered my question. He grabbed my arm and pulled me after him down the hall.<br /><br />Geno was waiting for us in the lobby; he shot Rennie a glare as he caught sight of his hand around my arm. “We have to go…” Rennie said to Evgeni as we got closer. “Come on!” He called over his shoulder as he headed for the door. Geno looked at me, wondering what was going on. I told him I didn’t know and he grabbed my luggage as we followed after Rennie. <br /><br />Rennie refused to say anything as we grabbed a cab and headed to Geno’s. I watched as Evgeni set my luggage inside his house before returning to the cab. <br />The longer we drove the more antsy Geno became. He started shooting questioning glances at Rennie as we drove deeper into town; coming to stop outside of a giant building. <br /><br />We walked through the doors and I realized that we were standing in the lobby of a hospital. I glanced over at Rennie, who was already walking towards the elevator. <br />We rode in silence until the fourth floor; when Rennie hopped out and headed down the hill. He stopped halfway down, throwing the door open. “Dude! I could have been getting my freak on with that hot nurse… dick…” I heard Consti grumble as I followed Rennie into the room. <br /><br />“Consti!” I screamed, throwing my hands over my mouth. I rushed to his side and jumped on him, pulling him into a hug. <br /><br />“Wow… good to see you to.” He pulled away and gave me a smile, nodding at Geno and Rennie. <br /><br />“What happened? Why are you in here?”<br /><br />Consti stared at me with disbelief on his face. <span style="font-style:italic;">Why is everyone looking at me like that?</span> I sighed as I waited for him to continue. “Ummm… we were in a car accident last night, Carlie…” <br /><br />“We?”<br /><br />“Me, Mattie and a cabbie.” He said slowly, studying my reaction.<br /><br />“What?! Where’s Mattie?” I shoved myself off the bed, backing away. “Where’s Mattie at Consti?” <br /><br />He cocked his head to the side and studied me. “He’s still in intensive care.” <br /><br />“What do you mean… like… he’s hurt? It was bad? You don’t look that bad…” I rambled, unable to function properly any longer. <br /><br />“I just got a few cuts and bruises…”<br /><br />“And everyone else?” I pressed, looking back and forth between Conti and Rennie.<br /><br />“The cabbie died; he died on impact.” Rennie said softly, causing my breath to catch in my throat.<br /><br />“Mattie?” I whispered out, now turning my eyes to the floor, unable to focus on anything. <br /><br />“Carlie?” I looked up to see Dean standing in the door way, motioning for me to follow him. <br /><br />I walked past Geno and Rennie, back out into the hallway. “Dean… what’s going on?” I pressed as soon as we were away from Consti’s room.<br /><br />“Alright… Carlie; the boys were in a bad accident last night. Consti’s going to be fine. He has a bit of whiplash but that’s the worse of it for him.”<br /><br />“And Mattie?”<br /><br />He looked at my face and then away. He exhaled loudly and shook his head slowly.<br /><br />“Mattie?” I asked again, louder, as I felt my throat beginning to burn. <br /><br />“I’m sorry Carlie.” He turned and headed down the hallway, away from me.<br /><br />“Sorry? Sorry for what? Why are you sorry?!” I screamed down the hall as Dean continued to walk away from me. “Somebody tell me what the fuck is going on!” I felt hands grabbing my shoulder and turning me around.<br /><br />Geno crushed me into his chest and I began to sob uncontrollably. He held me for a minute before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me to the waiting room. <br />Setting me down a chair, I watched him with blurred vision as he headed to the information counter. <br />I laid down in the chair; curling up into a ball as I stared into space.<br /><br />At some point Geno had come back and moved me onto his lap. “Evgeni?” I whispered quietly, not sure if I was even talking at all.<br /><br />“Yes?”<br /><br />“What did they say… is he going to be alright?” I turned me head to look up at him as he pointedly stared away from me. “Evgeni?” He looked down at me and let out a sigh.<br /><br />“I sorry.” Was all he said. It was all he needed to say. With renewed sobs I covered my face with my hands as Geno pulled me up against his chest. Holding onto me for dear life.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-41719428679033205852009-09-08T19:03:00.000-07:002009-09-08T19:08:39.621-07:00Chapter 25<span style="font-weight:bold;">Two Years Previous</span><br /><br />Good old pond ice; was there anything better? Not a chance. <span style="font-style:italic;">I thought as I propelled myself around the perimeter of the ice. It was a flooded lake that I hadn’t been on for years, but it still felt natural, comfortable.<br />It was getting dark but; luckily the city had installed lights at some point - probably when Crosby came and hockey was cool again. I shook my head as I remembered the day I had just had. <br />Our team was lucky enough to have gotten a chance to practice at Mellon Arena; it was amazing. Some of the guys stayed after to meet the wonder kid but; I had had no interest. I laughed as I remembered the look on Mattie’s face - I won’t be surprised to hear he asked Crosby on a date, he totally had a man-crush.<br />Another plus of tonight, was the fact that playing in that huge stadium had given me another taste of the good life. I wanted, no needed, to play pro hockey… NHL or bust. At that thought I dropped the tip of my stick on the ice and started taking some shots on the tipped over garbage can - acting as a net. <br /><br />“And it’s Simone with the shot, she feints to the left, back to the right; and it’s a beautiful shot in the 5-hole, as the crowd goes wild!” I screamed, bouncing down onto a knee in a mock-celebration. I laughed at myself as I hoped back up, realizing for the first time that I wasn’t laughing alone.<br /><br />I turned quickly, towards the deep laughter, catching site of a towering man standing at the end of the ice.</span> Ugh, that’s embarrassing… <span style="font-style:italic;">I sighed and skated over towards him, hoping to save some face. “Hey, how’s it going?” I said loudly as I came to a stop a few feet away;</span> crap he’s big.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">He let out a groan and shook his head, sadness on his face. “Are you ok?” I pressed, moving closer. He looked up to meet my eyes, letting out a huff. He pointed back down the ice at the puck.<br /><br />“Hoo-kay?” He said in a thick accent; his deep voice resonating through the quiet December air. I gave him a smile; understanding the sadness on his face. The poor guys’ Ukrainian or something, he probably doesn’t know a word of English, I chuckled as I reached out my hand to him. <br /><br />“You. Play. Hockey?” I said, making pictionary-ish movements with each word. He laughed and nodded, taking my hand and following me back towards the ’nets’. <br />He moved fluidly for a big-guy, and I was impressed with how at home he seemed on ice. We skated around a few laps, I was passing him easily but I wasn’t sure if it was because I could; or because he was letting me.<br /><br />We started playing one on one; he was incredible. We chased each other around and I held my own; but there was no doubt he was a talented player.</span> Who are you? <span style="font-style:italic;">I thought silently as he flashed me another crooked, boyish, grin.<br />There was also no doubt that he was loving this; my looks of appreciation and sincere wonder. I didn’t bother trying to hide the fact that I was impressed - it wasn’t like I could just come out and say it, I might as well let him know somehow.<br /><br />We played until midnight - when the city turned the lights off - before calling it a night. We both stopped at the half buried picnic table to remove our skates. I dumped mine into my bag and zipped it up. “Ummm… bye!” I said for lack of anything else to say. Of course this was a lot of things that I wanted to say to the beautiful man that I had just messed around with for more than 4 hours; but it wasn’t like he’d understand it anyway. <br />He looked at me, like he had things on his mind too; but I gave him a last smile and turned to leave.<br /><br />I was four blocks away when a car honked at me. I turned around to see a huge SUV pulling up behind me. The windows were tinted so I couldn’t see who was inside - against better judgement I walked over to it anyway. <br />I couldn’t keep the smile off my face as he pointed into his vehicle, “Hoam.” He said it smugly, grinning at me with that toothy charm I was becoming so accustomed to. I hoped in beside him then sighed;</span> how was I suppose to explain to him where I lived? <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">A normally 20 minute drive turned into a 2 hour ordeal as he finally pulled into my drive-way, laughing endlessly. I whipped my eyes as the tears-fell from them;</span> I can’t remember the last time I’ve laughed this hard, <span style="font-style:italic;">I thought happily as I opened the door. “Ummm…” He sighed looking over at me. <br />Suddenly his face lit up and he motioned for me to get back in. I sighed and did as I was told, closing the door on the cold night air. As I looked back over I saw he was holding a cell phone to his ear. He mumbled a few words in his crazy gibberish, before hitting another button and holding the phone out between us. <br /><br />“Hello?” A mans voice sounded out. The boy looked at me and nodded; excitement etched clearly on his face.<br /><br />“Hi…” I said slowly,</span> who the hell is this?<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">“Oh, oh… hi. My name’s Sergi and the guy you’re with is Evgeni… he doesn’t speak English.”<br /><br />“You don’t say?” I laughed, looking up at the boy - Evgeni.<br /><br />Evgeni said some more gibberish and Sergi spoke to me. “He wants to know your name…”<br /><br />“Carlie. My name’s Carlie.” Evgeni smiled at me and looked back down at his phone.<br /><br />“He wants to know if he can see you again.”<br /><br />“Yes.” I said, almost forgetting that it was someone else, “yes…” I nodded earnestly at the smiling boy. He pulled the phone back up to his ear and spoke quickly. He hung it up a short-time later and smiled at me again. <br />I almost wanted to ask why we couldn’t do that for the directions but I laughed the idea away; I had too much fun to question anything, especially someone who had no idea what I was asking.<br /><br />I took one last look at him across the seat and turned to leave. Evgeni grabbed my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it softly; before I ran into my empty house. <br /><br />I flopped down on my bed and giggled; a foreign sound on my lips. It was after 2 now, and I wasn’t tired at all;</span> what an amazing night. What an amazing guy.<br />I wonder who he is, where he came from, why’s he here?<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">There were so many things I wanted to learn about this guy. This was such a new area for me; I was use to guys but not guys in this capacity. Either way, I was sure tonight was going to change everything. </span><br /><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;"><br />Eight Months Later</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">“Geno… I’m sorry.” I paced back and forth, unable to sit still anymore; how many times was he going to make me say this? “You know I care about you… you’re great, I just…” I sighed and turned to face him. He was sitting with his head in his hands, flopped on a bench in the Penguins dressing room.<br /><br />“Why you go?” His voice was deeper than usual; husky, emotional. “I no… you no… no.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at me, his eyes pleading. <br /><br />I dropped down on my knees in front of him. “This isn’t the end Evgeni… look at me.” He had dropped his eyes but he brought them back up at my request; he always did anything I told him to. “I need to do this on my own. I already get shit now… people already say that I’m only on my team because coach is dating my cousin. Geno, I need to do this. I need to get into the NHL… if I’m…” I let out another sigh and moved to sit beside him, resting my head on his shoulder. “Evgeni… say that I do get drafted; by some stroke of luck. I’ll be laughed back out if people find out that I was dating a pro-hockey player. They’ll assume I only got in because of you. Can you understand that?”<br /><br />He turned his head towards me, “I no know…” I looked away again as the tears began to fall.<br /><br />“I’m sorry.” I shrugged, pushing myself off the bench. “I’m so sorry, Evgeni.” I headed towards the door, stopping only when he called my name.<br /><br />“If you in… we together?” I turned back around and nodded at him. “if you no in… we together?” I nodded again.<br /><br />“If you still want me, then yes.”<br /><br />“You no leave… new guy?”<br /><br />I shook my head, “I’m not leaving for another guy; you’re my only guy.”<br /><br />He gave me a sad smile and nodded, “I wait.”<br /><br />“You don’t have to-” I began to say as he cut me off.<br /><br />“I wait.” He said again, firmly.<br /><br />I gave him a fleeting smile as I let the door close behind me. I had spent my entire life trying to get taken seriously in the game; it was my life, I needed to succeed. <br />Leaving Evgeni was an impossible task. I was serious when I said I would love to see him again, regardless of what happens; once my shot at the draft had come. I doubted he’d wait for me though; Evgeni Malkin shouldn’t have to wait for anyone.</span><br />Do I love him? No, I don’t think so but regardless… I was sure tonight was going to change everything.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-64839041635735187362009-09-06T16:07:00.000-07:002009-09-06T16:14:05.861-07:00Chapter 24<span style="font-style:italic;">Mattie’s POV</span><br /><br />She had come back smiling; chatting away with Rennie and Consti like nothing had happened, like my world hadn’t just come crashing down around me. <span style="font-style:italic;">How had we gotten so far from where we started? How had we ended up like this?</span><br />We were both at fault, not that that made it any better - <span style="font-style:italic;">two wrongs don’t make a right, right?</span><br />She looked over at me and her smiling stopped, not because she saw me, but because of the look on my face. I realized that my face was twisted into anger; not at her, but at myself. I tried to change it, smile at her - but it was too late, she had already turned away.<br /><br />She didn’t speak to me the whole day, and I didn’t speak to her. We avoided each other as much as possible without drawing attention to it. I couldn’t even focus during practice; I was that angry at myself. I kept running over the night before in my head, trying to figure out why I had said things so horribly. I should have told her that I loved her, that I wasn’t thinking, that the girl meant nothing and I would never do it again. I didn’t though, I had watched her walk away and I never bothered to follow her, never bothered to call her. <br />I tried to convince myself that I was giving her the space she needed but I didn’t know if that was true anymore. <br />She was so… unemotional when she was around me now, like being with me was just something she had to do before she could leave and be happy again. I love Carlie, loved her enough that I wanted to her to be happy; even if it wasn’t me that made her happy any more. The thought of her with him made me sick, I wanted to be the one that was there for her, I wanted to be the one she depended on; laughed with, cried with.<br /><br />Leaving the ice I looked up into his face, and rage came boiling up inside of me. He was here - of course he was here - watching her. She was playing amazing and I couldn’t even keep up; he gave me a small smile and it took all my will-power to not throw myself through the glass on to him. <br />Every thought I had had for the entire day was gone; as I watched - watching me - I knew that she needed me. I knew her, I wanted her, I always had. He knew nothing about her; she was just some girl to him… she was my whole world. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />I watched him grab her arm and pull her down the hallway. I exhaled loudly and looked around the room; everyone was either staring at the swinging door, or watching me. <br />I grabbed my jacket off the hook and threw the door open. I felt people moving behind me but I didn’t stop to see who it was. I stormed down the hallway, rounding a corner before coming to a halt. I slammed my fist into the wall, feeling it crack from the pressure. “FUCK!” <span style="font-style:italic;">What the fuck is wrong with me?</span> Why did I just do that. Now I couldn’t play if it was broken; and judging by the shooting pain that ripped in my hand every time I moved, it was broken. <br /><br />“Mattie?” I turned around and saw Consti watching me. “Let’s get out of here… you need to get that looked at.”<br /><br />“I don’t want to go.” I slumped down on the floor, holding my broken hand out in my lap. I was pouting, I was being a baby, I didn’t give a shit.<br />I couldn’t believe that I had said those things to her; <span style="font-style:italic;">what is wrong with me?</span> “Consti… I called her a whore…” <br /><br />“I know you did but, you’ve always been a dumbass.” I stared up at him incredulously.<br /><br />“Gee, thanks.”<br /><br />“I’m just saying… she’s probably more upset about the situation then the fact that you said something dumb… you always say stupid things.”<br /><br />“You’re one to talk.” I retorted, looking away from his smiling face.<br /><br />“Yah well, I’m not the one on trial here.“ He plopped down beside me and started laughing, “ok so, what was this about a Russian girl at the bar? Did you actually pick up?” I huffed out a sigh and continued to look away. Consti let out a low whistle in response, “wow, never thought you’d have the balls.”<br /><br />“Damnit Consti! This isn’t helping!” I clenched my hands into fist and let out a scream. “Fuck!”, already forgot about the hand.<br /><br />“Mattie, just calm down man…”<br /><br />“Calm down!? Consti, I just told my girlfriend, the girl that I LOVE, that she was a whore and that she didn’t matter to me… and you want me to calm down?”<br /><br />“Yep.”<br /><br />I pushed myself off the floor and spun around the glare at him. “That’s the worst idea ever! I need to do something… she’s leaving… with him .” I spat the last word out.<br /><br />“Yah, but here’s why we’re not going to do that. Number one, he’s a big fuckin guy, and I <span style="font-style:italic;">really</span> don’t feel like watching you get your ass kicked - because you will. Number two, Carlie’s gonna go wherever she wants to go.” He shrugged his shoulders, “if she wants to leave with him, we’re not gonna stop her… you know that.”<br /><br />And I did. I knew there was no point in chasing after her, which was why I didn’t. I let out a groan and tried to keep my burning eyes from tearing up. “What if she sleeps with him?” I asked quietly, unable to keep the fear out of my voice.<br /><br />“He might crush her… she pretty tiny but-”<br /><br />“Consti!”<br /><br />“Ugh, Mattie what do you want me to say? So what? Who gives a shit? If she wants to sleep with him, then fine, let her. Are you still gonna love her if she does?”<br /><br />“Yes…”<br /><br />“Then what’s the problem?”<br /><br />“It’ll… suck…” I finished weakly, sitting down on the floor again.<br /><br />“Yah well, it probably sucked when you got on some chick the other night.” He remarked thoughtfully.<br /><br />“Well, it sucked when she made out with him the night before that!” I fired back.<br /><br />He chuckled and shook his head, “you kids are quiet the pair, you know that?”<br /><br />We both sat in the deserted hallway for a while, not saying anything. After what felt like forever, the throbbing in my hand had subsided; but it was swelling bad. “How did this get so fucked up?” I asked, not really directed at anyone.<br /><br />“You punched a cement wall… shithead…”<br /><br />“Not my hand!” I sighed and shook my head, “Carlie and me…”<br /><br />“Oh… I don’t know. She’s in love with two people… that both love her; that’d fuck me up.” I nodded in agreement, as much as it hurt to think about, I had to admit that it was true. <br />I love Carlie and I knew she loved me. But she loved him too, and some part of me knew - even if I didn’t want to admit it - that he loved her too. <br /><br />Consti pushed himself up and motioned for me to follow. I walked in step behind him as we made our way out into the Russian night. “Let’s go get that looked at; I think it might be a knuckle.” I nodded my head and glanced down at my hand again, while Consti flagged down a cab. <br /><br />It was hailing buckets by the time we got in. Consti instructed the cab driver to take us to the hospital and sat back in his seat. “Consti…” I began, watching the hail pelt against the window as we took of through the streets. “I need to make this up to her… but I don’t know how. We need to start over…”<br /><br />“Well I’m sure you’ll figure that out when the time comes bud.” I tried to nod in agreement; but it came out more as a shrug. I returned my attention to the outside world, watching the winter night pass by in a blur.<br /><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;"><br /><br />Consti’s POV</span><br /><br />I felt the car screech beneath me as the driver tried to stop too fast at a red light. The rear-end of the car shot out sideways and lunged forward. My hand flew out and grabbed onto the driver’s seat as I braced myself for what I knew would be a crash. <br />I glanced over at Mattie who was braced similarly; noticing he didn’t have his seatbelt buckled. “Seatbelt Mattie!” I screamed as the front of the car slammed into something hard. <br />I looked up in time to see the world beginning to twist; as the car started to flip on the ice. <br /><br />We turned a number of times before the car stopped; right-side-up against a guard-railing. I let out a huff and looked down at myself. <br />The roof was almost fully caved in and the window next to me was busted outward; the ice-air assaulting me as I examined the small-cuts around my arms. I reached up and grabbed my shoulder - under the seatbelt - it was soar, but not broken. <br />“Where’s the other car?” I asked as I undid my belt. “Hey…” I reached forward and shoved the driver gently on the shoulder. He flopped forward; dead or unconscious I wasn’t sure. “Holy shit, Mattie…”<br />I glanced to my right, looking for Mattie; he wasn’t there. <br />The car was crushed in worse on his side and the window was gone; his seatbelt sat, still unstrapped. “Mattie?” I yelled looking around the cab before crawling over to his side of the car. <br />There was blood on the seat but no Mattie; <span style="font-style:italic;">if he got thrown out…</span> I said silently, refusing to finish the thought. I grabbed the handle and tried to open the door but it wouldn’t budge. I backed up and slammed my leg into it a few times before I felt the nausea hit. I fell backwards onto the seat as the darkness fell in around me…Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-26718152650022855082009-09-04T17:21:00.001-07:002009-09-04T20:20:57.903-07:00Chapter 23<span style="font-weight:bold;">***In what seems to be an ongoing pattern with me as of lately... thank you Jay =)***</span><br /><br />We lied awake for hours, talking in whispers under the covers; acting like we were children trying to hide from his parents. Being with Evgeni made me forget about everything else; the media, the tournament, feeling betrayed. Everything seemed so simple when I was around him, like nothing else mattered. <br /><br />He drove me back to the hotel before lunch; wishing me luck and informing me that his father and him were going to be there, watching my game. As calming as Geno’s presence had been the night before, the thought of him watching me play terrified me; as if a poor performance could change his opinion on me. <br />I was just pushing through the front doors when I was hailed down by Rennie and Consti. “Coach was flipping shit, man! Where have you been?”<br /><br />“I… I stayed at a friends house for the night.” Rennie nodded at my explanation, while Consti watched me through knowing eyes. “So, when do we leave?”<br /><br />“Not for a while yet. We play Canada at 7pm, but we’re suppose to be there at 5.” Rennie explained as we made our into the hotel’s restaurant for lunch.<br /><br />Mattie was sitting with the O’Shea twins, a look of condescension on his face when he saw me; a look that mad me glad I didn’t spend the night with him. As Rennie jabbered on about the game tonight; my mind wandered over to the night I had just had. It was amazing, in a way; Mattie was my boyfriend but here I was, feeling guilty for not being around Geno. <span style="font-style:italic;">What is wrong with me?</span><br /><br /><br /><br />Our warm up was stressful; not a good sign. The arena was packed… Canada vs. USA was apparently a big deal to these people. I took my time skating around, staring into the crowds, searching for Geno; it seemed futile given how many people were here. <br />When the final buzzer went I headed into our bench; taking a glance up as I did. He was there, smiling at me. Of course he’d be behind the bench; he was Evgeni Malkin, he had connections. I laughed to myself and gave him a smile back. I took my seat and glanced over my shoulder one last time, to see his father patting him on the back and nodding in my direction. <span style="font-style:italic;">Oh no Evgeni, what did you tell him about me?</span> I sighed and turned my attention back to coach, <span style="font-style:italic;">there’s nothing I can do about it now.</span> <br /><br />Canada… oh Canada… the home of hockey. They never even saw it coming. Whether I was just having an ‘on’ game, or if the smiles I kept glancing over to see in the stands were pushing me to be better; I was unstoppable.<br />Every move, was sure and fast. My weight shifted effortlessly back and forth over my pumping legs, keeping me ahead of the game at all times. <br />My hands worked in a blur as I moved forwards, then sideways; squeezing into the places that no one else saw. <br />The game was tied at 3-2, for us. 2 of the goals belonged to me; the other to Jake. <br />In the final minutes of the game I pulled back, allowing them to get ahead of me. I wanted them to move first, I wanted them to make a mistake and show me an opening. <br />Finally seeing my opportunity I took it, flipping the puck up on my stick and switching around to my backhand. I barrelled in on the net; realizing just how outnumbered I was. With no time to see where anyone else was I feinted a shot, giving the goalie only enough time to see my smile; before my hat trick sealed our win. <br /><br /><br />“What the fuck was that Simone!?” Consti screamed in my ear, pulling me into a one-armed hug. We were elated, ecstatic. I wasn’t sure if I was more excited about getting a hat-trick in front of Evgeni, or the rest of the world. “Eh, no one’s gonna have a problem with a girl playing in the big leagues now are they?” I could only smile in response… what a picture perfect game. <br /><br />“Your boyfriends waiting for you outside.” Mattie spat in my ear. I tried not to think too much of it, he had played a horrible game; of course he would be mad… but I wanted a fight. I wanted a reason to spend time with Geno. <br />It was amazing how much had changed in the course of one night. I knew I shouldn’t hold what Mattie did against him; I knew that I loved him and I knew that I would regret doing anything to screw-up our relationship. But I wanted it… knowing he had cheated on me had changed so much, I could only imagine what my betrayal had done to him.<br /><br />“And where’s your girlfriend at tonight? Oh wait… you’re not even sure who the fuck it was. Don’t give me your shit Mattie… you’re just as guilty as I am now.” He gave me a mocking-laugh, staring at me like there was a bad taste in his mouth.<br /><br />“What does it matter… one <span style="font-style:italic;">whore’s</span> as good as the next.” He spat.<br /><br />“Fuck you!” I shoved him backwards, grabbing my purse off the bench. “Don’t stand there and judge me like you’re so perfect. I made a mistake, and I’m sorry that I did that to you; but that doesn’t give you a ‘get out of jail free card’. You’re no better than I am.” I glanced away from Mattie around the room, realizing that our argument had escalated enough to grab the attention of everyone present. I took one last look at Mattie before I turned on my heel and headed for the door, praying Geno was still there.<br /><br />“He only wants you cause you’re not his. As soon as he gets in your pants he’ll be done with you.” <br /><br />“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about him trying to fuck some Russian in a bar.” I fired back.<br /><br />“Who are you-” Dean started to ask as I reached for the door. The question caught in his throat as I threw it open; Evgeni was standing on the other side. <br /><br />The smile on his face faltered as he caught sight of my expression. He looked back into the room glancing around at the eyes all focused on him. He caught sight of, what I assumed was Mattie, and understanding dawned on his face. He reached for my arm, grabbing me as the tears started to pour over my lids. Ushering me quickly down the hall; he gave up on trying to steer me, instead pulling me up into his arms ‘bride-style’ and carrying me out of the arena. <br />Once I felt the cool night air hit my body, I heard a man talking in rapid Russian; concern evident through the language barrier. Evgeni responded in a few low answers, clutching me close to his body. <br /><br />I couldn’t bring myself to let go of him. I clung to his body like my life depended on it; unable to control myself as I sobbed into his neck. He spoke softly to me, in words that I would never understand; but he held me close, rubbing his lips back and forth across my hair as his arms gently massaged my back. <br />I truly was a disgusting human being. I wasn’t even sure who or what I was crying over anymore. <br />Mattie, <span style="font-style:italic;">what had I done? Was it over? Did it even matter?</span> I had broke his heart, that was for sure; I didn’t deserve him. <br />Evgeni, even less did he deserve this. An innocent bystander in the destruction that was my life, someone that hurt - but hurt no one. <br /><br />And here I was, crying over things that I had caused myself; crying over one boy, in front of another boy. Suddenly the thought of what I was doing hit me. I pulled back and looked up into Evgeni’s tender eyes; he was watching me suffocate myself over someone else. <br /><br />We stared at each other for a minute, before he looked away. I couldn’t help but feel disappointed; even if I understood. He was disgusted with me now, so much trouble and pain wrapped up in one person. <br />But I was wrong. His line of sight wasn’t in avoidance, it was focused on the door. His breathing began to increase as he unwrapped himself from my body and crossed his room to the door. <br />I sat unmoving, afraid of going under; as I watched my lifesaver float away from me. <br />He pulled open the door and looked out, waiting, watching. I felt my breathing increase as I began to shake; waiting for him to bolt, to run, to save himself from the certain destruction that came from spending too much time with me. <br />He closed the door softly, and turned back to me; resting his back against the door as he watched me. <br /><br />“Carlie, I sorry…” He began, and I had to close my eyes, nodding.<br /><br />“It’s ok, I understand, you can’t do this.” I wasn’t even sure what this was… I just knew he needed to get away from me.<br /><br />“Not do this…” My eyes flew open as his voice came back, closer than it should have been. <br />His face was inches from mine, and I could feel his warm breath caress my face as he leaned closer. Cupping my face in his hands he gently pulled my lips to his; moving slowly at first. <br />He dropped his hands, wrapping them around me as he laid down next to me. His tongue filled my mouth as he pressed his lips against me harder; his hands tracing my side as I rolled over into him. <br /><br />We stayed like this, slowly, passionately feeling the pressure of each other as his breathing increased and so too did the force of his hands on my body. His hand ran down my side, coming to rest on my hip. A low moan escaped his throat as he grabbed my thigh hard, pulling my leg over his waist and pressing himself against me.<br />I pulled my lips away from him, gasping for air. He stopped moving, looking back at me, fear and sadness on his face. “You no want…” <br />I shook my head vigorously and grabbed his hair in my hands, shoving his face against me again. <br />He slapped my thigh and roughly rolled himself on top of me. Grabbing the end of his shirt I started pulling it. He pushed himself up onto his knees; pulling it up and over his head, throwing it in the ground. I let out a moan as I stared at his body; <span style="font-style:italic;">oh mother of god…</span><br />He smiled in response, licking his lips as he reached for my shirt. I sighed as I shimmed around, allowing him to pull it off. I reached out to touch him, sighing softly. I needed him; needed to touch him, taste him, feel him. I needed to know every part of his body until it took over every other part of me. I wanted him to make me forget my own name.<br /><br />Suddenly I couldn’t lie still anymore as emotion and heat flooded threw my body. I pushed myself off the bed and flew into his arms; wrapping his dark hair in my hands as I shoved him against me. <br />He responded with even more enthusiasm, flipping me onto my back, pulling my sweats off of and removing his dress pants; before falling down on top of me. His hands began to roam my body, as his lips left mine and filtered down towards my chest.<br />Without a conscious thought, I gripped the sheets in my hands and arched my back towards him; revelling in the feeling of his hot, soft tongue as it headed further south. <br />I knew where he was going, and I also knew we wouldn’t make it that far. I dug my fingers into the back of his head and used his hair to pull his face back up to mine. “No, now.”<br /><br />“Now?” He asked, unsure of the meaning behind my words. My patients with the language barrier was at an all time low and I pushed him down, climbing on top; leaving no room for doubt as I pulled my hips into small fierce circles on top of him. <br /><br />He let out a rough low growl as he gripped my hips tightly in his hands and pushed me down harder. My head rolled back as I felt him move against me. <br />Fingers gripping into my sides he threw me down on the bed, grasping my boy-shorts in his hands and jerking them off; before removing his boxers. <br /><br />His body fell down on top of mine again; his elbows digging into the bed as he moved himself forward. He sat on the edge for a minute, moving himself onto his hands and watching me as he began to push his way inside me. <br />He entered all the way slowly, stopping once he was in completely, lowering his face towards mine and kissing me again. <br /><br />We began leisurely, moving at a slow pace. I wrapped my limbs around him, pulling him closer and breathing him in. <br />After only a few minutes I could feel my body clenching into orgasm; a moan escaping my throat as I gripped his lip in between my teeth and tried to propel him in faster. <br />The reactions he was pulling from my body began to grow his excitement and he pushed me further onto his bed until I was straddled between his body and the wall. Another throaty moan left me as he began to increase his tempo. <br />He thrusted in hard for the first time; simultaneously drawing a whimper from me and a loud bang from his bed. “Geno…” I whimpered, pushing myself away from the wall as his body slammed into mine again. “Oh god, your parents….” <br />He shook his head and gripped me closer, pushing himself into me as hard and fast as possible. <br />It took all my strength to keep from crying out; abandoning my attempt to keep the bed quiet as he reached deeper inside of me than I thought possible.<br /><br />Continuously he propelled himself into me; earning a grunt of approval every time he completed a cycle. <br />I was positive that the headboard was through the wall but I didn’t care; any attempt to be quite was over as soon as we climaxed together. <br /><br />I gripped him tighter as our tempo wound down. Unable to keep the smile off my face as he pulled out and rested his head on my chest. His sigh of contentment matched my own as we lied there. <br />I traced my fingers around his head, listening as his breathing became even and I knew he was sleeping. <br />I bent forward and planted a kiss on his head, following him into sleep. <br /><br /><br />When I woke up it was dark outside, I was still naked but I was wrapped tightly in a thick blanket. I glanced around the room; realizing for the first time that I was alone. I sat up and looked around, swinging my legs over the bed and walking towards the door. I peered out and saw a mute light coming for a door. I was terrified that I was going to run into his parents but I shuffled out anyway; staying as quiet as possible as I made my way toward the light. <br />I peered around the corner and smiled when I saw Evgeni, sitting shirtless in front of the computer screen. I cleared my throat and moved into the room. He turned and smiled at me, holding out an arm. I shuffled towards it and he pulled me down into his lap. “What are you doing?” I asked kissing his lips gently.<br /><br />He let out a sigh and pulled me head against his chest. “I… try to show…” I felt him shake his head unable to find the words. I glanced over at the screen, all in Russian; nonsense to me, in front of which sat a Russian/English dictionary. “I find… music for you?” He said nuzzling his face into my hair. “Show words I no know…” I smiled up at him as he leaned forward, clicking on the screen.<br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGxN9aLza0Y">Music</a> poured out of the speakers softly. <br />As I listened intently, curled up in his lap, I felt my heart swell into the empty expanses of my chest, filling with the depth of emotion I was only beginning to feel:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">The batter swings and the summer flies<br />As I look into my angel's eyes<br />A song plays on while the moon is hiding over me<br />Something comes over me<br /><br />I guess we're big and I guess we're small<br />If you think about it man you know we got it all<br />Cause we're all we got on this bouncing ball<br />And I love you free<br />I love you freely<br /><br />Here's a riddle for you<br />Find the Answer<br />There's a reason for the world<br />You and I...</span>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-32365992252557278432009-09-03T14:18:00.001-07:002009-09-03T20:00:10.964-07:00Chapter 22I laughed as I watched Mattie regaining consciousness beside me. “Good night party boy?” I asked, unable to contain my smile as he stifled a groan next to me.<br /><br />“Ugh… what time is it?” He asked, rolling over onto his back and stretching. <br /><br />“3... Pm…” I laughed again as he whimpered, throwing his hands over his face.<br /><br />“I don’t remember anything… how did I get back here?”<br /><br />“Ah… Geno carried you here, over his shoulder I might add.” I watched as his face squished into disapproval. I could understand why Mattie still didn’t like Geno but, he was lucky Geno showed up; I shuddered to think whether or not Mattie would have gotten back alright without him. <br /><br />It had been a fairly awkward meeting last night. I had answered the door in a pair of sweats and a Malkin jersey; hair dishevelled. He looked unbelievable, standing there in a pair of fitted jeans and a button down shirt. While he looked like prince charming, Mattie looked like he was about to blow chunks. <br />I still couldn’t understand why it ended up being Geno that brought him home, but when I pressed him for answers he only shrugged and said: “I find him. Take him home. You happy.”<br /><br /><br /><br />The next few days flew by as the team readied itself for the first game against Sweden. On the down-side, between skates, practice and interviews I had almost no time to myself; on the plus-side I also had no time to think about Geno.<br />I never really felt ‘out of place’ when it came to hockey. Guys would be upset about a girl on the team, then they’d play with me, then they’d get over it. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the media outbreak that I caused everywhere I went. <br /><br />Of course I had expected to get a bit more attention than my team-mates; being the first girl to a play at the world junior level with men, would do that. What I hadn’t expected was the hours of interviews I would be made to sit through, day after day.<br />Are you excited to be here? What’s it like to be the only girl on Team USA? Do you feel more pressure than your team-mates? Are you afraid of being singled out by the other teams? Are you hoping to win gold?<br /><br />Most of the questions were ridiculous. By the end of the last day I was ready to blow, and it took all my self restraint to keep from saying what I was really thinking: No I’m not excited to be here, I sure hope that the other teams try to kill me… gold? Pshh, who wants gold when you can loose? <br /><br />Our game against Sweden was the first game of the World Junior. I sat quietly in the dressing room; glad to be ’just another player’ for once. We were all caught up in our own world, each person dealing with the stress of the situation in their own way. <br />My way was to stare blanking at the wall ahead of me and pray that I didn’t fall flat on my face on the way out. <br /><br /><br />The Swedes were fierce, coming out fast and hard. Their main advantage against us was their size; their bodies were so large it felt like we were outnumbered 2 to 1. <br />The majority of the players on our team, excluding Consti, weren’t sure how to play against such large opponents; for me, there wasn’t much of a difference - I was use to being the smallest. <br /><br />Catching the puck from Rayner, I dodged a body and turned, bearing down on the Swedish goalie. Experience told me their defence would try to catch me from the side; I was right. A quick turn in perfect balance allowed me to catch him before he was able to react, pushing myself out of the cross-fires and into the crease. <br />My goal was the only goal scored that game. <br /><br />Rennie was unstoppable, making amazing save after amazing save; with Mattie and myself creating the majority of our goal chances. <br />Overall, I was pleased with the victory, but fearful of the next game. Sweden wasn’t suppose to be a medal contender; that honour was meant for USA, Canada and Russia. Tomorrow we played Canada. <br /><br /><br />Since the night he arrived back to the room with Geno, Mattie had been distant and distracted. I wrote it off to nervousness regarding our first game, but on the bus his mood seemed unchanged. “Everything ok?” I asked as I stared out the window on our way back to the hotel. He didn’t say anything, his only reaction at all was to shrug his shoulders. “Mattie, you played really good.” <br /><br />“I’m not upset about the game… can we just wait till we’re back in the room?” I nodded my head, worried for the first time. <span style="font-style:italic;">Was he just now, starting to get angry about my kiss with Evgeni?</span><br /><br /><br />I sat on the edge of the bed and waited for him to stop pacing. My heart was hammering into my rib cage as I watched him; terrified that this was the end. “Carlie, I cheated on you.”<br /><br />I watched him, as he watched me; waiting for my reaction. I started to laugh, slowly at first until it boiled over into a fit. “Mattie be real, what is this about?”<br /><br />He sat down on the bed across from me and continued to watch me; no humour on his face. “I’m not kidding Carlie.” He said after my laughing had ceased. <br /><br />“But… I don’t- when?”<br /><br />“The night Geno carried me home.”<br /><br />I sighed and looked away. “Because you wanted to hurt me too?”<br /><br />“No, because… I wanted her.”<br /><br />My eyes snapped back to his face. “Who?” My face was filling with heat as I felt tears threaten to fall.<br /><br />He shrugged his shoulders, “I don’t know, just some girl at the bar… we kissed but, it would have been more if he didn’t come over and stop me.” <br /><br />“Why did he have to stop you?” I spat, infuriated. <br /><br />“I was drunk… I don’t know why I did it, but I know I had no intention of stopping it myself.”<br /><br />“Why are you telling me this?” I whispered softly as the first of the tears began to pool over my lids. <br /><br />“You need to know… you need to know what I did.” I looked up at him, he was staring at his lap; refusing to meet my eyes. <br /><br />I pushed myself off the bed and left the room. I wasn’t sure who was worse. Me; for making out with someone I love, or him; for making out with a girl because of alcohol.<br />I never would have slept with Evgeni… if he had of tried I would have stopped that; I did stop him as it was. Mattie said he wouldn’t have stopped; he only stopped because Evgeni forced him to. <br /><br />My thoughts carried me down the hall way, down the stairs and into the lobby. What do I do now? I knew it wasn’t fair to take off on Mattie like this, but I wasn’t sure what else to do. <br />Even less fair was what I was about to do; as I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. <br /><br />I dialled Geno’s number and after a short conversation I was rounding the corner on the nearby bar; he was already waiting out front. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I accused, jabbing my finger into his chest. He shrugged his shoulders and reached for me; at a loss as to what was going on. “You knew that he cheated on me, you were there, and you didn’t tell me.” <br /><br />“I no understand.” He said pointedly, finally grabbing my arms in his hands and pulling me against him.<br /><br />“He kissed a girl in that bar Geno.”<br /><br />Comprehension dawned on his face as he let out a sigh. “I hope he no tell you…”<br /><br />“You hoped he wouldn’t tell me? Cause I don’t deserve to know?” I screamed, not caring that people were watching us now. <br /><br />“Carlie, you come.” He grabbed my arm and led me down the street; shaking off his jacket and throwing it around my shoulders. I had walked fifteen minutes in a t-shirt - through Russian winter - without realizing it.<br /><br />We walked for over a half-hour; the cold-air taking the edge off my anger. Finally stopping at a row of connected, brick houses; Evgeni led me up a set of stairs. He unlocked the door and yelled something in Russian. A woman replied back at him from somewhere in the house. <br />Evgeni didn’t stop to inform me what was going on; he continued to tug at me, leading me up a set of stairs. <br />I glanced at the pictures hanging on the wall as we passed; some older, black and white photos, mixed in among pictures of Evgeni. First as a child and then as he was now. <span style="font-style:italic;">Oh my god… I’m in his parents house</span>, I gasped as he lead me to a door at the end of the hall.<br /><br />I sat down beside him on the bed, while he stared at his door. I listened to the noises going on in the house below; hearing what I assumed was his parents moving around, watching TV. <br />Once he was satisfied that we wouldn’t be disturbed, he turned and grinned at me. That grin, my grin… that lopsided, crooked-tooth grin that would look terrifying on anyone else; but managed to be charming and contagious on him.<br />“What?… what?” I sighed as he just kept grinning at me. I let out a disgruntled huff and flopped back down on the bed. Evgeni laid down beside me. <br /><br />“You stay here. I take you tomorrow.” <br /><br />“Take me back to the hotel tomorrow.”<br /><br />“Is what I say.”<br /><br />“Geno, you’ve lived in the US for a while now… you should probably learn proper English.”<br /><br />“Is proper English.” I sighed again, <span style="font-style:italic;">why bother?</span> “Carlie…”<br /><br />“Yes Evgeni?” I smiled even though I tried to sound stern; he had a way of making everything seem so much easier… <span style="font-style:italic;">well… when he wasn’t kissing me…</span><br /><br />“I glad you here.” <br /><br />“Me too.” I rolled my head to the side and looked him straight in the face. He looked completely serious, the childish grin was gone from his face; replaced by a contemplative look. “I know that look… no kissing, Geno.”<br /><br />He gave me a small grin. “I know. Is hard…” He turned away from me, staring up at the ceiling, “it feel like you mine… is hard to know you not… now.” I sighed, and turned my face away from him; his eyes getting watery. If there was one thing I couldn’t deal with, it was Evgeni crying. <br /><br />It felt wrong to say, I knew it was wrong, but I needed to say it. “I love you.” <br /><br />He nodded and looked back at me, “only reason I still ok. I love you.” <br /><br />We both looked away, lying in our own little worlds; where life is easy and love is uncomplicated.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-76422501796514581502009-08-29T19:30:00.000-07:002009-08-29T19:36:31.622-07:00Chapter 21Geno had obeyed me; at least, I believed he had. I hadn't seen him or heard from him since the night I sent the text to him, signalling the end of our communication.<br />He hadn't tried to come and see me, even though he knew where I was. Part of me was glad for that, but part of me was sad too... that part I tried to ignore.<br /><br />Life continued on much as it did at the try-outs. We ate, slept and played hockey; returning to our rooms exhausted at night.<br />Mattie and I had had sex every night since our reconciliation; although I was mentally and physically exhausted, I had no conscious to tell him no - not after he had let me off the hook so easily.<br />It seemed like things were back to normal for us; after all only Consti had ever known about my betrayal, and luckily for me he wasn't one to gossip.<br />Mattie carried on as if nothing had ever happened. He played his part well, skilfully almost; the loving, dutiful boyfriend - but there was something else underneath the surface. I couldn't be sure if it was mistrust, sadness, jealousy or disgust; but at times when his eyes lingered on me I could see something else pooling behind his eyes.<br /><br /><br />Aaron, Jake and I had been swimming; enjoying one of our precious moments of freedom before the games officially started tomorrow. We were heading through the lobby, on our way back to our floor when I saw them...<br />Mattie and Geno.<br /><br />Mattie had his back to me, but Geno's eyes found mine automatically. His eyes stared deep into me, even from across the room his eyes were so intense that I had to look away. I looked back up in time to see Geno give Mattie a pat on the shoulder before turning and leave out the front doors.<br />Mattie turned around, the emotion now present on his face was unrecognizable; he looked up and saw me. He gave me a weak smile and headed towards me. "Umm... guys, I'm gonna go talk to Mattie, I'll see you in a bit..." They nodded goodbyes and headed up towards the elevator.<br />I made a b-line for Mattie; taking his hand in mine and dragging him towards the stairs. “So… what was that about?”<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Mattie’s POV</span><br /><br />“Ah… I’m assuming you mean my talk with Evgeni?” I asked, already knowing the answer, as I walked beside her up the stairs.<br /><br />“Yah… I hope he wasn’t being… rude or anything…” <br /><br />“No, actually, the opposite.” I sighed, figuring she’d find out about it sooner or later. “See… we had this run in the other day… and kind of went at it a bit-”<br /><br />“Oh Mattie! I hope he didn’t hurt you or-” She cut me off; but I continued on above her.<br /><br />“No, nothing like that, just words. Apparently after he calmed down a bit he felt like a jerk and decided he needed to explain himself.” We walked up the last two flights in silence; I could tell she wanted to ask me what he said but, luckily she didn’t push me. <br />Even though I wasn’t being forced to repeat it out loud, I couldn’t stop replaying it in my head:<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">He had marched through the front doors and intercepted me as I was making my way out of the dinning hall. <br />“Hey! You, me, talk.” He signalled with his hands as he spoke; pointing to each one of us in turn.</span> Great, he’s going to kill me…<span style="font-style:italic;">“My English not so long…”<br /><br />“You’re kidding? I never noticed…” I replied, my voice dripping with sarcasm.<br /><br />“Huh?”<br /><br />“Never mind, what do you want?”<br /><br />He looked confused and uncomfortable. He was wearing a suit and tie; the latter he kept fiddling with, like it was on too tight or he wasn’t use to it. He looked around like he was trying to avoid a scene, but he eventually decided the lobby was private enough; before he took a step towards me. “I sorry about… ah… last day… I not good to say this things to you.”<br /><br />“Are you gonna apologise for kissing my girlfriend too?”<br /><br />“No.” I glared at him incredulously, he shrugged in response, like it was no big deal. “I love Carlie. I not say sorry for this. Maybe… it not good time but, I not sorry.” <br /><br />I cocked my head to the side and watched him for a minute. Hell, at least he’s honest. “Well, don’t kiss her again…” I threatened half-heartedly,</span> God, why the hell does he have to be so frigging big!<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">“I no kiss until she say ok.” He nodded, giving me a crooked grin. “You good kid, I don’t like you to be bad relationship but… I like to win girl.” I couldn’t help but smile at this. Maybe it was because he was bigger than the Jolly Green Giant, or maybe it was because he actually seemed to be a nice guy; whatever it was I found my anger starting evaporate.</span> Great, so he’s famous, rich and nice… fuck me. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">We stood there awkwardly for a few minutes before his eyes caught something behind me. “She here now, I go.” He patted my shoulder before he turned and walked out the way he came.</span> <br /><br /><br /><br /><br />Carlie had changed her mind about going out to the bar, again; for the tenth time that day. I could tell she wanted to, but she felt too guilty about what had happened; like staying in one night would make me forget about it. <br />I left with Consti, telling myself that my absence would allow her the privacy she so desperately needed; that and I wasn’t gonna watch <span style="font-style:italic;">SAW</span> again - movie creeped me out. At least that's what I had told her, but guilty as it made me feel, I knew I needed to get out for a bit; clear my head. <br /><br /><br />I wasn’t sure what I was feeling anymore; so I drank, a lot. I played some millennium with Consti, followed by a few rounds of ‘I never’. Pretty soon I was drunk enough that dancing seemed like a good idea, and I spent a long time trying to perfect the moon-walk; which would have been hard enough sober. <br />After giving up on that I joined Consti and some girls at the bar for a few porn-stars. <br />My face felt flushed and I could tell by the amount of weight I needed to keep on the bar that I was tanked. I looked around for the exit when my eyes fell upon an unwelcome sight. Evgeni Malkin and friends were sitting up in the VIP lounge, again. <span style="font-style:italic;">Shit, don’t you guys ever go home?</span> I thought as I looked away quickly. <br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Why did he have to be here? Out of every bar in the whole Russia… place… he had to come to this one!</span> I turned back around and glared at him. <span style="font-style:italic;">Look at him, with all those slutty bimbos all over him. Any one of them would take him home but nooo, he has to like my girlfriend, MY girlfriend. <br />Fuck, they’re all pretty too.</span> I took a peek around the VIP, every girl looked like she belonged on the cover of a magazine. <span style="font-style:italic;">Are you kidding me? No wonder Carlie likes him… she’d probably be better off with him anyway I mean, what the hell do I have to offer that he doesn’t.<br />I play hockey… oh right, he’s way fucking better than I’ll ever be.<br />I have money… oh right, right, he’s a millionaire… why not!<br />Look wise… well, the only girl that ever liked me… made out with him and now he’s got girls all over him… fuck my life.</span><br /><br />I grabbed a bottle of something off the bar and kicked it back, letting the burning liquid take my mind away from my inadequacies as it forced it’s way down my throat. <br />I slammed it back down on the bar once it was empty and shoved myself off the bar stool, knocking in to someone. <br />“Oh! Are you ok?” The girl grabbed me and pushed me back onto the stool. Her accent was thick.<br /><br />“Where are you from?” I slurred at her. “You got a accent…”<br /><br />“Umm, I’m from Russia…” She replied, giggling. <span style="font-style:italic;">Of course she was… wow I’m stupid.</span><br /><br />“Oh… that’s good.” I replied, not too sure if she could even hear me. She was a pretty girl, maybe. I couldn’t see her too well but she was pretty stacked and they were about to pop out at me…<br /><br />“So you play for Team America?” She giggled, pushing a finger underneath my chin and pulling my face up. <br /><br />“What?”<br /><br />“You play hockey?”<br /><br />“I guess so…” I looked around the bar, trying to remember who I’d come here with. <br /><br />“You loose your friends?” She asked, this time moving closer to me; until the girls were squished against my chest. <br /><br />“Uh… I don’t know who I was here with.” I answered honestly, starting to not care about anything but the set of tits in front of me. <span style="font-style:italic;">Hmm… I’m suppose to be thinking about… something else right now.</span> I started to get a bad feeling in my gut; causing me to move away from the girl in front of me. <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">How the hell did I even get here?</span> I looked back down at her tiny red shirt again; <span style="font-style:italic;">Ok, need to stop doing that probably, I shouldn’t have drank so much… think Mattie, where were you going…</span><br /><br />She pushed herself up against me again, this time placing her cool hands on each cheek and pulling me closer. Her lips pressed up against mine; all I could taste was the assortment of liquor I had consumed that night. <br />I wrapped my arms around her waste and pulled her closer, forcing my tongue inside her mouth. <br />On their own accord my hands started to wander, one moving down towards her ample ass, the other moving north to the tiny shirt she was wearing. <br />One part of my mind was saying something about a public place, the other was screaming something about a pretty brunette that was waiting for me… somewhere… but those thoughts were pushed aside as I felt a hand begin to slide under my waistband. <br /><br />Gigantic hands landed on my shoulders and pulled me away from the warmth of her body. I tried to shove them off but they tugged on me more viciously; spinning me around until I face-to-chest with a huge guy. I looked up to see a glare firing back down at me. “No.” Was all he said before he grabbed my upper arm and lead me away from the boobs. <br /><br />“What the fuck man?” I slurred as I tripped over my feet. <br /><br />“I say no. She do this to you but you not hurt her, I say no.” He lead me to the door and dragged me out into the freezing night air; dumping me on a nearby bench. “I no care if she hurt you. You move on or go away. You don’t come here and do this, I won’t let you.” He was furious, pacing back and forth in front of me, every now and then, running his hands over his hair. <br />I slumped over, allowing the breeze to wake me up a bit as I watched him. <span style="font-style:italic;">I don’t like this guy…</span> I thought as he marched back and forth, muttering to himself in gibberish. <span style="font-style:italic;">He took me away from that girl… that’s not why though…</span> I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes, <span style="font-style:italic;">oh well.</span> <br /><br /><br />When I opened my eyes everything was upside down and I was bouncing uncomfortably. I lifted my head up and tried to get my bearings, but was unsuccessful; allowing myself to flop back down.<br />I loud bang and a girl voice signalled into my unconscious, telling me something needed my attention; but sleep was calling louder. <br />I felt my body shifting until something soft landed under my back. Soft muttering was coming from everywhere around me but I was too tried to try and understand it.<br />Opting instead to drift off to sleep.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-71749507523485610502009-08-27T19:18:00.000-07:002009-08-27T19:23:26.447-07:00Chapter 20“So… do you want to talk about it?” I asked Mattie once we were back in our room for the night. We were both stretched out on the same bed, my head was cradled in shoulder. My breathing was shallow as I waited for a response, completely unsure of what I wanted his answer to be.<br /><br />“If you want to…” He half-sighed, I didn‘t need to see his face to picture the spasm of pain I knew was passing across it. I could tell that Mattie wanted to know everything, but at the same time he was too scared to ask me directly. I wanted to lie to him, protect him; the way I should have protected him last night.<br /><br />“Well, why don’t you tell me what you know, and I’ll fill in the blanks… I mean, how did you find out I knew him?” I asked quietly. I waited patiently for him to answer, rolling over until my face was squished into his side; he tightened his grip on me. The harder he squeezed me, the worse I felt; it was like he was trying to hold me together, without understanding that I was falling apart on the inside. <br /><br />He cleared his throat and began to play with my hair. “I knew back at training camp. When I went to pack, I found the card that he sent you.” I inhaled sharply; he’d known the whole time. He paused for a moment, and I could feel him inhaling deeply; when he spoke next, his voice was husky “Carlie, why didn’t you just tell me?” <br /><br />I wanted to cry, but that wasn‘t fair, this was my fault and I needed to deal with it head on. I pulled myself up and sat beside him; pulling my legs up against my chest at a feeble attempt to hold myself together. “It never mattered… he was just someone from my past. At the time whenever I was ’dating’ him - if that’s what you want to call it - he wasn’t important to me.” Mattie nodded along with my words and gave me a small smile when I looked over at him. “Mattie…” I let go of my legs and crawled towards him, “I love you. I- I just… I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about him. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when he sent the flowers. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that he was going to be here…”<br /><br />“That’s a lot of ’sorry’s” he chuckled, at me, pulling me back down beside him. We lied in silence for a while, his lips occasionally grazing the top of my head. Without warning my tears began to flow; falling carelessly onto his sleeve, as my world fell down around me. <br />The crushing realization of what I had to do next, made me feel like the floor was falling out from underneath me. I clutched to Mattie as tightly as I could, reeling in his scent, his touch; tricking myself into believe that everything was ok. <br /><br />I took one last bitter-sweet breath before I pulled myself away from him - <span style="font-style:italic;">if he never holds me again after this, will that be enough?</span> “I’m not done yet.” I said as I sat up. I placed my feet firmly on the floor and gripped the side of the bed as the walls crashed in around me. <br />He sat up too, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me closer to him; against the ache in my chest, I pushed him away, moving off the bed to face him. “Mattie-”<br /><br />“Carlie, don’t.” He cut my off, tears forming in his eyes. I dropped down onto my knees in front of him as I felt my knees buckle; he already knew, I could tell by the sadness in his eyes and the pain on his face. I didn’t need to say it, but I wanted to… he was too good for me. Mattie wasn’t just my team-mate, he wasn’t just my boyfriend; Mattie was everything. <br />The ache burned down my throat and into my chest while I clutched at my stomach; feeling the pain of self-destruction creep through me. Subconsciously, I began to rock slightly; as my body tried to fight of the nauseating hopelessness that was threatening to tear me apart - from the inside out. <br /><br />“Mattie, I cheated on you.” I sobbed quickly; trying to get the words out fast, hoping the speed would make it less painful for the both of us.<br />If I had ever questioned my feelings before, I was sure of them now. Sitting on the floor completely vulnerable, allowing myself to feel every wonderful, horrible emotion wake up inside me; only served to prove that I was in the right place.<br /><br />Mattie was always where I belonged. Maybe it had taken me my entire life to see that, but there could be no doubt now. <br />I had left Geno. I had left Geno and move on without feeling the pain of loss; because I had never truly lost anything. Yes, I loved Geno; there could be no question about that - but to love someone and to be in love are two very different things. I loved Geno, but that was nothing compared to the boy who cried in front of me.<br />I knew that I loved Mattie, I knew it now in every distant core of my being. I was sure that somehow I had always known this; but on the brink of loss those emotions were ten-fold. <br />I had moved on from Geno, moved on without a thought backwards - moved on without loosing myself. That wouldn’t happen this time. <br />There would be no recovery from this; you can’t loosing everything and be ok - you can’t make something from nothing. <br /><br />I put my hands back down in my face and I sat there unmoving, unable to look up again. <br />I had no idea how much time had passed, but somehow it was too much and not enough at the same time.<br /><br />“Carlie…” Mattie said quietly, reaching down and putting his hands under my chin, forcing me to look up. “Tell me what happened… I wanna know- I need to know how it happened…” <br />I shook my head, that was the last thing we needed; details about my betrayal, details about the end of the world. “Please.” He begged, pushing himself off the bed and kneeling down in front of me on the floor. He pulled me closer to him, his hands gently cradling my face as his eyes pleaded with me through their tears.<br /><br />I couldn‘t wrench my eyes away from him as the words fell out in a jumble of repugnance on my lips. “You were passed out. Max Talbot came to the door, I thought he just wanted to talk about him… I followed him around the corner but he was gone and that’s what I saw him.” I couldn’t bring myself to say Geno’s name; like mumbling the name of a <span style="font-style:italic;">nom de plume</span> in the presence of true salvation. I stopped talking and looked him in the eye, he nodded for me to continue. “He kissed me… and I didn’t stop it.” I spat, unable to meet his gaze any longer; I felt dirty, repulsive.<br /><br />“He kissed you?” He emphasized the words carefully. I watched his mouth form each sound; I would never feel his lips again.<br /><br />“You’re not listening to me Mattie, I didn’t stop him.” I was defeated, I fell backwards, by back landing against the other bed. I pulled my legs back against me and pressed my face into my knees.<br /><br />“But you were here with me. You didn’t go looking for him?” <br /><br />“Mattie-“ I mumbled, not looking up.<br /><br />“Did you go and look for him, or did he come here?“<br /><br />“Max came here.“ We had already been over this, why was he making this so hard? <span style="font-style:italic;">Nothing I don’t deserve</span>, I had hurt the greatest person in my life; I deserved to feel this pain again.<br /><br />“Did you go out there to kiss him, or did he kiss you?“<br /><br />“He kissed me but I didn’t stop-“<br /><br />“He kissed you, but you came back here.” This wasn’t directed at me. I pulled my face up and watched as Mattie nodded to himself. I bit my lip, waiting for him to finally get mad, finally lash out at me, finally tell me that he hated me; all the things I deserved.<br /> <br />I sat compliant while I wanted for the rage to build up inside of him; unexpectedly he stood up and took a seat back on the bed. “Carlie, come up here.” He held out his hands to me and I took them selfishly, allowing my body to ignore what my mind knew was coming. I sat down on the bed; a foot away from him. He rolled his eyes and slid towards me. “Did you mean what you said?” He whispered, as he nuzzled his face into my neck. “Are you gonna keep your promise?” I wanted him to get it over with, end the pain that was spreading through my body like novocaine. <br /><br />“Yes.” I answered simply, honestly. I was unbelievably calm as I sat in the eye of the storm.<br /><br />“As long as you promise to stay away from him… no. Not even then…” I nodded, not looking up, allowing Mattie to begin his flare-up.<br /><br />“Carlie I love you. I’m so pissed right now that… I couldn’t even explain it to you but… I need you. No matter what you’ve done I can’t change the way that I feel. I could beg you to stay away from him but, why?” I dared to look up, meeting his eyes; this wasn’t a ploy or an attempt to trick me into more pain - he was being honest. “I’m going to be miserable for a little while until I deal with this but, that’s a little while. If I didn’t have you I’d just be miserable… I don’t ever want to be without you…” His last confession came out nothing more than a sob. He balled the shoulders’ of my shirt in his hands and pulled me towards him.<br /><br />My mind kept trying to convince me that my life was over; no matter what he did now it was in pay back for the pain I had caused - I obliged anyway. <br />I could taste the salt of our mingled tears as my lips found his and his grip moved to my hair and back. He crushed me to him with enough force to make me gasp out in pain; it never diminished my animalistic need for him. <br /><br />We made love out of pure desperation; I never paused to consider the implications or backlash of my actions - my need was driven by more than rational thought. <br />When it was over I allowed my body to clam down, twisting it every now and again to feel the bruises I knew would be formed clearly by morning. Not out of character, Mattie fell asleep before me; and I grabbed for my phone - setting the alarm.<br /><br />I had 7 missed calls from Geno. I punched in his number and sent off a text. <span style="font-style:italic;">Last night was a mistake. Don’t call me again.</span><br />It didn’t matter anymore if Mattie would leave me in the morning; I would rather be alone than with the one I hurt him for.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">**A special thanks to Jay; without whom, this post never would have gotten finished =D***</span>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-18512546236190300542009-08-23T16:49:00.000-07:002009-08-23T18:50:53.921-07:00Chapter 19Luckily, Mattie was still passed out when I woke up at 6; saving me from having to explain to him why I was in another bed. I couldn’t even consider the fact that I had ‘slept’ at all, my mind and body were exhausted. <br />I stood under the shower head, unmoving, trying to figure out what was wrong with me. Obviously, I knew that what was wrong with me had to do with Mattie and Geno… but I wasn’t sure how it was effecting me.<br />After washing my hair and focusing on my mood I decided that I was guilty, sad, and something else… but I wasn’t sure what. I was guilty because I had cheated on Mattie, and guilty because I had hurt Geno more deeply than I thought possible. I was sad because I wasn’t sure who I wanted to be with anymore. I tried to think back to the night I found out Mattie actually loved me, tried to remember the feeling of it, tried to remind myself that I loved him; but I couldn’t remember anything beyond the power of Geno’s kiss.<br /><br />I sighed and shut off the water, wrapping my hair in a towel and putting on a pair of jeans and my Team USA t-shirt; my traditional #14 on the back. After finishing my hair and putting on some make-up I was ready to go. I walked out into the room at 6:45 and laughed at Mattie, still fast asleep. I tried to wake him up but it was impossible. <br />At 5 to 7 I headed down to the lobby. There ended being only 14 people on the bus; myself, Jake, Aaron, Consti, Rennie and a few others. <br />Dean was not impressed but he let it slide, figuring it would be better for him to let it go. <br /><br />“So…” Consti said from the seat next to me as the bus took off from the hotel. “You gonna tell me what that was about last night?”<br /><br />“What are you talking about?”<br /><br />“About superstar checkin you out all night and shootin the death glare at Mattie…”<br /><br />“Umm… I’m not sure what you mean, I didn’t notice any check-outs or death glares.”<br /><br />“Huh… fine then. Don’t tell me.” He relaxed in his seat and shut his eyes, pretending to be uninterested. I watched him for a few seconds before I said anything.<br /><br />“Fine! Alright, I met Evgeni before… a while ago at the Igloo… we went on a couple dates. Nothing happened though… it’s not a big deal.”<br /><br />“Wait!” He bolted upright and turned to face me. “Who?”<br /><br />“Evgeni Malkin… back that day we got to skate at the Igloo for that hockey practice… I met him and he asked me out.”<br /><br />“Ah… wow. Alright, well I wasn’t talking about Malkin…”<br /><br />“What, who were you-”<br /><br />“Hey guys!” Rennie’s head popped up over the seat in front of us, halting our conversation. “Are you excited for this?”<br /><br />“Ah yah…” I gave Consti a look, indenting to mean ’we’ll talk about this after’, he nodded and fell silent.<br /><br /><br />Our scavenger hunt was based on photos, as Dean explained. We were divided into two teams (7 people on each) and we’re each given a camera. On this camera we had to take random pictures.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Picture of someone (or multiple people) with:<br />1. The Moscow River<br />2. A Chagall sculptor (@ Tretyakov gallery)<br />3. Moscow Metro<br />4. The Armoury (Oruzheynaya Plaza)<br />5. The Moscow Kremlin<br />6. The ‘Red Square’<br />7. (In) the Novodevichy Cemetary<br />8. St. Basil’s Cathedral<br />9. Pushkin Museum of Fine Arts<br />10. Pushkin Square<br />11. Sanduny Banya<br />12. Dorogomilovsky Market<br /></span><br />Afterwards we had to run back to the arena and give the camera back to Dean. We had 4 hours. <br /><br />The next 3 and a half hours were spent yelling, running, laughing and pushing each other around Russia. Unable to read any Russian at all, or speak for that matter, we opted to run around aimlessly; searching for anything that looked like a good picture. <br /><br />“Ummm… k… we’re looking for… Pushkin Square. What does that sign say there?” Rennie yelled at one of the O‘Shea twins.<br /><br />“Ah… I’m going with… square, triangle-ly thing, a weird ‘A’ and… a smiley face, without any eyes… that make any sense?”<br /><br />“Sure does!” Consti fired across the square, “idiot…” he added under his breath. <br /><br />“Let’s just take another picture and get back… it’s starting to get freezing!” I shouted, huddling up beside Consti. <br /><br />“Yah, let’s get out of here!” Aaron shouted, running by and slapping Jake in the back of the head. All the guys took off running back towards the hotel; while Consti and I followed behind slowly. <br /><br />“So… anything you want to tell me? You’ve been off all day.” He started, his eyes watching the road in front of him as we walked.<br /><br />“What do you mean?”<br /><br />“You just seem like you’ve got a lot on your mind…” I sighed, and he left it at that, allowing me to collect my thoughts.<br /><br />“Can I tell you something? Off the record?” He nodded, still not looking at me. “I cheated on Mattie last night.” I watched for a reaction that never came. After a time, his silence became defining. “… do you have anything to say to that?”<br /><br />“What do I say?” He shook his head and smiled at me, “Carlie, look at me, am I really the person to pass judgement on you for sleeping with someone else? Do you have any idea how many times I’ve cheated?”<br /><br />“Woah! I didn’t sleep with him… I let him kiss me… but, God Consti. I don’t know what to do anymore.”<br /><br />“Do you love Mattie?” I nodded. “Do you love Geno?” I nodded again. “Well, tap ‘em both then.”<br /><br />“Consti!”<br /><br />“What! Geno obviously knows about Mattie right?”<br /><br />“Yes but-”<br /><br />“And Mattie has no idea at all…”<br /><br />“Yes but-”<br /><br />“Well, I’m sure judging by the fact that he kissed you last night, he’d be willing. Wouldn’t he?”<br /><br />“Yes, probably! But-”<br /><br />“But nothing! That’s what I’d do!” He shrugged without emotion and gave me a smile, thinking he’d solve all my problems.<br />“I don’t want to cheat on Mattie… and I don’t want to break up with him… but I can’t stop thinking about Geno… shit this is messed up. Do you know what I am now Consti?! I’m one of THOSE girls. The girls that cheat on nice guys… pretty soon I’m gonna start saying ’like’ and ’hot’ all the time.” I let out a sigh and came to a stop outside of the hotel. <br /><br />“All I know Carlie, is that if you don’t wanna cheat on Mattie, then you either need to break-up with him or stay away from Geno.” I couldn’t imagine what breaking-up with Mattie would do to me, or worst or all, what it would do to him. It was painful to even think about it; it was painful to think about staying away from Geno too though. <br /><br />Consti held the door open for me as we made our way into the hotel, heading further into the main lobby to find where everyone was. We say everyone, even the ones still recuperating from last night, gathered over on some couches. I headed over and took my seat beside Mattie.<br /><br />“Sorry about last night.” He said pulling me close to him. “I didn’t mean to get that drunk.”<br /><br />“Don’t worry about it… at least Consti was there to carry you home.” I laughed, resting my head on his shoulder. <br /><br />“Carlie…” He whispered in my ear, as Dean started asking us about our day. “I need to ask you to do something, and I don’t want you to get angry… alright?”<br /><br />“Sure Mattie… what is it?” I pulled my head off his shoulder so I could look him in the eye. <br /><br />He looked at me and then down at the ground. My heart started beating faster as I waited for him to continue. “I want you to stay away from him. For me.” He never looked back at me, instead turning his attention to a loose thread on the couch. I thought about playing stupid, pretending I didn’t know who he was talking about, but I knew.<br />I looked away, trying to force myself to draw a breath. <span style="font-style:italic;">How does he know? How much does he know? Oh my god…</span><br /><br />“Of course I will. I will.” He nodded and looked up at me with a smile on his face and teary eyes. He pulled me close to him again and I resumed my position on his shoulder. <br /><br /><br />Mattie’s POV<br /><br />I sat up and looked at the clock; 10:22. <span style="font-style:italic;">Well shit…</span> I rolled over and headed to the bathroom. The room was still tipping the slightest bit, giving me all the indication I needed to figure out why I couldn’t remember the previous night. I moved slowly under the hot water, trying to figure out what had happened, and where Carlie was now. <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Ugh poor Carlie, I can’t believe I went and got drunk like that last night… I’m such an ass. First night in Russia and I leave her alone.<br /></span><br />I dressed quickly, intending to head down to the lobby and see who else was kicking around. If I was just waking up, one of the O’shea brothers had to be here for sure. <br />I took the elevator down to the lobby and saw some of the boys sitting in the continental breakfast lounge.<br />I wave to them and grabbed a plate, piling it up with a random assortment of food and taking a seat beside Reid. <br />We joked around and had a mini-food fight before the conversation turned to Carlie. <br /><br />“So… not gonna lie man… I don’t know how you do it!” Jeremy called from across the table. A few guys nodded in agreement.<br /><br />“What do you mean?”<br /><br />“Well, sure she’s really hot, and a nice girl and all that but… don’t you get sick of being around her all the time?”<br /><br />“Not at all… I love her so… anytime I get to spend with her is awesome.” I answered truthfully, earning a punch in the arm from Rayner. <br /><br />“Does it bug you that she’s so good at hockey?” Reid asked.<br /><br />“No. I mean, you have a girlfriend right?” He nodded, we’d discussed this before. “Well… you want her to do good at whatever she does right?” He nodded again. “That’s pretty much what I figure. It makes me happy when she does good..” <br /><br />The conversation moved on, centering around the female Russian servers in the room. I glanced around the restaurant and felt the heat rise in my face. I was sure that the food in this hotel wasn’t good enough to draw attention from anyone other than the people staying in the hotel, so there was only one reason why he was here.<br />Evgeni Malkin sat in a corner booth with Sergei Gonchar and Sidney Crosby, he was watching me. <span style="font-style:italic;">Son of a bitch</span>. <br />Crosby got up to leave, Gonchar beside him, and Malkin following behind; detest etched on his face. <br />I got up and followed them out of the lobby and onto the street before they noticed I was following. <br /><br />Malkin grinned when he saw me, saying something to Gonchar in Russian; before turning around to face me.<br /><br />“Why are you here?” I spat, coming to a stop a few feet away from him. <br /><br />“Look we don’t mean any trouble… we just came to eat-” Crosby started, getting cut-off by Malkin.<br /><br />“Why you look so worried?” Malkin laughed, as Gonchar grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away, whispering to him in Russian. <br /><br />“Geno, come on it’s not the time.” Crosby half whined, turning on him; a pleading look in his eyes.<br /><br />“Stay away from her.” I growled, wondering if I would get a clean shot at him before Crosby intercepted me. <br /><br />“See… he know. I tell you she would tell him.” <span style="font-style:italic;">I had to figure it out on my own actually…</span> I didn’t need him to know that though. I nodded instead.<br /><br />Gonchar and Crosby looked uncomfortable; tensing for any action that might erupt.<br /><br />“She gonna pick me.” He stated, causing me to take another step towards him. Crosby’s hand came up against my chest, gently holding me back.<br /><br />“She’s with me. If she wanted you, she’d be with you-” I started.<br /><br />“She was. After you drunk… she with me. Ask her, she tell you.” He gave me a smug smile and turned to leave. Relief crossed Crosby’s face as he watched him walk away. He gave me an apologetic smile and turned to follow his friends. <span style="font-style:italic;">How did he know I was drunk? Was he at the bar? </span>I turned and headed back into the hotel. <br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Ok, this doesn’t matter. She’s with me. If she wanted him she’d be with him… she loves me. She’d never go near him again if I asked. I shouldn’t though, I should trust her but… I’ll ask. I have to.</span> <br />I went straight to over to Dean, who was gathering people on the couches. I sat down and tried to calm myself down. <span style="font-style:italic;">I was going to ask her I had to. I had to hear to say she’d never go near him again. It’s gonna make me feel like an asshole, but I have to… and if she says no? If she says no… I’ll still stay. <br />God Carlie, please don’t say no…</span>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-77018179871673341452009-08-19T12:35:00.000-07:002009-08-20T03:35:50.238-07:00Chapter 18***Sorry, I didn't check spelling or anything so... hope it's not too bad! I just wanted to get this up tonight cause I haven't updated in a while... hope you like it***<br /><br />“Delta Flight 6564: New York to Moscow, will begin boarding at Gate 3 now.” A woman’s voice sounded over the PA system at the airport. Wearing an old pair of American Eagle sweats and a Fleury practice shirt; I clutched my carry-on in one hand and Mattie’s hand in the other.<br />We made our way over to the boarding terminal, about to walk through the final corridor before I came to a halt.<br />“I don’t think I can do this…” I whispered, not needing to explain myself to Mattie; he knew me too well. He didn’t respond to me verbally, opting instead to give my hand a tight squeeze before pulling me through the threshold behind him.<br />Not being one to enjoy flying; I had doped myself up on gravol and Nyquil before we had arrived at the airport. Feeling extremely groggy before we were seated, I I fell asleep easily - my head on Mattie’s shoulder - before the plane took off from the run-way.<br /><br /><br />I woke up to Consti slopping ice-cold water down my front. “What the hell Consti?” He flashed me a mischievous smile before taking off down the aisle. “Shit!” I sat up, taking a peek around to make sure no one was left on the plane beside Mattie and me. I pulled my shirt up over my head, tossing it down on my bag and pulling a gray hoodie - compliments of Mattie - over my head. I shoved my wet shirt into my bag and threw it over my shoulder before shuffling down the aisle and off the plane.<br />The bitter Russian, December wind felt like a thousand knives against my face as we descended the stairs and made our way over to Dean; who was flagging us towards the door he was holding open. I pulled the hoodie in tight around my face and quickened my pace, as Mattie and I entered the hot airport terminal together.<br /><br />“Alright guys… we’re staying at the Marriott and you two will be in room 306. Here’s your keys, schedules and info packages,” Dean said, handing each one out. “So… the bus is right there…” he pointed over his shoulder, “and, were you the last ones off?”<br />We nodded as he finished checking boxes on his clip-board. I readjusted my bag and followed Mattie to the bus, grabbing a pair of seats near the front; watching the lights of Moscow flash by our window.<br /><br /><br />“I can’t believe we have a bonding week before the tournament…” Mattie laughed as stretched out on our bed, flipping through the schedule. “Scavenger hunt, hmm… vodka factory tour… I didn’t know Russians made vodka…”<br /><br />I laughed as I finished unpacking and turned to look at him, “I’m pretty sure Russian’s are suppose to make the best vodka.” Mattie’s lips formed into a comical ‘o’ as he went back to flipping through pages. “So, what are we doing tonight?”<br /><br />“Notta. We’re going on a tour of Moscow tomorrow… bus leaves at 7! What?!” He exclaimed, waving the schedule in front of my face. I grabbed it out of his hand and tossed it onto the floor.<br /><br />“Were you expecting to sleep in till noon?”<br /><br />“No but… 7! Really?” I shook my head, not bothering to hide the smile on my face. A knock at the door sent me off the bed and across the room. I pulled the door open expecting Jake or Consti; finding Rennie and some friends instead.<br /><br />“Uh… hey. We’re going out to some club, Consti said we can get in with our Team USA passes… you guys wanna come?” I still felt like crap after my gravol/Nyquil concoction, but I wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to get to know my team better. I took a quick look down at my sweats and then back at Mattie, who was now sitting cross-legged on the floor, shaking his head at the schedule.<br /><br />“Yah! For sure,” I said turning back around to Rennie. “Meet you in the lobby in 5?” He nodded and headed off down the hall. I quickly closed the door and started to discard my clothing. I grabbed a pair of skinny jeans, a tight blue, low-cut shirt and pulled them on. Topping my outfit off with a pair of stiletto heels and an oh-so-sexy Columbian winter jacket. I looked back at Mattie who was digging through his suitcase, pulling out a green t-shirt and pulling it on over his beater and jeans.<br />We walked out into the hall at the same time Jake and Aaron came out of their room; together the four of us headed to the lobby, meeting up with 20 other people.<br /><br />“24?” I asked coming into the room, “who’s missing?”<br /><br />“Consti, he’s at the bar by himself.” A few of us that knew Consti laughed. The rest stood uncomfortably, we all shifted back in forth, watching each other; most eyes were on me.<br /><br />“So… we should go before Dean realizes we’re gone…” Rennie suggested, getting agreement from everyone.<br /><br />Our huge group headed down the sidewalk outside; it was still freezing cold, but lucky for us it wasn’t snowing. The bar was three blocks away and it didn’t take long to reach it. As Consti had informed the boys; our Team USA badges got us in, no questions asked, and we were ushered in to a closed off lounge.<br />I took a seat on one of the white leather couches, beside Mattie, who automatically put his arm around me and pulled me closer. The rest of the guys pilled around and we re-introduced ourselves.<br />25 of us in total had made Team USA, the order, according to the schedule Dean had given us:<br />1. Carlie Simone ( C ) - Line 1<br />2. Matthew Doiron ( RW ) - Line 1<br />3. Jake McQuaid ( C ) - Line 2<br />4. Adam Rennie ( G ) - Starter<br />5. Carter Vessey ( D ) - Line 2<br />6. Chris Rayner ( LW ) - Line 2<br />7. Adam Constable ( D ) - Line 1<br />8. Aaron Turner ( C ) - Line 3<br />9. Jeremy Butler ( D ) - Line 1<br />10. Steven Miller( RW ) - Line 2<br />11. Andrew O‘Shea( LW ) - Line 1<br />12. Wayne Metcalf( RW ) - Line 3<br />13. Sheehan Bryenton ( LW ) - Line 3<br />14. Brett Messick( D ) - Line 2<br />15. Kyle Likely( C ) - Line 4<br />16. Corey Beaton( D ) - Line 3<br />17. Rylie Squire( RW ) - Line 4<br />18. Corey O‘Shea( D ) - Line 3<br />19. Jackson Dowling( LW ) - Line 4<br />20. Matthew Farrar( G ) - Reserve<br />21. Spencer Murphy( D ) - Line 4<br />22. Jared Malone( D ) - Line 4<br />23. Jonathan Morgan ( Extra Defence )<br />24. Michael Grey (Extra Centre )<br />25. Kevin Reid ( Extra Winger )<br /><br />So far I was still having a hard time putting names to faces, but obviously, being the only girl on the team; they all knew me.<br />Mattie had hit it off with the O’Shea twins from Buffalo, and was caught up in a deep conversation with them. I spent some quality time with Rennie and his friends from Oklahoma, Steven Miller and Brett Messick.<br /><br />After a couple hours Consti made his way back over to everyone, some Russian girls in tow. He saw me talking to Rennie and made a B-line for us; grabbing my arms and pulling me off the couch before I could protest. He dragged me onto the dance floor and tried to make me dance.<br />I was a horrible dancer, and I knew it, so I usually tried to avoid these situations whenever it was at all possible. Although judging by the grip Consti had on me, this one was not about to be avoided. Eventually I gave in, allowing him to spin me, dip me , and every other foolish thing he could think of.<br />After three songs he pulled me close to him and leaned down to breathe his whiskey-scented breath in my ear. “You got something with another hockey boy you need to tell me about?”<br /><br />“No… why?”<br /><br />“Superstar over there has been staring at you since you got here. I thought it was just cause of the badge but he’s still watching you, he actually made his friends move to a new table with him to keep an eye on me.”<br /><br />I didn’t need to turn around to know who he was talking about, but I did anyway. There was a dozen or so NHL players spread out in the exclusive VIP lounge. At the table closest to the stairs sat some familiar faces, my ’ex’ among them. Max Talbot, Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Marc-Andre Fleury, Colby Armstrong, Alexander Ovechkin, Sergi Gonchar and an assortment of women sat at the large round table. On seeing my stare, Sidney waved, motioning for me to go over. Consti looked down at me and smiled, taking my hand and moving to the stairs before I could stop him. Rennie walked by and I grabbed onto his arm; trying to stop Constis’ movement with the added wait. My plan backfired once Rennie saw Sidney wave again. He gave me an amazed look before grabbing my other hand and dragging me up the stairs with Consti.<br /><br />Sidney stood up when we reached them, greeting me with a hand shake and introducing himself to the boys.<br />“You guys, this is Carlie Simone, the girl I was telling you about… she’s a forward for Team USA, she’s gonna be playing this week. These are her friends, John Rennie and Adam Constable.”<br /><br />“You can call me Rennie… I’m a huge fan… you’re like my hero!” Rennie shouted over the music, reaching out to shake hands with Fleury; who smiled and thanked him. A few people moved over to make room as three chairs appeared out of thin air.<br />We spent the next while talking about training camp and all hockey-related things.<br /><br />After our conversation switched from pro-hockey to the game NHL 2009, a blond girl spoke up, “Wow… you’re just as bad as them! Hockey, hockey, hockey… don’t you ever get sick of it?”<br /><br />I stared at her with a sincerely shocked look, “Of course not… it’s hockey!” The guys all laughed along with me and we fell back into comfortable conversation, until another Max started asking me random questions about my love-life.<br /><br />“So… must be weird, eh? Playing on the same team as your boyfriend. You guys ever get into nasty fights or what?” I shook my head and laughed along with Consti.<br /><br />“No, we get along pretty good… and when we do fight I always win anyway.” I answered simply, earning a nod of approval from Fleury.<br /><br />“Is the same way with us,” he threw his arm around the black-haired girl next to him, “she always win!” I laughed at the smile on his face and the way she rolled her eyes at his comments; like it was no surprise. I glanced over at Sidney to see him giving Consti a strange look, then it hit me; they thought Consti was my boyfriend.<br /><br />“Oh!” I exclaimed, putting my hand over my mouth and laughing out loud. “He’s not my boyfriend!” I pointed at Consti, “he’s just a friend… my boyfriend does play on our team though.” I looked through the crowd trying to find Mattie, finally finding him at the bar. He was evidently trashed and was sitting at the bar with the O’Shea twins; they had their arms around each other shoulders. I shook my head and laughed again. “He’s the guy… hugging the twin… boys…” I sighed and took a sip of pop as the table erupted with laughter.<br /><br />Colby Armstrong leaned over toward me, a big grin on his face. “You’re a pretty girl and all, but I don’t think he’s going home with you tonight.” I rolled my eyes and punched Consti - who was laughing the loudest of all - in the gut. As fun as the night had been, I could still feel my ’ex-boyfriends’ eyes on me, and the only thing more awkward then sitting this close to him and talking to him; was having no one else know that we already knew each other.<br />No one else seemed to pick up on the sparks that were firing across the table either, or the fact that he was still staring at the back of Mattie’s head with venom in his eyes.<br />I didn’t see his problem, I had kept up my promise; to stay in contact. I had exchanged e-mails with him over the past few months since training camp had ended. He was suppose to leave Mattie alone, to not push me into anything; and here he was, all but diving over the railing at my boyfriend.<br /><br />The worst part about the whole night, was that I kept hoping Mattie wouldn’t come over. I knew that he would have no idea of my past relationship, but I didn’t want a reminder that I was off limits. I didn’t want to be off limits to the handsome man that sat across from me, not tonight.<br />Like every guy at this table, he had girls on either side of him. They were all generic though; those, insert pretty girl here, Barbie type-A girls. It made me feel happy that he wasn’t paying any attention to their fawning; and made me feel guilty that I cared.<br />Last call went out around the bar, as the Russian techno music began to be turned down; the lights turned up. I took a last look across the table to find him looking back at me. I sighed and gave him a small smile.<br /><br />“We should head back, it was really nice meeting you all! Hopefully you’ll make it out to some of the games…” I said as I pushed myself up from my chair.<br /><br />“Wouldn’t miss it! I’m expecting a hat trick in the first game, by the way.” Crosby quipped as I headed down to the bar to collect Mattie.<br /><br />“Just for you superstar!” I laughed over my shoulder, noticing that Consti and Rennie were right behind me.<br />Mattie was too drunk to walk by himself; Consti threw him over his shoulder and headed outside. I ran back up to the couches to get my coat before following them out.<br /><br />Consti threw Mattie down on the bed, he was out cold. I said good night to the rest of the guys and closed the door; stripping down into a pair of boy shorts and a long-sleeved Crosby shirt.<br />I was settling into bed when there was a knock at the door. It was loud, but it didn’t even register with Mattie, who was snoring soundly beside me. I looked at the clock; 4:17AM. <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">Go to bed Consti!</span> I thought feverishly as I opened the door.<br /><br />“Oh! Hi Max…how did you know where-”<br /><br />“We need to talk.” The penguin said, leaning on my doorframe, a look of fear on his face.<br /><br />“Umm…” I looked behind me at Mattie, “I don’t think this is the best time Max…” I didn’t need to ask why he was here. There was only one reason he would be coming to call at this late.<br /><br />“It has to be now… I won’t get any sleep if we don’t talk now.” I nodded, understanding completely what he meant. I took a last look at Mattie, before pulling the door stopper down and stepping out into the hall after Max. He disappeared around a corner and I rounded it; not seeing him anywhere. I continued a few paces down the hallway, when I felt someone grab my arm and pull me into a room.<br />Before I knew it I was standing in the ’ice/pop machine’ room, face-to-face with Evgeni Malkin.<br /><br />“Where did Max go?” I asked, as the Russian stared down at me, his brown eyes watching me patiently. After a minute of silence I asked again, “Where did Max go?” This time he responded with a nonchalant shrug.<br /><br />“This matter?” He asked in broken English.<br /><br />“No, I guess not… why did he go to my room then?”<br /><br />“Um. I know, you not come here if you know it’s me.” He looked down at the floor, his face contorted in pain. I reached out my hand to him, pulling it back before I could touch him.<br /><br />“Evgeni, I’m sorry… I can’t do this… I have to go.” I took a step towards the door, but he grabbed me and pulled me against him.<br /><br />“You don’t…”<br /><br />“But I do… Mattie’s-” He cut me off with a kiss. His lips were hot and rough on mine. I had always wondered what it would be like to kiss him, and now I knew; it was better than anything I had imagined. All the hours I had spent day-dreaming about it seemed so dull and foolish now, when compared to the real thing.<br />Somehow my hands had become intertwined in his hair, my body was pressing up against him on it’s own accord.<br />Suddenly my mind began to work again and I realized the implications of what I was doing. I pulled back, pushing myself away from him before he could stop me. I put my hands over my face and turned my back to him. <span style="FONT-STYLE: italic">What did I just do?</span> I could feel tears pooling under my lids and I shook my head trying to keep them away.<br />He timidly placed his hands on my shoulders, spinning me around and then pulling my hands down.<br /><br />“You promised you wouldn’t do this… you said you wouldn’t do anything while I was with Mattie…”<br /><br />“And you promise never to leave me… now we both break promise.” He pulled me against him again, this time to rest his chin on my head. “I’m sorry Carlie, I can’t help what it. I feel…” I could feel him shake his head, unable to find the words that we were both thinking.<br /><br />“I need to go back Geno…”<br /><br />“He drunk, he can’t know you not there.”<br /><br />“No, but I know I’m not there. I need to be there Geno, I can’t do this to him…” I moved away from him, this time he didn’t try to stop me; instead he followed me out into the hall and laced his fingers with mine. I knew I should tell him to let go but the damage had already been done, and this didn’t feel worth the fight.<br />He walked me to my door, kissing my forehead goodnight. He was halfway down the hall before he turned around.<br /><br />“Carlie. I mean what I say last time. We should be…” He interlaced the fingers on his two hands, searching.<br /><br />“… together…”<br /><br />He nodded. “We will be. It is how it should be.” I gave him a sad smile and he continued walking.<br /><br />I closed my door behind me and walked over in between the two queen beds in our room. Mattie was now spread out over both sides, still snoring. I looked down at him and felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I couldn’t make out with my ex-boyfriend and then lie beside my new boyfriend. I sighed and pulled the covers off the other bed; crawling in before turning off the light, leaving myself alone in the dark.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-72118517250825087632009-08-10T20:20:00.000-07:002009-08-10T20:47:34.554-07:00Chapter 17“Alright so… let’s get this show on the road!” Dean shouted from the podium clapping his hands together. The cafeteria was disgustingly tense today; so much was going to change in the next hour.<br />I had gotten almost no sleep the night before. Mattie and I had arrived back to the room around 5am, and were up three hours later to get ready for the final day of training camp. I was a bundle of nerves, holding Mattie’s hand firmly in mine, my forehead slumped onto the table. Carrol was still drunk and Marty was twitching his leg so bad it was moving the table. Consti was cool-as-a-cucumber, or so the expression goes, filling himself with a mound of food; in a room full of people to stressed to eat.<br />Mattie was subdued. He sat expressionless; one hand wrapped protectively around his stomach, the other still in my hand, was clammy and shaking slightly. It pained me to see him so upset, hopefully this would be over soon.<br /><br />“We’ll do the individual awards first. Position, the extra awards and then the presentation of the championship trophies.” Dean explained, extending his arm to include the table of trophies set up behind him.<br />“First off. <span style="font-style: italic;">Over all best performance by a goalie</span>, goes to… Adam Rennie!” I pulled my face off the table and clapped politely.<br /><br />“No real surprise there…” I whispered to Mattie. Rennie shook Dean’s hand before carrying his trophy back down to his table.<br /><br />“<span style="font-style: italic;">Over all best performance by a defenseman</span>, goes to… Carter Vessey!” The giant 6’7” defenseman strutted up to the stage to get his award. Unsurprisingly Consti seemed nonchalant about the whole thing. I looked over at Mattie, he smiled weakly at me.<br /><br />“<span style="font-style: italic;">Over all best performance by a forward,</span> goes to… Carlie Simone!” I clapped my hands, continuing to look at Mattie.<br /><br />Mattie looked back at me then started laughing, pushing me out of my seat. I looked around to see everyone looking at me. “Oh!” I blushed, heading up to the stage.<br /><br />“Congratulations Carlie.” Dean said quietly as I shook his hand.<br /><br />“Thanks Dean.” I smiled, carrying my trophy back to my seat.<br /><br />Dean handed out a few more awards. Best play maker, went to Mattie; I embarrassed him by whistling when he went up for his award. Most Improved, went to my recent team-mate Aaron Turner. MVP went to Jake; and I was honoured with Most Points Scored Overall.<br /><br />When it came time to hand out the final trophies, the training staff carted around some boxes of souvenir shirts to hand out to everyone that was left. I joined the rest of my team up on stage for the final award; the first place trophies. I couldn’t even bring myself to be excited anymore. I knew that the team cuts were about to be announced after this and that was the only thing left on my mind. As I stood on the stage beside Aaron, looking over the group of guys, I felt sick.<br />Luckily Dean was quick and I was able to return to my seat after just a few minutes. Now the real trouble started.<br /><br />My friends and I sat in silence while Dean pinned up the single sheet of names on the back wall.<br />As De ja vu took over, Consti was the only one to get up and check. He strutted over to the wall, laughing as his finger traced down the names. He turned after a minute and marched back to where we were waiting.<br />“Picked number 7th over all… not too bad.” He smiled to himself before picking up his fork and continuing his breakfast.<br /><br />“And…?” Carrol asked, leaning over the table.<br /><br />“And what?”<br /><br />“And were we on there?”<br /><br />“Not all of you…” He sighed and looked up at Carrol. Carrol continued to stare at him; Consti shook his head, showing disappointment for the first time. “Carlie and Mattie made it… but...” he looked over at Marty, “you weren’t on there either man… sorry.” Marty nodded, staring down at his lap.<br /><br />I was so excited I thought that my chest was about to burst open. Mattie was holding my hand under the table and squeezing it in quick pulses. We were both dying to celebrate but I could tell by the way he stayed at the table that these feelings would have to wait… right now Carrol and Marty needed us more.<br /><br /><br />Mattie and I were the last to leave the cafeteria. We sat quietly at our table, 4 awards shared between us, as we contently smiled at each other. Mattie tore his eyes from me and glanced around the room.<br />“We should probably head back now babe…” He said quietly, rubbing the back of his fingers along my cheek. I nodded and we both got up, grabbing our awards.<br />I hugged mine closely to my chest as we headed to the back of the room. We walked up to the list of names and read it over for ourselves.<br />My name was the first name on the list. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes and I took a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. I continued reading; Mattie was right after me, followed by Jack. Aaron was further down the list, as were a few other names I recognized. I couldn’t keep my excitement in any longer; I had made Team USA, I was going to Russia to compete in a world-renown event, and best of all, Mattie was coming with me.<br />I felt hot tears rolling down my face as years of hardship and struggle washed over me in the form of vindication. Mattie saw the tears and spun me to the side so we were face to face. He looked concerned until I gave him a wide smile; he returned it then tossed his trophy over onto a nearby table, pulling mine out of my hands and tossing them too.<br /><br />He pulled my up against him roughly and I was surprised by the force of his hands and mouth as he pressed his body against mine, but these thoughts didn’t last for long.<br />I smiled into the kiss as he deepened it bringing his tongue inside to find mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck, winding my hands into his hair; insuring he couldn’t pull away.<br />With strength I was unfamiliar with he brought his hands down to the back of my thighs, lifting me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist and stifled a moan. He moved forward easily, until my back was pressed against the wall firmly. Brining his lips from mine, he moved down to my neck; one hand coming off of my thigh to explore the small of my back, moving up inside of my shirt. His hand worked it’s way under my bra so that his thumb was massaging my breast, causing my breathing to accelerate as I grabbed at his shoulders till my nails began to dig in through his t-shirt.<br />He started to lower me back to the ground, laughing at my groan of protest. His face was red and kissed me a few more times before pulling away.<br />“We should probably relocate this babe…” he trailed off in a husky voice. I watched his delicious lips as he spoke, sighing with the knowledge he was right.<br /><br />“Fine, but we go now!” Mattie laughed at my exuberance and grabbed my hand, half-dragging me out of the cafeteria towards our dorm.<br /><br />His phone buzzed half a dozen times as we dashed across the lawn and up the stairs. He threw open the door and shoved my roughly down on the bed before pulling off his shirt and climbing on top of me.<br /><br />“Ok… stop everything! I’m gonna need some popcorn for this!” Consti quipped from his side of the room.<br /><br />“If you don’t wanna see anything you should go cause I’m not stopping.” Mattie retorted.<br /><br />Consti sat on the edge of his bed, “On second this, I don’t really wanna be here to watch Mattie fail at something besides hockey… I’ll be upstairs.” He dashed out of the room without a backwards glance.<br />Mattie’s phone went off again and he reached out a hand to hit it off the bedside table.<br />“Maybe you should get that…” I trailed off, hoping he would ignore me.<br /><br />“Maybe…” I sighed and he reached down to the floor. He looked at the caller ID and flipped the phone open. “What? No… I don’t know… no… why? Does it have to be now?” I could hear a female voice screaming at him from the other side of the phone. “God! Ok! Fine… calm the hell down I’ll get him… Jesus!” He moved the phone away from his ear. “Babe, she might skin me alive I don’t give this to Consti… apparently he’s not answering her calls.” I mopped back, not bothering to hide my disappointment.<br /><br />“Alright… but come back quick k?”<br /><br />“I’ll just throw it at him… be right back!” He dashed off not bothering to put his shirt back on. I laughed at the scratch marks that were already forming on his shoulders.<br /><br />I glanced around the room from my vantage point on his bed, smiling to myself at Mattie’s apparent change in demeanour, apparently making the team had been very good for his confidence. I sat up and looked around at the room, I wonder how different our relationship will be once we’re back in the real world. Real world relationships weren’t that great for me… I was 0 - 1 the last time I checked. At that thought I turned and looked to my left. Well that’s awkward… I lost my virginity with my boyfriend, under a poster of my ex… Suddenly I felt disgusted with myself. I hopped up and pulled the poster down, unceremoniously rolling it up and tossing it over with the rest of our things. I glanced around the room and decided I might as well take them all down.<br /><br />I was rolling up the last poster when Mattie came back in. “Well,” he sighed exasperated, “he was not happy to get that call!” I laughed back, tossing the last poster with the rest.<br /><br />“Oh… you took them down…” Mattie said slowly, glancing at the empty spot above his bed. “Why?”<br /><br />“Well… we’re leaving today…”<br /><br />“Oh yah… yah that’s right… you’re taking them home with you.” He nodded to himself and I froze. His eyes were still on the place where the poster above his bed use to be.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He knows!</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">No he doesn’t… that’s crazy. He has no reason to even think that was your ex-boyfriend.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">He’d say something… for sure he would…</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Right? </span><br /><br />“Nope, tossin them out… I figure at the rate I’m going I’ll be an NHLer soon and it’d be bad for endorsements to have posters of the enemies on my wall.” I laughed, trying to mask the hysteria in my voice.<br /><br />“You’re really throwing them out?”<br /><br />“Yah…” I nodded, trying to make him feel foolish for asking that. “Geez Mattie, they’re just posters.”<br /><br />“Yah… I just know how much you love your Pens.” He shrugged, licking his lips. I hopped off the bed and walked over to him, wrapping myself around him again.<br /><br />“Yah I do… but nothing compared to how much I love you.” He smiled down at me, a smile that lit up his eyes, as wrapped his arms around me. He flopped back down onto the bed with me beneath him, and we continued where we left off.<br /><br />I knew there was no way he could possibly know about my secret, but even so; I wanted to make sure he knew what I had just said was the truth.<br />I was positive I was over-reacting, but I couldn’t help is as I held onto him tighter, and kissed him with all the passion I had… just in case.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-41261002456016955922009-08-08T16:41:00.000-07:002009-08-08T16:48:06.436-07:00Chapter 16I had no idea how I’d managed to fall asleep.<br /><br />Mattie was sprawled out next to me, I could feel him sleeping soundly; I could hear Consti still snoring. My heart was pounding through my chest as I lay in bed, I knew that I’d never be able to stop the adrenaline that was no pumping through my system. I took a few deep breaths, trying to bring my heart-rate under control as I glanced over at the clock. 4:37AM, <span style="font-style: italic;">Well fuck…</span><br />I sighed and threw my legs over the side off the bed. I grabbed a pair of Pilates’ pants off the back of the computer chair and pulled my hair back into a pony-tail; moving as softly as I could manage. I took one last look at Consti and Mattie before slipping quietly out into the darkened hallway.<br /><br />I jogged off towards the gym, taking the long way. I could still feel my heart pumping hard, more from nerves than the actual workout I was getting. I pushed my legs faster as I reached the gym, instead of going inside though I ran past it; there was no way it’d be open before 5 anyway.<br /><br />I let my mind wander over the events of yesterday and what was to come today. Today was Saturday, the finals were to start tonight at 7pm. My team, team number one, would be playing against Jake’s team, team number 5.<br />As it stood, my team was the only team that hadn’t lost a game yet; and I wasn’t planning on starting tonight. Not only did the championship and upping the chances on making Team USA rest on the outcome of this game, but there were going to be scouts here tonight… NHL training camp scouts.<br />I tired not to let that bother me too much. I had played infront of scouts before. This time though, this time was going to be different. This time I actually had a reason to play my best, I was trying to get a spot on Team USA; if I managed that, who’s to say I wouldn’t get an invite to the NHL camp?<br /><br /><br /><br />“You can do this… just remember to breath.” I wasn’t sure how Mattie had managed to sneak into the dressing room, but I wasn’t going to complain. “You haven’t lost with this team, ever, and the last time you played team 5 you crushed them. You can do it again.”<br /><br />I sighed and looked around the room. Mattie and I were off in the corner; the rest of my team were sitting on the dressing room benches, preparing for the game of our lives. “I know, I know…” I replied quietly, trying to convince myself as much as I was trying to appease Mattie.<br /><br />“Alright guys, we need to head out there…” Aaron called out after checking his watch.<br /><br />“Guess that includes me… wish me luck.” I pulled Mattie into a hug.<br /><br />“I would, but you don’t need it babe.” He smiled down at me and kissed me on the lips before leaving quickly through the side door. I let out another sigh, <span style="font-style: italic;">pull it together Carlie</span>.<br /><br /><br />I skated out to centre ice to take the first faceoff, searching for Mattie’s face in the crowd. I found him, next to Marty and the rest of the guys, sitting behind our net. He gave me a weak smile and I grimaced back. I had never been more nervous for a game ever, I knew my only chance at not allowing my fear to cripple me was to try and play this game like it was any other. <br /><br /><br /><br />The bodies were thick in front of the net. My skates, sped by adrenaline, turned quickly and sliced down the middle of the ice. I turned away fast, nearly stumbling over the stick of a defenseman before taking the puck on my stick and charging back towards the main group. A slap shot fell short and I hurtled around to try and stop the puck. Someone sent the puck back up to our end; I pushed off after it. I grabbed it behind my team’s net, and sped back down the ice towards the other net.<br />A stick caught me on my shin and I skidded down onto my knees, never loosing control of the puck. The defence came up hard; but I was faster. From my knees I sent the puck spiralling into the five-hole, goal one.<br /><br />A twist, a feign, a turn, then a second had the defence turning ever-which-way as I boar down on the goalies unprotected left side; goal two sent his water bottle flying.<br /><br />Rushing out to the goalies left, turning right to slash across the crease at Aaron. He sent the puck spinning into the cross-bar. A forward grabbed the puck and took it back off to our end. I pursued him, catching up to him easily. The other teams defence tried to slow me as I brought the puck out of my end. I saw the guy, his eyes locked on me. Within a second I sent the puck off the ice and leaped up and forward; hitting him with my shoulder, squarely in the chest. We both fell but it didn’t matter. Aaron found a weak spot above the goalies blocker; goal three.<br /><br />The third period was a done deal. We were winning 3-0 with 2 minutes left in the game.<br />A flip of my wrist; a reverse slap shot; my hat-trick took the game to 4-0.<br /><br /><br />My team-mates and I partied long into the night. It was an exhausting win, but a great win none-the-less. I couldn’t believe that we had dominated the play so bad; couldn’t believe that we had managed to shut Jack down. Jack had been my main competition at the camp, a fact we both knew. He was a great player and I could still hardly believe that we were able to win the championship so easily.<br /><br />“I need to pack Carlie, tomorrow’s the last day and we’re suppose to take our luggage down with us…” Mattie was behind me, talking in my ear, trying to be heard over the loud music that was surrounding us. I glanced over at the clock on the wall.<br /><br />“Oh! Sorry Mattie I didn’t realize it was after 3!” I laughed at how quickly the time had flown since the end of the game. I grabbed his hand and moved towards the door of the rec room.<br /><br />“No! No, you stay here, I can throw your stuff in.”<br /><br />“Mattie, you don’t have to pack for me.”<br /><br />“Babe, you just won the championship… with a hat-trick.” He laughed and shook his head, “You stay here and celebrate I’ll throw your stuff in your suitcase too.” He silenced my protest by covering my mouth with his hand. “It’ll take ten minutes and then I’ll come right back… promise.” He removed his hand and gave me a quick kiss before heading off down the hall.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Mattie’s POV</span><br /><br /></div><br />I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself on the way down to our room. If anyone had had any doubts left about Carlie they were gone after her performance tonight. Not only had she dominated the game and won it; she had done so with a hat-trick and an assist. On top of that I was feeling pretty smug myself. After having a quick chat with some of the training staff I was confident I’d be heading to Russia myself.<br />I threw open our door and laughed at the mess. It really hadn’t looked this bad this morning… at least, I didn’t think it did.<br />I grabbed all of Constis’ stuff off his bed and packed it into his bag for him. My stuff was all in the corner so I grabbed it and pilled it back into my suitcase. I looked back around the room at Carlie’s stuff and laughed again. <span style="font-style: italic;">How could someone so small make such a huge mess?</span> I sighed and started shoving stuff back into her bag.<br /><br />After a few minutes I looked around the room; it was all clear. I pilled the suitcase up in the corner for tomorrow morning. I also took the liberty of grabbing some pop cans and chip bags off the floor and putting them in the garbage. A last look around the room and I spotted a few more pieces of garbage on the floor. I sighed and started picking them up too. I glanced them over before throwing them in the garbage. Schedule, movie stub, another schedule, receipt… the last small piece of paper caught my attention. I was a small square of cardstock; I turned it over in my hands.<br /><br /> <span style="font-style: italic;">Carlie, was just thinking about you. Wanted to say good luck and I can’t wait to see you in Russia… Always yours, </span><br /><br />I stopped reading and turned the card over in my hands twice more before reading it again. <span style="font-style: italic;">Just thinking about you…</span> maybe he was just having a conversation with someone about the only girl to be invited to try out for Team USA… yah… that’s probably it.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Wanted to say good luck…</span> that’s pretty innocent. <span style="font-style: italic;">Can’t wait to see you in Russia…</span> maybe he likes Russia? Maybe he’s going there with friends to watch the game? <span style="font-style: italic;">Always yours</span>… ummm… standard goodbye? Sure, why not…<br /><br />I read the name again, it sounded familiar but I had never heard Carlie mention him; hell, she’d never mentioned anyone to us… ever. <span style="font-style: italic;">God, that sounds familiar though…</span><br />I held the card out in front me, looking up in thought. One of the random posters plastered on the walls caught my attention and I read the name again. “No fucking way…”<br /><br />I flopped down on the bed, still holding the card in my hands. I couldn’t take my eyes off the poster and I continued to hold the card. “No fucking way…” I said again, trying to deny the obvious. She would have mentioned if she dated a pro hockey player… <span style="font-style: italic;">Ugh! He’s above my bed… our bed…</span><br />“No,” I shook my head, still staring at his face. “No… there’s lots of people out there with that name… shit! Who am I kidding. No there’s not. What the fuck?!” I threw the tiny card into the garbage.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Okay, it’s okay. Carlie would have mentioned this if it was a big deal. She’d never, never do anything to hurt me so I have nothing to worry about.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Well… a pro hockey player is sending my girlfriend cards… but no biggie, she’s with me and I trust her.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">How could she have forgotten to mention this to us? To me?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Hmmm… think… did she ever say anything about this? No… this I would have remembered.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Come on Mattie… think… ’By the way, one of the penguins likes me…?’ No… can’t say that happened. </span>I looked up at his smug smile again<span style="font-style: italic;">. Fuck! </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Oh shit… the seats! She said she won a contest for Pen season tickets right behind the bench. Ugh! There was no contest… he probably gave them to her… oh shit…</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Well that doesn’t matter, she’s with me. If she wanted to be with him she would be and she’s not so… no big deal. </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">If it WAS a big deal she would have put this in a safe place to save it, not disregarded it like that… yah… she didn’t care about him.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Why didn’t she tell me though?! </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Cause if she told me I’d freak out.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">And she doesn’t like him so… there’s no reason for me to freak out…</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Unless she’s trying to hide the fact that she likes him too.</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">FUCK!</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">No… that’s not true she doesn’t like him, I have to trust her. Without trust in a relationship what do you have?</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">If she didn’t want to tell me she has her reasons and I need to have faith in her. </span><br /><br />I pushed myself off the bed and headed out of the room, stopping before I opened the door. I turned back around to see the Pittsburgh Penguin forward smiling at me from across the room. “Get your own fucking girlfriend!” I spat before I walked into the hallway, slamming the door behind me.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-69852419748300963152009-07-27T16:16:00.000-07:002009-09-13T11:56:26.478-07:00Chapter 15As I made my way out the back doors of the rink I exchanged a few high-fives, fist bumps and quick hugs with my fellow teams mates. We had won our game, 2-1, against Jake's team and were now guaranteed a spot in the semi finals. As incredible as the high from our win felt, I knew I didn't have time to truly enjoy it. Mattie's game would be starting soon, but that thought was only second in my mind right now; I had a more pressing issue.<br /><br />Even though my phone call had confirmed our meeting, my heart still did a flip flop as pushed the back doors opened and stepped out into the warm evening air.<br />He was there, just as he had promised; this caught me off guard even though it shouldn't, he had -after all- never broken a promise to me before.<br /><br />He was sitting with his back to me on the edge of the loading dock, his post-season due was cropped short under his 'Pirates' hat, which he had on backwards. The doors banged loudly behind me, causing me to jump; he never looked up. I cautiously walked over to him, cursing myself for calling him in the first place. He never looked up as he said, "You play well today." His thick accent caught me off guard: had it always been that noticeable, or had it just been too long since we'd talked in person.<br /><br />"Thanks." I said, clearing my voice afterwards, already the emotion was thick in my voice. Hearing him and seeing him this close again was causing a storm of guilt to tug at me, threatening to pull me under.<br /><br />"I surprise you ask to see me." He stood up and turned to face me. He was wearing a blue-plaid fitted shirt, the very shirt that I had bought for him on his birthday, he had his hands carefully tucked into his front pockets. "I glad you call."<br /><br />"Well, I did... I mean... I do want to talk to you in person, I meant... back home in Pittsburgh though..."<br /><br />He chuckled and took another step towards me, "I coming here... anyway..." He pulled his hands out his pocket and held them towards me, taking another step forward.<br /><br />"Don't!" I cried holding me hands up in front of me. He turned a light shade of pink and rocked back on his heels, looking hurt. I instantly felt bad for raising my voice, after all this was my fault and not the other way around. It seemed like no matter what I did I was always hurting him. I sighed a tried to compose myself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you came all this way but I can't do this... I have a boyfriend." The word felt foreign on my lips in the present company, and it also brought over a new wave of guilt, Mattie was probably wondering where I was.<br /><br />He took another step back and exhaled. "You embarrass of him? Like you embarrass of me?"<br /><br />"I was never embarrassed of you..." I replied quietly, taking a step forward.<br /><br />"You no let me touch you, you no let me kiss you. You not even meet team-mates... not even call me boyfriend." His eyes began to rim with tears as he suddenly turned his back on me. "I love you Carlie... First time we meet I know you no like other girls... I want you." We stood like that for a few minutes, both trying to get a better handle on our emotions. He turned around finally, his eyes holding mine "You love me too, you know? You have boyfriend now, but you love me. Say it."<br /><br />I no longer had any idea what to say, I figured the truth was my best option; no matter what I said someone was going to get hurt. "I do... I do love you. I'm sorry, but that doesn't change anything. I'm with Mattie now, and I can't just leave him... I love him too." Until this exact moment I didn't even realize that it was possible to love more than one person at once. I had always mulled the idea over in my head, whether or not I loved him, but it seemed so strange and so forbidden at the time. I knew I could never allow it to happen, but seeing him here and feeling all the things that that meant for me, I knew I couldn't deny it any longer, the truth at least.<br /><br />When I looked back up at him he was smiling. "I know. You with him now but... you with me soon." He took another timid step towards me, "Carlie, I come... to tell you... I not mad, anymore. I know why you leave... I know."<br /><br />It was hard for me to even hear what he was saying any longer. Knowing for sure that he didn't hate me, that he finally understood why I need to do this without him, it was like nothing else mattered.<br /><br />"I think - before - is cause of things I do... in past. Now I know truth. You need to get here alone, but you love me."<br /><br />I nodded my head, I didn't like that fact that he was still in so much pain, but I was relieved that he knew it wasn't because of his short-comings; it was because of mine. "I wish things could have been different for us, I'm sorry that I hurt you... I never wanted that to happen. I always thought you'd just move on to something better..."<br /><br />"Is no better to me." He shrugged his shoulders and smiled, "I wait. This why I send flowers. Once you get in, you come back to me."<br /><br />"I don't know if that's-"<br /><br />"I not here to guilt. Just to say, I know I love you more than him. We are good togeteher."<br /><br />"I'm glad you came." And I was. Looking up at him now I could remember how easy it was to be around him. He was the first person I had ever really trusted, ever really let in. He had made me feel special but he had also respected who I was and what I wanted out of life.<br />Before I knew what was happening he had closed the gap between us in two long strides, I didn't even have time to protest as he wrapped his long arms around my waiste and pulled me in close. He brought his head down and kissed the top of my head, pulling me in harder against his body. I hugged him back.<br /><br />After a few minutes I pulled away, "I really have to get back, the other game probably started already..."<br /><br />"You stay in touch? Please?"<br /><br />"Of course."<br /><br />He nodded and gave me a smile. "I love you. I see you in Russia."<br /><br />"Bye... I'll write you, I promise." He smiled and turned away, heading off into the parking lot as I turned and headed for the door.<br /><br /><br /><br />I hadn't realized how long I'd been outside when I got back into the rink. The boys were just coming back on the ice for the second period and I could see Mattie glancing around the rink. I jogged down the steps up to the glass, and banged on it. Mattie looked over and saw me. He gave me a huge smile and a wave before heading over to centre ice. The game was 0-0 for the time being, and I decided to go find a seat behind Mattie's bench.<br />I walked quickly around the rink, and then bolted up the stairs where I found Marty sitting with an empty seat beside him. "Where have you been?" He asked before I had even sat down.<br /><br />"Sorry, something came up, how's he been playing?"<br /><br />"Alright, his defence sucks though so... they're having a hard time keeping the puck away. Constis' doing awesome and Carrol is... well he's out there anyway. Not his best performance." I looked over on the ice to where Carrol was, his head was all but hanging and he looked throuoghly downcasted.<br /><br />"That's too bad..." I sighed, as the puck dropped.<br /><br /><br />The final score was 3-1 for Team 4 (Consti and Carrol's team), with that win it had been decided that my team and team 4 would get free passes to the semies. Mattie had gotten the only goal for his team, on a break-away, and I couldn't be more happy. This meant that tomorrow, Tuesday, we would all have a free day to train or relax as we saw fit and then the games would start on Wednesday.<br />Wednesday morning Jake's team was going to be playing against Marty's team, the winner of which would play Consti's team in the semies. Like wise, that evening, Mattie's team would be playing against 'Renny's team (Team 6); the winner would play my team in the semies.<br /><br />I waited around the rink for Mattie to get out so we could walk back to the dorm together. My 'back door' conversation, as I was refering to it, was safely locked away in the back of my mind. I knew that whatever happened I couldn't worry about that now... it wasn't fair to myself to get worked up over anything when I needed to focus on hockey, and most of all it wasn't fair to get worked up over another boy when I had a great boyfriend already.<br /><br />I saw Mattie coming out of the dressing rooms before he saw me, and I couldn't help but smile at the smile on his face. He was so proud of himself. Mattie rarely got break aways, he was much more of a 'sniper' type player, prefering to sit in wait... when he has good people around him, he rarely missed.<br />He finally saw me and made a B-line to where I was standing, pulling me into a big hug and planting a kiss on my lips.<br />"Well somebody's in a good mood!" I smiled up at him, pulling him closer for another kiss.<br /><br />"How could I not be... I got a hot girlfriend, and I'm pretty sure that I'm the best hockey player ever." I couldn't help but laugh at how sincer he sounded.<br /><br />"Alright superstar, let's go to bed... big day in the gym tomorrow!" I said, grabbing his hand and pulling him behind me outside.<br /><br />"Superstars don't need the gym... this is pure natural talent right here!" I punched him in the gut and laughed as he chased me back up to the dorms.<br /><br /><br />It was hard for me to get to sleep that night. It felt like so many things had happened all at once. I was so unsure of what I should be doing anymore. I felt bad, but I wasn't even sure who I felt bad for... had I cheated on Mattie, or was cheating all physical? I had told someone else that I loved them, but I had also said I loved Mattie... did it cancell out? Ugh! Why was everything so complicated...Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-11471602714356017022009-07-18T17:44:00.000-07:002009-07-18T20:23:40.462-07:00Chapter 14We had all been fairly evenly divided. I was on team 1, Mattie on team 2 and Marty on team 3. Consti and Carrol ended up together on 4, while Jake was on 5. Team 6 had no one of real notice, other then an insane goalie by the of 'Renny', who was almost impossible to score on... <span style="font-style: italic;">almost</span>.<br /><br />As our schedules informed us, Sunday and Monday would be spent in exhibition games. We would play anywhere from two to four games, the first two teams to win two games got a pass to the semi-finals. We had tuesdays off to work with our teams, and then Wednesday and Thursday would be the semis. Friday we were off again before the finals, which would take place Saturday night.<br />I was excited to play again but I was also having a hard time shaking the feeling I got everytime I thought of playing against Mattie. I, of course, had been playing against him lots in the past week, but we were being judged individually then; his team loseing to mine or vise, hadn't had as big of an impact as it would have this week.<br />Sitting next to him now in the rec room, his arm flung carelessly around my shoulders, most people wouldn't be able to pick up on his edgy-ness. I was not most people. The thought of watching him lose made me upset, but I wasn't a fan of loseing either; nor were Consti, Carrol and Marty who would also be playing each other tomorrow.<br /><br />"I'm tired. I think I'm gonna head to bed, you staying here?" I said quietly, leaning in to him.<br /><br />"Yah for another minute maybe, I'll be there soon though alright?" I nodded, kissing him goodbye before I left. I made my way down the hall to our room, it was strange how much less noise there was in the dorms now. There were still way too many teenaged boys for it to be considered quiet, but it was almost errie after the weeks before.<br /><br />When I got to our room I flopped down on the bed; Consti was already lying on his, flipping through a sports illustrated. "You worried about tomorrow?" I asked, searching for my PJs<br /><br />"Nope." he answered, never taking his eyes from the pages.<br /><br />"You're playing Marty tomorrow, aren't worried at all?"<br /><br />"Nope."<br /><br />I let out a deep sigh before grabbing my PJs and heading into the bathroom. When I came out Consti was watching me, with a big smile on his face. "What?" I asked, putting my hands on my hips and glaring at him.<br /><br />"What's got you so wound up tonight?" He asked, tossing his magazine aside while he continued to look at me.<br /><br />"You're playing your best friend tomorrow, and you're not even worried at all about the outcome?"<br /><br />"Nope," he laughed, "I know the outcome, I'm gonna beat his team, and try to get him to fight me if I can... if he won't, I'm just gonna put him on his ass a bunch." He replied so matter-of-factly it was hard to tell if he was being serious.<br /><br />"Are you making fun of me?"<br /><br />"No, I just think you're being stupid. Mattie's a good player and he's not gonna be pissed if you beat him. It's probably not even gonna make him look bad if you beat him. Mattie's awesome, he'll make Team USA and he'll do it even after he looses to you."<br /><br />"You don't think he'll hate me, if I win?"<br /><br />He gave a loud laugh before talking again. "Are you gonna hate him if he wins?" I shook my head, "And, will you break up with him if he scores on you?" I continued to shake my head. "Carlie, if anything, he'll be pissed if you let him score on you... it'd de-man him, and let's face it... Mattie ain't got a whole lotta man as it is." I stared at him incredulity, and he just laughed harder. I began to smile as I watched him tear-up from his own joke. Mattie pushed open to door a second later, stopping short as he looked over at Consti. His sudden appearance had forced Consti into even more histarics and I couldn't help but laugh along; Mattie just shook his head as he went into the bathroom to get ready for bed.<br /><br />Consti was snoring before I had even got comfortable. I finally found my nook, nestled in against Mattie, my head on his chest. He was lying on his back with one hand behind his head, the other wrapped around me, coming to rest on the small of my back. "Carlie?" He whispered, his lips brushing the tope of my head.<br /><br />"Mmmhmmm..." I replied, feeling exhaustion beginning to overwhelm me.<br /><br />"I'll love you, no matter what happens this week, I just want you to know that. Obviously I'd love to make it onto the team with you, but I'll be proud of you... no matter what. You know that right?"<br /><br />"I know." I sighed, surpressing the following <span style="font-style: italic;">'now' </span>that was on my lips. "And the same goes for you... I'm sad I can't play with you now though..."<br /><br />"We can play together in Russia." He replied in a husky voice, his fingers beginning to run up and down my spine. "We can even do some hockey if you want..." I laughed as I rolled on top of him and brushed my lips across his.<br /><br />"Who likes hockey anyway?"<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />There was a few minutes left in the game against Mattie's team, we were up 6-2. The score was surprising to say the least, my team was actually fairly awful. Aaron had two goals and I had four, plus an assist. The rest of the team seemed to be sitting around waiting for me to do something; I thought it was impart to the brand-new 'C' that was now attatched to my jersey. It was beginning to feel more like a curse than anything, just as I'm sure Aaron was no longer thrilled about his 'A' as he had been that morning. It was fun to be winning, but team victories were always much more satisfactory than personal wins... this one was, unfortunitly, a two man effort.<br />I was happy that Mattie was doing great though. He had one goal and one assist but he was playing very agressive, something he didn't do nearly enough; it was paying off. It was nice to see that he had also been named an alternate captain for his team, he was definetly the best out there.<br /><br />By the time the final buzzer sounded the score hadn't changed. I made my way to the locker room and showered quickly, changing into some casual clothing before heading out into the main hall. Mattie was waiting for me, all smiles, as I approached. "Good game babe." He said, pulling me into a warm hug and kissing me. I smiled back at him.<br /><br />"If I knew you took an ass whoppin this good, I'd do it more often!" He laughed and took my hand, leading me out into the cool night air.<br /><br />"Not so much the loss it's self, but I think I did pretty good tonight... and by the way babe... you're team kind of sucks!"<br /><br />"Ugh! I know! Why bother telling me again?"<br /><br />"Just thought you might like to know, I mean, as Captain and everything..." He started to laugh and I playfully punched him in the arm.<br /><br />"I wonder who we play tomorrow..." I thought out loud as we continued walking towards the dorm.<br /><br />"Um, don't quote me on this but I think you're gonna be playing Jake... I'm playing Consti and Carrol!! That should be... interesting..."<br /><br /><br />Once we were inside the dorm Mattie left to find Marty, promising to only be a minute, as I continued to make my way down to our room. I opened the door to a smell that caught me off guard. Not that our room smelled too bad, we left our gear at the rink afterall, but I didn't wear perfume and I was fairly sure that Mattie and Consti weren't into flower scents.<br />I flicked on the lights and saw a bouquet of flowers on the computer desk with a small note attached. I approached the desk cautiously, the sunflowers and gerber babies looked friendly enough, but their appearance was a little strange. <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh... Mattie!</span> I laughed suddenly wondering why I hadn't thought of it sooner, where did he get time to get me flowers? I pulled the card off the holder and tore open the note.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Carlie, was just thinking about you. Wanted to say good luck and I can't wait to see you in Russia...</span><br /><br />The signature on the bottom of the card was not Matties. I hastly shoved the small card into my back pocket and began to freak out. <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh my god... oh my god... oh my god... </span>I had to get rid of them. <span style="font-style: italic;">Why? It's not like I'm hiding anything... Why would he send me flowers... Okay. Calm down. You're over reacting. He was just wishing you good luck is all... Mattie would believe that right... <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span></span>I let out a groan. No guy would be ok with another guy sending his girlfriend flowers and then basically promising to see them somewhere.<br />I didn't have much time, Mattie could be on his way down. The window was already half open so I pushed it up the rest of the way. The screen came off easily and I hastly set it on the floor. For an unexplainable reason I pushed the flowers up to my face and took a whiff before I tossed them out the window.<br />I had just put the screen back on when Mattie came in. "It smells weird in here..." He said, looking around the room before shrugging.<br /><br />"Yah... opening a window now!" I laughed, trying not to sound hysterical. "Ummm... I think I'm going to bed now..." I continued, quickly changing into my PJs while Mattie checked his e-mail on the computer. I hoped into bed and rolled over against the wall, Mattie crawled in a few minutes later and curled up around me.<br /><br />"Night babe..." he sighed into my ear, his warm breath blowing across my face.<br /><br />"Night Mattie."<br /><br />He pulled me against him tight and soon his breathing was steady. I continued to lie awake trying to make sense of the note that was in the pocket of the jeans I had just disgarded on the floor.<br /><br />It was well after Consti had come in and feel asleep before I finally gave in to... the words <span style="font-style: italic;">'was just thinking about you' </span>still etched in my mind.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-49740200171648600252009-07-17T17:49:00.000-07:002009-07-17T19:47:49.768-07:00Chapter 13When I rolled over the clock was shining <span style="font-style: italic;">5:58</span> back at me. I let out a sigh and rolled back over, pulling the sheets up over my head. Mattie was softly snoring beside me, taking up much more than his half of the bed; sleeping like a baby. I lay there a few more minutes before giving up on sleep all together, opting for an early morning workout instead. Pulling the covers back off my head and getting off the bed I saw Consti sprawled out across his bed fully dressed, over the covers. <span style="font-style: italic;">Looks like someone had a good night anyway...</span> Grabbing some gym change out of my suitcase, I made my way into the bathroom and changed out of my PJs.<br /><br />I jogged the whole way down to the gym; although it was still fairly dark out I could see everything clearly in the dawning light. I let myself in through the front doors, happy to find them already unlocked. The girl sitting behind the front desk smiled at me as I walked by and I nodded in return before turning the corner and heading into the cardio room.<br /><br />I was sweating heavily by the time I felt someone else in the room. I turned around to see Dean walking up behind me, he was smiling.<span style="font-family: arial;"> </span>"Awful early for the suits to be up isn't it?" I laughed over my shoulder as he stopped behind the bike.<br /><br />"Awful early to be killing yourself on a bike, isn't it?" I retorted, his smile widening.<br /><br />I chuckled and turned back around, slowing the pedals down. He let me finish my cool down before he spoke again. "You heading over to the dinning hall now?"<br /><br />"Yah... I'll be there for 8."<br /><br />"Listen Carlie, I need to talk to you about something..."<br /><br />I let out a sigh and gave Dean my full attention. I'm sure he was probably trying to save me some embarrassment, maybe he was going to tell me that I didn't make the team now and offer to let me leave before the actual cuts were posted. It was the best I could hope for now.<br /><br />"It's about last night, you can't keep doing that, ok?"<br /><br />"Umm... what?" I bit my lip in consideration, this conversation was starting of strange.<br /><br />"Going on defence like that. Carlie, if you make Team USA you're a forward for Team USA. You can't just decide that you're going to play defence and force your team to change position accordingly. You said to me, that you didn't want special treatment, and this is me telling you that you won't get it. You're a good player, we know that; play the game you know, let the defence play theirs." He reached out and gave me a fatherly pat on the shoulder before heading out the door. I leaned up against the stationary bike I had just been riding. What did this mean? He was giving me advice for <span style="font-style: italic;">'if you make Team USA', <span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>not, <span style="font-style: italic;">'when you get home and go back to Junior'</span>. Did this mean I wasn't cut? I headed off to the shower.<br /><br />Not really concious of my actions I somehow showered and dressed, heading off at a brisk pace to the dinning hall. I saw Consti point at me when I got closer and Mattie appeared on the otherside of him, relief flooding his face. "Where did you get off to this morning?" He asked pulling me into a tight hug.<br /><br />"I couldn't sleep, just decided to go on the bike for a bit... we should probably get in there." I said nodded over towards the door people were now passing through. Mattie took my hand and lead me in, Consti, Carrol and Marty in tow.<br /><br />"You seem in a much better mood?" Mattie suggested, a question more than a statement.<br /><br />"Ummm yah, I talked to Dean for a sec this morning. I'm not sure but... I don't think I'm heading home." I was afraid to get into more detail as we took our seats, it would be just my luck to jinx it.<br /><br />"Oh... that's awesome."<br /><br />"Mattie, you have to know you're not going home." I laughed at his worried expression, "You're a shoe-in babe!" I gave his hand a squeeze as the rest of the guys sat down.<br /><br />"How do you think he's gonna tell us?" Carrol asked, glancing around the room, searching for Dean.<br /><br />"Announcement maybe?" Marty said, his head down on the table, clearly more hungover than Consti, who was playing the 'drums' on the table.<br /><br />"Dude, she's hott!" He announced loudly, motioning towards a server in the near-by corner.<br /><br />"Consti, we're about to find out who got cut... we could be going home..." Carrol spat, outraged at Constis' lack of concern.<br /><br />"Yah man, I'd like to take her home..." He laughed, finally catching her eye and smiling. She blushed and turned back to her work. "Al-right..."<br /><br />We groaned in unison, leave it to Consti. "There's Dean!" Mattie said, we all turned to see Dean taking the stage. The dinning hall fell silent immediatly.<br /><br />"Alright everyone, we're posting the names on the wall there," he pointed over to the back wall, "of all the people who are going to be staying with us for another week. If you're name isn't on that list, you will not be playing for Team USA. So enjoy your breakfast and check the sheets on your way out. If you <span style="font-style: italic;">are</span> on the list, then please meet us in the ampitheater at 10am."<br /><br />The hall stayed silent, everyone glancing around at each other, wondering what to do. Consti got up and headed over towards the female server, grabbing a plate off the counter and approaching her. Mattie gave a faultered laugh and looked back at me, fear evident in his eyes. The assistant trainers were now posting sheets on the wall, there wasn't alot of them. The courage I had been given by Dean this morning evaporated as I looked over at the 6 sheets on the wall.<br />A chair scraping on the floor brought my attention away from the wall and back to my table, Marty was getting up and making his way over to the wall. His fingers ran over 5 of the 6 sheets, before he turned and walked back to us. He paused for a minute at the table, looking at each one of us and then over at Consti. "We're all on there... we're all staying." His face changed into a grin as he pulled his phone out of his pocket, his fingers punching out a text as he made his way over to Consti.<br /><br />I couldn't help but smile as relief flooded through me. Mattie stood up and pulled me up beside him, wrapping me in a hug. I wrapped my arms around him and looked down at Carrol, he was smiling towards the wall. Slowly other people in the hall began to get up and make their way over to the list. "Mattie," I whispered, still wrapped around him, "I don't think I wanna stay here for this..." He nodded before turning to Carrol.<br /><br />"We're gonna head back to the room, you wanna come?"<br /><br />"Naw, I'm gonna grab some food I think, I'll meet you there after."<br /><br />I waved goodbye and followed Mattie out of the hall, afraid to meet anyone's eyes on the way out. Now that I was sure I had made it through the cut I could afford to feel bad for other people; and watching other people get their dreams crushed wasn't my ideal start to the day.<br />I felt like singing, I felt like dancing. I was sure that the worse had to be over. Now we would play a tournament, something I was accustomed too, and even though the stakes were higher I felt confident in my abilities. There had been well over a hundred people in the camp, and we had been cut in half. I was better than half of the people that had been here.<br />Mattie was walking with a bounce in his step too, he smiled over at me and took my hand in his as we made our way up the steps into the dorms.<br /><br /><br /><br />Sitting in the ampitheater with the remaining players was such a rush. Everyone was jubilent with the results, and although there was a bittersweet side to the day, we were all pumped to be here. I smiled over at Jake and Aaron, a few rows away, and continued to glance around at the people left. Althought there was about 70 people left, and even though there were a few faces I couldn't find, I was too thrilled that my friends were still with me to let anything break my spirit. As Dean took to the stage again, the hall errupted into cheers. He allowed us to continue our roudiness for a minute longer before holding up his hands in a command of silence. "Congradulations on making it this far! Now, the fun part! All of you will be divided into 6 teams, 11 players per team. You will each have 1 goalie and 2 full lines. Each team will elect a captain and an alternate captain, and it will be up to your elected teammates to make the decisions for the games; you will not have mock coaches this time. Amanda, one of our medical interns for the World Juniors is handing out the team lists. The teams have been selected to be as fair and equal as possible, each list has the room number and names of the people you will spend the next week with, please don't loose it! On next 2 sheets you will notice game times and practice times, I suggest you use them wisely. If you have any questions come see me. You're free to go!"<br /><br />We waited quietly in the back row as Amanda made her way up the isles, handing out packs of paper as she went. When she reached us she passed the last of her stack to Carrol and headed back down the steps. As the sheets made their way down to us, my nerves began to act up again, <span style="font-style: italic;">Please let me have a good team!</span> I sighed to myself. I knew better than to hope for Mattie on the same team, they wouldn't put two of the best players together.<br />Sure enough I was right. My team consisted of only 1 person I knew. I read over each name... trying to put a face to it:<br /><br />Allen, Kris (RW)<br />Anderson, Anderw (D)<br />Butler, Jeremy (D)<br />Doiron, Jonathan (D)<br />Donnelly, Tommy (RW)<br />Jones, Chris (G)<br />Simone, Carlie (C)<br />Stanley, Ethan (LW)<br />Stewart, Peter (LW)<br />Tucker, Eddie (D)<br />Turner, Aaron (C)<br /><br />Aaron, Jake's roommate would be on my team, but not on my line. I tried not to let this bother me, I had been playing games with random people all week, no big deal.<br />I felt Mattie shift beside me and sigh as he gazed down at the last piece of paper in our bundle. "What is it?" I asked leaning over the arm-rest to see his sheet.<br /><br />"The games start tomorrow, my first game is against you..."Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-4038804112735022942009-07-16T18:57:00.000-07:002009-07-16T20:03:36.062-07:00Chapter 12***Sorry this is so much shorter than usual... work and school are really taking a toll on my free time! I just wanted to fire this off and give you guys a little update... I'll be adding another one within the next couple days! Thanks for all the comments! I get really excited when I see them! =D***<br /><br /><br />I had never wanted anything so bad. NHL, acceptance, approval, none of it mattered anymore. I saw their defence struggling, their goalie falter and their forwards near the brink of exhaustion; and I wanted to take them there.<br /><br />It was the last game of the week, <span style="font-style: italic;">the</span> game of the week. I teetered back and forth between victory and defeat, unable to convince myself that I was going to make it to the next cuts. I lead the weeks games in points by a huge margin, followed by Jake and then Mattie, but the trainers were still not convinced that I could play in a league created for men.<br />There was a little over a minute left in the last period, and we were winning by one. The score sat at 4-3, having scored three times and gained an assist I was exploding with energy and adrenalin. I looked up into the crowd to see Mattie sitting in the front row, leaning forward in his seat with his head resting in his hands. He face looked worried, and I saw his eyes move from me, to the coaches infront of him and then back to me. I let out a sigh, <span style="font-style: italic;">what does a girl gotta do around here?</span> I thought with resentment, before heading back to the bench.<br /><br />"Alright, so... let's just run the clock down, a minute-twelve left..." our 'coach' for the night suggested as we gathered around.<br /><br />"I want D!" I shouted, through the crowd of guys infront of me.<br /><br />"Ahh, wh- wh- what?" he stuttered back as the ref blew his whistle.<br /><br />"I'm goin on D ok? Ok, cool!" I skated off towards the ref before he could say anything else.<br /><br />Marty skated up beside me quietly, "I'm taking the face off... you want me to let him grab it?" I nodded as he skated away to turn over the puck. I leaned over, ready to knock a few boys down, catching sight of Mattie in the stands. He was sitting with his hands now completely covering his face, I was sure he was cursing me under his breath; I smiled to myself as the puck dropped.<br /><br /><br />The celebration that ensued that night was dizzying to say the least. I had managed to score again, breaking the record for the most goals ever scored at the training camp and after my decent little stint on defence, everyone was sure I was a shoe-in for Team USA. It seemed that everyone was in high spirits that night, and I couldn't help but realize; some of these guys are going home tomorrow...<br />I was standing in a circle of my 'team mates' at least, the guys I had just finished plaing with and I began to search Mattie out through the crowd. It wasn't hard to find him, he was the only person not celebrating; sitting on the couch, a coke in his hand and his ballcap pulled down low over his face. I said goodnight to the guys around me, laughing at their groans and complaints as they tried to get me to stay, and made my way over to where Mattie was sitting.<br />I held out my hand to him and he took it, pushing himself off the couch and following me back to our room.<br />We walked in a comfortable silence until we reached the room, Mattie pushed open our door and fell onto the bed. I pulled my PJs out of my suitcase and changed quickly, before jumping onto bed beside him. I snuggled up as closely as I could to him; he chuckled and wrapped his arms around me.<br />I pushed my face into his chest and sighed. "Everything alright?" I asked, pulling my head up to look at him.<br /><br />"Yah, worried is all..." he continued to gaze at me intently, his blue eyes filled with concern.<br /><br />"Are you worried about how I'm going to react if I get the boot?" I smiled at him, trying to hide the fact that inside I was terrified.<br /><br />"No..." he shook his head thoughtfully. "Carlie, if I get sent home, are you gonna break up with me?"<br /><br />I started to laugh. I could tell by the look on his face that he was 100% serious, but the idea was so foolish I couldn't help it. "What?" he said, concern filling his face once again, "why is that so funny? I'm serious Carlie!"<br /><br />"I know! That's why I'm laughing!" I pulled myself up towards his face and planted a kiss on his lips. "Mattie," I sighed, "If I get sent home, are you gonna break up with me?"<br /><br />"What? No!" He pulled me into a tight bear hug and I began to laugh again. "Oh, ok yah... dumb question." He started to chuckle too and we lay there laughing for a while.<br /><br />After calming down and laying in silence a bit more Mattie sighed and pushed himself off the bed. "How late do you think Consti will be out for?" He asked as he slid his shirt over his head. I looked over at the clock <span style="font-style: italic;">10:47</span> and then back at him.<br /><br />"Ummm a couple hours maybe, depends how drunk they are." I let out a groan. In a little over nine hours I would know what was going to happen to us, I was never going to get to sleep tonight.<br /><br />"Hmmm... well then, seeing as how tonight could be our last night here... I can think of some goods ways to spend it!"<br /><br />"Oh really? And what would that be now?" I laughed as Mattie pounced on top of me. He brought his lips down ontop of mine and I intertwined my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. He lifted me off the bed and crushed me aginst him as he began to pull my shorts off. As Matties' finger began to push inside of me, I began to forget all about tomorrow morning.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-51812737427149932272009-07-07T18:50:00.000-07:002009-07-08T19:16:04.868-07:00Chapter 11<div style="text-align: left;">I woke up much later then normal, to find myself sleeping on Mattie's chest. I smiled to myself as I allowed my mind to wander back over everything that had happened the night before. After soaking in the warmth of the sun, that was now streaming through the opened window, I pushed myself gently off the bed. I made my way over to the bathroom, stopping to look at Constis' bed; it was made, and it looked like no one had slept in it recently... that was probably a good thing. I laughed to myself as I pushed open the bathroom door and turned on the shower.<br />I stepped into the hot water quickly, having nothing on to strip off. As I continued to think about Mattie and everything that had happened between us, I started to get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I closed my eyes and let the water pour down over me, praying last night hadn't been a mistake.<br />I knew for sure that I was in love with him. Everything about last night had confirmed to me, without a doubt, that he was perfect for me in every way. But I couldn't shake this horrible feeling that was now beginning to dawn on me. What if Mattie didn't actually feel the same way? What if he had just slept with me because I was naked in his bed? All the warmth and perfection I had felt, as I slept in his arms, was all but gone now. Would he still want me now that it was morning?<br />Caught up in my own thoughts, I hadn't heard the door open behind me. "Carlie?" I poked my head out of the curtain to see Mattie standing in the bathroom, wearing a pair of sweatpants. "Are you alright?" He looked afraid.<br /><br />I smiled at him, "Yes... are you?"<br /><br />He started chuckling, "Really? Is that a real question?" He shook his head still smiling, "I don't think I've ever been better." He looked up at me, a serious look pushing the smile off his face. "I'm not really good at this kind of stuff, but I need to say something and I need to say it now, before I let you leave this room..."<br /><br />The feeling of terror returned, as I nodded at him, "alright..."<br /><br />"Carlie, I love you." He said simply. "You're the most important thing to me. I'm sorry that I was too much of a coward to tell you that sooner... I need you in my life always, but I can't just be your friend anymore. I need to know if you want to be with me too?"<br /><br />I smiled, as I felt tears leaking from my eyes, "I love you Mattie, I wanna be with you too."<br /><br />His smile returned and he stared at me for a minute. "So... you got room for one more in there?" he asked nonchalantly. I laughed as I reached out and pulled and him into the shower, sweatpants and all.<br /><br /><br /><br />It felt strange but nice walking hand in hand with Mattie down to the ampitheater. Although I had always walked places with him like this, over the course of 24 hours it had taken on a completely different meaning; one I enjoyed.<br />Carrol, Consti and Marty were waiting for us outside the ampitheater doors, all three were smirking at us as we made our way over. I felt my face get hot as I thought about why they were smiling, I knew I had nothing to be ashamed of, but this was untraveled territory for me.<br />I looked over to see that Mattie was blushing too, this made me laugh. He looked over at me and started laughing too, we walked, still smiling past the guys; they followed us silently in.<br /><br />We filed into the back, grabbing seats that were separate from the majority of people. As we all sat down Mattie kept me close to him, refusing to let go of my hand. "So... I'm gonna go out on a limb, and assume your date with Jake didn't go so good?" Consti said in a carring whisper. Shock hit me hard and I looked over at him to see that he had fallen into silent laughter with Carrol, before I knew it I was laughing too.<br /><br />"Not so much, no..." I shook my head, smiling and giving Mattie's hand a squeeze.<br /><br />"That's no good, sorry you had a bad night..." Marty added, forcing Consti and Carrol into renewed laughter.<br /><br />"Hey now!" Mattie called out, "It wasn't all bad... right?" He asked suddenly, turning to look at me, terror evident on his face.<br />All I could do was laugh out loud, unable to deny his fear. After looking back and forth at all of us, he sighed and shook his head, unable to keep this smile off his face. "I hate you guys..." He muttered under his breath as Dean took the stage.<br /><br />"Alright, alright... calm down everyone!" Dean yelled into the mic, holding his hands up. "This week we're going to be playing 2 hockey games a day. The teams will change each day, and they will be selected at random. These games are to give us an idea of what you'll each be like as part of a group, and the fact that they'll be changing all week will show us your ability to constantly adapt and be a flexable player. Keep in mind that on saturday, half of you will be going home. So play smart, and play hard."<br />Dean took a step back from the microphone to allow his words to sink in. The atmosphere of the room had changed rapidly, all accept for Consti, who was still sitting in his chair with a stupid grin on his face; his eyes every now and then looking over in Matties' direction.<br />"So, head to the cafeteria for breakfast, and the assistant trainers will hand out your team lists for the week."<br /><br />We all got up slowly, and silently followed the crowd out the doors. We were all somber, caught up in the fear of going home. "So... you think they'll have pancakes?" Consti asked, snapping us all into reality.<br /><br />"You're thinking about food?" Carrol asked outraged.<br /><br />"I'm hungry!" Consti shot back defensively.<br /><br />"You're incredible you know that?" I said, my voice full of disdain.<br /><br />"Oh, thanks Carlie... don't let Mattie hear you say that though... he'll get self-concious about his performance!" Consti laughed over his shoulder as he sprinted off to the dinning hall, leaving all in disbelief. <br /><br /></div>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-29510760091761410992009-07-06T19:42:00.000-07:002009-07-06T19:55:47.494-07:00Chapter 10<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">***Content Warning... just FYI lol***</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">I had no idea what I was going to do, or what had just come over me.<br /><br />I was full-on running towards our dorm, praying Mattie was there, but praying that he wasn’t. I stood in front of the door for what felt like forever. Finally I turned the handle and let myself in.<br /><br />I looked over to see Mattie sprawled out in his bed, lying on his stomach. He had the window opened all the way, and was sleeping in just his boxers. There was more then enough moonlight shinning through the window for me to see just how peaceful he looked; so peaceful that I almost chickened out… almost.<br /><br />I had no idea what had come over me, I had never so much as even kissed a boy, and a few hours ago I had never even thought of Mattie as anything more then a friend; and now here I was, aching to touch him. I knew I would never be able to explain to him through words all the things I had discovered about myself tonight... I figured the physical side might work better.<br /><br />I sighed to myself, I must have always knows, always known that I wanted to be with him, I just managed to ignore it. It seemed so forbidden to want him, but now I could hardly believe that I had never tried to be with him before.<br /><br />I pulled my shirt up over my head and slid my skirt over my thighs and down to the floor. Although it was a hot night my skin was covered in goosebumps and my heart was pounding. I was shaking slightly and was almost worried that the pounding of my heart and my elevated breathing would wake him up before I was ready for him to see me. I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. I took a few deep breaths and opened my eyes. As quickly as I could I climbed over Mattie onto his bed, before I could change my mind.<br /><br />As I laid down beside him my whole body was tingling with anticipation and for the first time in my life I didn’t felt confident off the ice. Mattie wanted me. He had always wanted me and I had been too stupid to see it. How many years had I wasted? I didn’t even want to think about it any longer, I reached out and touched his cheek with my hand. He stirred but didn’t wake up, I snuggled up next to him and began putting light kisses along his jaw bone towards his mouth. When I brought my eyes back to his face I saw that he was wide awake, staring at me. He rolled over onto his side to face me with his body.<br /><br />“Hi…” I said for lack of anything better to say. I gazed into his eyes. He just continued to stare at me. I felt fear for the first time, what was I thinking? How had I just taken Jake’s opinion on this? I should have checked with Carrol! How would I ever live this down?<br /><br />I started to pull my body away from him, I averted my eyes down not wanting to meet his gaze any longer. When my eyes ran over his muscular body again, I saw his shape through his boxers and knew that Jake hadn’t been wrong, that I hadn’t been wrong.<br /><br />“No” he murmured, pulling me against him again, “Stay… please…” And then his lips were on mine. Softly and timidly he began to trace my lips with his tongue, looking for access; which I granted. He kissed me deeply, pulling me underneath him and holding me firmly. His hands began to wander down my back, sending chills all over my body. He pulled himself off of me to kneel on his bed, he gently lifted me up towards him again. Staring into my eyes he reached behind my back and undid my bra. I pulled it off of my shoulders and let it drop onto the floor. I felt the intensity of his eyes on my body, drinking it in. I couldn’t help but stare at his body, how had I never noticed how perfect it was?<br /><br />His tongue traced a line down my throat onto my chest, as his hands once again pulled me close. My hands rested on his shoulders allowing him the room he needed. He began to kiss and nibble his way down to my stomach and I began to loose control. He quickly flipped me down onto his bed again and climbed on top. He continued to kiss his way down stopping only to remove my boy shorts and toss them aside.<br /><br />I could only close my eyes as he pushed my legs open and his tongue began to move around me. I let out a moan of pleasure and he pushed his tongue inside me in response. I felt like I would explode if I didn’t touch him soon and I began to pull away.<br /><br />His mouth left me then and he was sitting up in between my legs, staring at me. I propped myself up onto my elbows and he slid a finger inside of me. My eyes rolled back and I let my head follow; I only had a quick second to stare at the ceiling before he inserted another finger and my eyes closed as I inhaled quickly.<br /><br />He began to move his fingers rapidly, and I couldn’t hold myself up any longer. I fell back onto the bed, moaning quietly as his fingers reached in deeper, exploring. To my dismay he pulled his fingers out. He pushed his body back on top of me, and as his lips found mine, I entwined my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer.<br /><br />When, and only when I was desperate for air did I break the kiss. We were sitting up now and I was straddling him. I pushed him back onto his bed, and grasped the top of his boxers in my hands, I gently pulled them down, kissing every inch of him on the way.<br /><br />I discarded his boxers on the floor with my clothes and took him inside my mouth, it was his turn to moan as he reached the back of my throat and I began to slowly pull him in and out. His moaning became more intense as I increased the pace, when he suddenly sat up and gently pulled my mouth up to meet his.<br /><br />Once again he pushed me down and stretched out on me, his body was hot, and covered in sweat. His weight crushed down on top of me. He stared at my face for a moment, a questioning look in his eyes. I knew what he was asking and so I answered by crossing my legs around his lower back and pulling him towards me.<br /><br />He pulled away, just enough that he was staring down at me, propped up on his arms. He allowed himself to enter me slightly; just enough that I moaned the loudest I had that night. I bit down hard on my lower lip and braced my arms above my head, against the wall. He began to smile then, as I tried to pull him inside me with my legs, he resisted. When I tried to pull him in more, his smile grew bigger, and he continued to resist the pressure of my legs on his back. Finally I dropped my legs from around his back and began to arch my body towards him. His greedy, full lips found my chest and his tongue began it’s travels again. I quickly dropped back down, not being able to take more of his touch.<br /><br />He began to rotate his hips in small circular motions, and before I was consciously aware of it I was moaning his name. He continued to stare down at me, soaking in the moment.<br /><br />“Please Mattie…” I finally sighed. I put my legs back around him and braced myself against the wall with my hands again. “Please Mattie… I need you…please…” I didn’t care that I was begging, I looked up into his face and his answering smile was blinding.<br /><br />“Carlie…” He whispered softly, bringing his smile down to meet my mouth. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that.” He grasped my shoulders firmly in his hands and pushed himself deep inside me as I let out a squeal of pleasure.<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Mattie’s POV<br /></div><br />I thought it had been a dream, I was sure of it. Carlie was beside me, kissing me and any moment I was going to wake up to disappointment; finding her sleeping soundly beside me. But she had whispered ’hi…’ self-consciously and then she began to pull away, two things she had never done before in my dreams. I pulled her close and then I knew for sure I wasn’t dreaming. Somehow she had ended up here, under me, wanting me. I wasn’t about to ask why or how… all I cared about was that she was here. I had tried to go slow, I knew it was her first time but I couldn’t help myself… I needed her so bad. I was afraid to let go, afraid that she would change her mind.<br /><br />I remember the tempo we had found together, something so new and exciting, yet so familiar and perfect. I looked at her now, curled up beside me; her legs still tangled in mine. I smiled as I thought about how beautiful she was, even more so then I thought possible. Best of all she had enjoyed it, <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> enjoyed it. I don’t think I coul ever forget how perfect she looked as she moaned my name, pulling me in deeper. When her legs began to quiver and I felt her muscles contract around me I thought for sure I couldn’t handle anymore. I had held on though, and I had taken her over the edge again. Now here she was, still beside me.<br /><br />There was no way I could sleep, I was exhausted but I needed her again. I needed her as many times as I could have her before the morning came, I was still afraid that tonight was all a dream and I would wake up and she’d be gone. Listening to her moan my name and squeal every time I pushed into her had only made me realize that there was nothing in the world I wanted more then to make her call out my name again and again. <br /><br />I pulled her close to me and began to kiss her. She woke up groggily, but soon she was smiling back at me and squeezing closer. Staring into her gorgeous brown eyes I can’t help but wonder, why had I been stupid enough to hide from her? <br /><br /></div></div>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-17899232886459158172009-07-06T15:44:00.000-07:002009-07-06T19:42:46.757-07:00Chapter 9<div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Mattie's POV<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;">Carlie and I headed down to training shortly after the guys left. She was in a much better mood then I would have thought; I was expecting her to be much more subdued after last night. Almost like she was on a sugar high, I could hardly keep up with her as we headed down to the rinks. She was a few paces ahead of me, bouncing more than walking; she turned around and grinned at me, finally noticing that I wasn't keeping up. "Come on, we're gonna be late!" She laughed, reaching out to take my hand as she pulled me along beside her. She started talking cheerfully about this weekend, and all the time off we had; but I was unable to pay much attention her. Luckily she was too excited to notice my lack of answers.<br />As I staired down at her hand, intertwined with mine, I allowed myself to wonder for the first time if Marty was right. Maybe she did really love me back, and she just didn't know it yet. She did seem in much better spirits since we made up...<br /><br />"So... what are we doing tonight?" I asked, stopping her before she could push the door open.<br /><br />"Oh..." she said, startled, her brow crinkling up as she thought something over. "Actually, I kind of have a date... so I guess nothing too special... I probably won't be back till 8:30 or 9." She smiled up at me, oblivious to the look of shock that had crossed over my face. "We could probably hit up the guitar hero then if you want... oh! or we could watch <span style="font-style: italic;">Stepbrothers</span>! We haven't seen that in a long time."<br /><br />"Mmmmhmmmm..." I nodded, keeping my mouth closed. My mind was racing. <span style="font-style: italic;">How does she have a date? With who? What am I suppose to do?</span><br /><br />"Hey Carlie, you coming in?" Jake asked, pushing open the door behind her. "Oh hey Mattie..." he added, his eyes falling down to look at her hand, which was still holding mine. "Ah, sorry if I'm interrupting anything..." He said slowly, walking out to stand beside us.<br /><br />"Oh no! We were just making plans for what we were going to do after you and I got back from dinner." She answered, still holding onto my hand. Jake and I both looked at each other, he looked like he wanted to punch me; I felt like I wanted to punch him. We stood for a while stairing each other down, Carlie oblivious in between us.<br /><br />Jake cleared his throat, "We should go... <span style="font-style: italic;">Carlie</span>."<br /><br />"Oh!" She said dropping my hand, "we're probably late!" With that she turned on her heel and ran through the doorway, waving goodbye to me over her shoulder. Jake watched her leave, then turned and shot me one last dirty look before following her through the door. <span style="font-style: italic;">God I hate him!<br /><br />Okay, so that wasn't totally fair. </span>I thought again, <span style="font-style: italic;">after all he did talk to me this morning and he did get Carlie to come back to the room... but still, what an ass!</span> I sighed and went through the door, heading down to rink C.<br /><br /><br />After training I went up to Carrol and Marty's room, not wanting to watch Carlie get ready for her date with Jake. They were both already there; Carrol watching some hockey videos on youtube, Marty talking on the phone with his girlfriend. I flopped down on Carrol's vacant bed and sighed. After waiting a minute and not having either of them take any notice of me, I let out an even bigger sigh.<br />Carrol started to laugh and finally turned his attention to me. "Problem Mattie?"<br /><br />"She's going on a date with <span style="font-style: italic;">him</span>." I spat the last word.<br /><br />"Babe, I'm gonna have to let you go alright? ...yah... I'll give you a call later, love you." Marty said into his phone, before he set it down and sat up to face me. "Well, what are you gonna do about it?"<br /><br />"What am I suppose to do about it? She already made the plans... she's getting ready now."<br /><br />"You could go tell her you don't want her to go..." Carrol suggested, shrugging his shoulders. "If you told her why, she'd probably stay."<br /><br />"I don't want her to stay because she feels bad for me... or because I ruined her night-"<br /><br />"We're not saying that's why you should tell her Mattie... I mean, think about it from her point of view. What if she really does love you? What if she starts dating this Jake guy, then finds out that you liked her all along? What kind of a position does that put her in?"<br /><br />I sighed, putting my hands over my face. I normally didn't cry, ever; but lately it seemed like I couldn't help myself. "I just don't think I can..."<br /><br />"Shit, I gotta go for a sec... I'll be back in a bit." Marty sighed, getting off his bed, "you stay here." He warned, pointing at me.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Marty's POV<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br />Don't send a boy to do a man's job, </span>I sighed as I made my way down the stairs. I already knew the way to Jake's room, having gone there earlier in the week with Consti. I hoped this conversation wouldn't be as stressful, but then again, it was probably going to be worse. I sighed again as I knocked on his door.<br />His roommate answered, he took one look at me and then went to shut the door, I held out my hand and stopped it easily. "I need to talk to Jake man..." He glared at me and put more force on the door. I continued to hold my hand out, hardly noticing the increase in pressure. "This isn't like last time... for real." He continued to size me up, before shaking his head and walking back into the room. I followed, just in time to see Jake walk out of his bathroom.<br /><br />"What do you want?" He stopped, giving me yet another dirty glare. <span style="font-style: italic;">Good think looks can't kill...</span> I laughed to myself.<br /><br />"I need to talk to you."<br /><br />"Yah, didn't we already do that? Look... whatever you say, I'm going with Carlie so... you're wasting your time."<br /><br />"I didn't come here to tell you not to go." I replied simply.<br /><br />He watched me for a minute, deciding whether or not I was telling the truth. Finally he sighed, "Fine, what do you want then?"<br /><br />"I want to talk to you."<br /><br />"Ummm, I gotta go and... I'll just... I'll be back in a bit." His roommate said, getting up and walking quickly out of the room.<br /><br />Jake sat down on one of the beds, "Alright, go."<br /><br />"Don't you even want to know why we said those things to you?"<br /><br />"Well, I figure it's cause... you don't want me going out with Carlie..."<br /><br />"Obviously... don't you want to know why though?"<br /><br />"I don't know... over protective friends?"<br /><br />"She's in love with Mattie."<br /><br />He folded his arms over her chest. "Naw, I don't think so." He started shaking his head. "It's obvious that your boys' in love with her but, if she loved him she'd be with him."<br /><br />I started laughing, "So, you've never noticed how Carlie tends to... oh I don't know... how she tends to not notice 99% of the things that go on around her when she's off the ice?"<br /><br />He continued to stare at me, and I knew this conversation was a lost cause. "Alright, I'll go. I just wanted to let you know, we did what we did because Mattie's a good guy... he's spent his whole life trying to pluck up the courage to tell Carlie how he feels." I got up and walked over to the door. "She does love him though, you know? I hope you remember that when she's out with you. She should be with him, not you." I closed the door behind me before he could say anything, and I made my way back upstairs.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Carlie's POV<br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;">I was bouncing around my room in what felt like the hundreth outfit that I'd tried on, waiting on Jake and wondering where Mattie was. I was a nervous wreck. Normally I would rely on Mattie to calm me down but unfortunitly he was MIA.<br />I continued to bounce around the room until a knock at the door caused my heart to skip a beat. I quickly opened the door and saw Jake, standing there in a pair of fitted jeans and a navy button down shirt.<br />"Wow!" he said, the shock evident on his face as he took in my <a href="http://cuteoutfitsgalore.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/cute-school-uniform.jpg">outfit</a> for the first time. I smiled to myself at his reaction and made a mental note to thank my cousin Jossie for making me buy it last summer. "So... you ready?" he asked, still standing in the doorway.<br /><br />"Yah! Just let me leave a note for Mattie... I'm not sure where he is..." I trailed off, looking for a pen and something to write on. I quickly found a notepad and scribbled: <span style="font-style: italic;">Gone out to eat, be back soon! Love you, C.C. xox<br /></span>I<span style="font-style: italic;"> <span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>tac'd the piece of paper to the bulletion boared above the desk, and turned back to Jake. He was giving my note a hard stare, but he quickly adjusted his face into a smile and followed me out the door. <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /><br /></span>Dinner was slightly awkward, never having been on a date before I wasn't really sure how to act. I tried to be cool and act like this wasn't new to me, but I was pretty sure he saw through me. Jake seemed very distant, he wasn't talking to much; he just watched me alot. When we were done we headed straight back to the dorms, remaining quiet on the walk. We stopped outside the door, Jake staring at me once again.<br />"Umm... so thanks for taking me out tonight." I said, rocking back and forth on my feet. He nodded and continued to watch me. "I guess, I should go find my friends... they're probably wondering where we are."<br /><br />"Are you in love with him?" He asked suddenly, still gazing intently at me.<br /><br />"I'm sorry what?" I said taking a step back, completely at a loss as to what he was talking about.<br /><br />"Are you in love with him?" He asked again, annoyed.<br /><br />"Who?"<br /><br />"Mattie?" He gave a sharp, mocking laugh, like this was 100% obvious.<br /><br />"No! He's my best friend... and why would you ask me this when I'm suppose to be on a date with you?"<br /><br />He leaned back against the wall and finally looked away from me. "He's in love with you... do you know that?"<br /><br />"No he's not-"<br /><br />"Yah he is." He cut me off harshly. "Everyone here knows it. Everyone thought I was mental for getting involved in this but, I just thought you didn't like him like that. But obviously you really didn't know..."<br /><br />"Look Jake I don't know what you're talking about..."<br /><br />"Marty came to my room again, to tell me why Consti did what he did... it's cause Mattie's in love with you and they're trying to keep you single until he gets the balls to tell you."<br /><br />"You're being crazy... you know that right?" I said, getting annoyed finally. I couldn't believe he was acting like this on our date.<br /><br />"Carlie, I like you, and I think you're great. I really hope we stay friends... but I just can't start something with someone when they're in love with someone else. I thought I'd give it a shot, maybe you'd come out with me and realize that you really like me... but I just don't see that happening right now." He trailed off... turning to leave.<br /><br />"So, I guess this is... goodnight?" I asked sarcastically.<br /><br />"Please don't be mad, maybe I didn't handle this in the best way possible but... I promise I mean well? If that counts for anything..." He walked through the doors, leaving me standing on the steps, alone.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What the hell just happened?</span> I asked to myself, turning away from the dorms and walking. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even realize how far my feet had taken me. It was totally dark out now, and I was on the otherside of campus. I sighed, deciding I should head back in... Mattie was probably worried.<br />Half way back I couldn't bring myself to go any furthur. I opted to sit on a nearby bench and try to clear my head. <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br />Mattie? Really... as if that's even possible I mean... we're just friends. I don't even like him like that at all... right? Sure he's cute, and nice, and funny, and sweet, and he's always there for me... always watching out for me. I guess he's attractive... oh! and I love waking up beside him... he's so cute when he sleeps. </span>I let my thoughts run away from me for a bit, sighing to myself as I leaned back on the bench; watching the stars.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;">It would never happen though, I mean... he probably likes someone else anyway. Not that she'd be good enough for him... </span>I started trying to picture the type of girl Mattie would want to date. <span style="font-style: italic;">Probably some blonde bimbo... cheerleader or something... bitch.</span> My breath caught in my throat as I felt a sharp stab of jealousy hit me. <span style="font-style: italic;">Ok, did I really just get jealous over someone I made up? That's probably not a good sign... but, why wouldn't he want me... I mean, I know him better than anyone...<br />Oh...My...God.<br />I do like Mattie... I'm in love with Mattie.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span>It felt like I had jumped into a pool of ice cold water. My lungs felt tight and I was suddenly wide awake. Everything hit me at once. Of course Mattie loved me, what type of guy drives across town to save you from the spider in your room? What kind of guy holds you when you cry? Or knows exactly what you need to hear? Who else but the guy that loves you would give up everything to spend time with you... hold your hand when you walked, or skip the HIM concert they'd been waiting for all year, to stay home and make you chicken noodle soup cause your sick?<br />I pushed myself off the bench and ran as fast as I could back to the dorms. I flew through the door and down the darkened hallway. I stopped to look in at the rec room, which was almost empty; Consti and a handful of people were watching a movie. "Consti!" I yelled, getting the attention of everyone in the room "Where's Mattie?!"<br /><br />He stared at me for a miunte, obviously wondering what was wrong with me. "He's... probably asleep, he had a rough night..."<br /><br />"A rough night... cause I'm an idiot?" I asked, realizing I was out of breath.<br /><br />"... what?"<br /><br />"He had a rough night cause I was out with Jake... cause I'm stupid!"<br /><br />"... ok... see you tomorrow?" He turned his attention back to the movie, glancing every now and then at me. Consti was never the best for serious conversations.<br /><br />"Yah... I gotta talk to Mattie, now!" I shouted over my shoulder. Consti looked dumb-struck but I could have sworn I saw him smile before I rounded the corner.<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span><br /></span><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></div></div></div></div><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></div></div>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-22409321265574752272009-07-04T11:53:00.000-07:002009-07-05T19:09:21.672-07:00Chapter 8I woke up, startled, wondering where Mattie was. Then the previous night all came flooding back to me. I rolled over and looked around, I was still in Jake's room. I was lying on Jakes bed and there was a centre that I recognized lying on the bed opposite me.<br /><br />"Morning," Aaron said, stretching his arms above his head. "Quiet the time last night eh?" I let out a soft whimper. He chuckled, "I wouldn't worry about it, everyone knows the truth about what happened... and I don't think anyone blames you... if my friends did that to me, I would have done alot worse."<br /><br />I closed my eyes trying to not cry again. "I'm not upset that I yelled at Consti, he deserved it. I just can't believe that I hit Mattie, Mattie..."<br /><br />"Hmmm... well I think he'll get over it, if he hasn't already. He looked pretty guilty last night after you left."<br /><br />I allowed my eyes to roam over the room finally, coming to a make shift bed on the floor. Following me glance Aaron said, "Jake went to get you some breakfast, he figured you might not wanna run into your buddies this early."<br /><br />"Oh, he didn't sleep up here...?"<br /><br />"Naw, you know Jake! Always the gentleman, he let you have his bed. Figured you'd want to stay here after everything..." I nodded slowly. My mind was racing but I was still too exhausted to make sense of anything. We both lay there in silence for what seems like a long time, when the door opens slowly.<br /><br />"Oh hey," Jake says, pulling the door closed behind him, "you're awake!" He walks over to the bed and sits down beside me. He hands me a coffee and a muffin, tossing another muffin over to Aaron.<br /><br />Jake watches me as I eat, the atmosphere in the room feels heavy, and we all remain silent. After I'm finished eating Jake sighs and finally speaks again: "So, you should probably go talk to your friend."<br /><br />"I really don't have any desire to see him after what he did..." I began shaking my head, but Jake cuts me off.<br /><br />"I mean Mattie, I was talking to him on my way back and, look, I don't think he even knew about this whole thing until last night... he seemed really sorry though. He said he'd be in your room."<br /><br />I sighed and pulled myself up off the bed. "I really hope he didn't... I owe him an apology either way. I owe you one too..."<br /><br />Jake started laughing, "You don't owe me anything! But, if you really feel bad... you could always, oh I dunno... come out to dinner with me tonight?"<br /><br />"Umm... sure! I'll meet you here around... 6?" He nodded and opened the door for me.<br /><br />Only the Left wingers and Centres had the morning off, so the building was almost deserted. I made my way slowly down the stairs, trying to figure out what I was going to say to Mattie. I stopped outside our door and tried to hear if Mattie was alone. After standing there for a few minutes and not hearing anything, I reached out and opened the door.<br /><br />Mattie was lying on his bed, stairing up at the ceiling. At the sound of the door opening he propped himself up on his elbows and gave me a small smile. I tried to smile back but I felt my face fall into a grimace; he had a fairly noticable bruise on the side of his face. "Oh Mattie," I sighed, I could feel fresh tears forming in my eyes again. He quickly pushed himself off his bed and wrapped me in his arms. "I'm so sorry! I don't know what came over me... I can't believe I did that to you-"<br /><br />"I know, it's ok. I'm sorry too. I should have known something was going on with Consti..." He pulled me in tighter.<br /><br />"I had no right to hit you... I'm so sorry!" I couldn't contain myself anymore and I broke down into deep sobs. He started laughing and pulled me down onto the bed beside him. I curled up next to him and we both laid in silence until I had composed myself.<br /><br />"So... can I tell you what happened? I'm sure Consti will want to talk to you too but, I figure it might be better if you hear it from me right now..." I nodded, burrying my face into his neck as he stroked my hair. "Alright well, I saw you leave and I didn't know where you were going, so I got up to follow. I didn't see you in the hall so I assumed you went into the rec room. When I got in there, Consti and Carrol jumped on me and told me what they'd done. I guess, Consti didn't want you hanging around Jake, so he told Jake that he'd end his hockey career if he didn't stay away from you... When they told me I was so mad that they'd do that to you, but you have to believe that they only have your best interest at heart Carlie, really."<br /><br />"They have a funny way of showing it..."<br /><br />He chuckled, playing with some of my hair before talking again. "Consti said that they saw Jake going upstairs and then you following him. I guess, I just was so angry that I decided to go wait for you in our room. I expected you to come back here, not... well, not confront Consti!" He started laughing loudly. "I've never seen you like that before, ever. You're usually the one reigning us in... Anyway, so I headed back here, planning on telling you what was going on... if Jake didn't already. That's when I heared you yelling at Consti. I figured I'd go down there and try to help you guys out... that's when-"<br /><br />"-when I slapped you in the face... yah. I remember that part." I sighed deeply, trying to figure out what I needed to do to make this right. "Mattie, I will never be able to explain to you how sorry I am... never in a thousand years did I ever think I'd hurt you like that..."<br /><br />"Well it's not so bad, I'm not mad at you anyway. And hey, now I kinda look tough! Well, as long as no one finds out it's from a girl."<br /><br />"Mattie, everyone was there... they already know it was me that hit you."<br /><br />"Oh, oh yah..." He gave a deep sigh, disappointment filling his face, and I couldn't help but laugh at him. He cracked a smile to and we continued to lie on his bed, both of us in our own thoughts.<br /><br />A knock at the door pulled us back into the present and Mattie shouted "Come in!". A frightened looking Consti made his way into the room, followed by Carrol and Marty. The three of them went over and sat down on Consti's bed, while I held my position, still curled up in Mattie.<br /><br />After an awkward couple minutes of silence, Consti and Carrol both started apologizing at once. As angry as I was at them, it was hard to stay mad while I was feeling this content beside Mattie, and we both burst out into laughter before Consti and Carrol could finish.<br /><br />"Ummm... does this mean we're off the hook?" Consti asked, confusion evident on his face.<br /><br />"Hmmmm..." I sighed, finally pushing myself away from Mattie, who was now laughing into his pillow. "Well, I'm a little mad... and I'm still upset that you guys would do this. But, seeing as how I hauled off and hit Mattie... and he's not angry... I figure I kind of have to let it go."<br /><br />Both Consti and Carrol gave audible sighs of relief, while Marty just laughed along with Mattie. I figured I could do with a shower so I got up and made my way into the bathroom, giving the Consti and Carrol a quick hug before closing the door behind me.<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Mattie's POV<br /></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span></span>As annoyed as I still was at them, I couldn't stay mad any longer. Carlie didn't hate me, we were fine, and that was really all I cared about.<br /><br />"So how much did you tell her?" Consti asked, once the sound of water could be heard from the bathroom.<br /><br />"I told her the truth, about how I found out... and then I lied to her about why you did it."<br /><br />"Why didn't you just tell her the-" Carrol began, but I stopped him.<br /><br />"Why didn't I tell her the truth? 'oh hey Carlie, so... guess what?! Consti and Carrol were just trying to make sure no one hit on you because I'm in love with you and I'm too chicken shit to say anything', I'm sure she'd love that!"<br /><br />"Mattie," Marty began quietly, putting down his cell phone for the first time. "She's in love with you, even if she hasn't realized it yet. Everytime I come into this room she's curled up around you, or sleeping beside you. Anytime I see you guys outside your holding hands or walking with your arm around her... girls don't just hold on to the same guy <span style="font-style: italic;">all the time</span> unless they care about him."<br /><br />"But you don't know that for sure, and I won't risk ruining everything we have." I groaned and put my hands over my face. I was exhausted, I didn't get any sleep last night; I was too worried about her, and whether or not she hated me.<br /><br />"So, you're ready to spend the rest of your life wondering what could have happened? She's going to eventually find someone Mattie. At least if you tell her and she says no, you know you tried. That's better then watching her with someone else, and you're stuck thinking <span style="font-style: italic;">she could have been mine.</span> I really don't think you want that man."<br /><br />I didn't say anything. I glared at Marty and turned my attention back to the ceiling.<br /><br />"Well, lunch was over like... 5 minutes ago... we gotta get back to training. See you for supper." Carrol sighed, getting up and heading out of the room. Consti followed, waving bye; Marty stopped at the door, looking back at me "Just watch her man, there's no way she doesn't want to be with you... you just gotta get her thinking about it." He closed the door behind me, leaving me alone with my thoughts.<br /><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></div></div>Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-46062862413608407882009-07-04T10:56:00.000-07:002009-07-04T11:48:03.558-07:00Chapter 7I hated being separated from my friends all day. Normally it wouldn't bother me, having to play hockey with a bunch of guys that I didn't know; but this was different. Consti had been right about Jake and his new found hatred for me. It wasn't even the fact that he was ignoring me, but the fact that he had somehow managed to turn most of the other centres against me as all.<br />I tried not to let it bother me, I tried to stay under the radar, but Steckel continued to praise me and Jake continued to hate me.<br /><br />By the time Thursday came I couldn't be more ready for the week to be over; we were scheduled for Rink C in the morning and then the Cardio gym that evening. Mattie had decided that I needed to get away, and so we were going into town that night to see a movie; we both had Friday morning off. I kept thinking about this and trying to remind myself that I actually had something to look forward to.<br /><br />The day went by slowly, and at 4 o'clock I headed out of the gym and straight back to the dorm. When I got back into our room I was alone, <span style="font-style: italic;">Mattie must still be on the ice</span>, I thought to myself, a little disappointed. I grabbed a change of clothes and headed into the bathroom, deciding I might as well get ready while I wait for him.<br />When I came out of the shower I saw Mattie sitting on his bed, waiting for me. "I figure we could go in early and grab something to eat... if you want."<br /><br />"Sure!" I smiled, anything sounded like a better idea then kicking around here.<br /><br />We made our way out of the dorms, walking by the rec room as we left. I looked over and saw Jake play pool with some other guys. He looked up at me, looked at Mattie and then back at me; he looked almost sad. I didn't have time to think about it though, before I knew it we were outside and heading towards the sidewalk.<br /><br />The movie was super lame, but I had a good time. Mattie and I laughed at all the fake explosions and horrible acting, causing us both to tear-up; much to the annoyance of the people around us.<br />After it was over we made our way back to the dorm slowly, Mattie seemed to want to stay out even more than I did. I thought that was weird, he was having a better time at the camp then I was.<br /><br />Eventually we reached our room. I went into the bathroom and changed into a par of old ripped sweat pants and a sports bra. I was on my way out when I heard a knock at the door. Mattie was already in his PJs pants, fooling around on his laptop, so I opened the door.<br />Jake was standing there, looking terrified. "Are you alone?" He almost whispered.<br /><br />"What is this about?" I said hotly, Jake was the last person I wanted to see right now.<br /><br />"Shhh... are you alone?" he whispered back more urgently.<br /><br />"No, Mattie's here... why?" my curiousity getting the best of me. Jake started walking backwards, signaling me to follow. I looked over my shoulder at Mattie who was too ubsorbed in his computer to even notice what I was doing. Sighing, I shut the door behind me and followed after Jake.<br />Before we reached the rec room he stopped and pulled me close to him. "What do you think you're-" I started to push away but he shushed me again.<br /><br />"I'm in room 412, alright? Just follow after me in a second." He walked quickly up the stairs, leaving me in the middle of the hallway, totally confused.<br />I counted till 10 and then followed after him, I walked past the rec room window and looked in. Consti, Carrol and Marty were all sitting on a coach, facing the window. They stopped talking when they saw me. Carrol gave me a smile and waved me in, I mouthed <span style="font-style: italic;">'One second'</span> to him before heading up the stairs. When I looked back over my shoulder Consti was glaring ahead of me, a look of pure hate on his face.<br />I was already so confused by the way Jake was now acting that I didn't have the capacity to wonder about anyone else's strange behaviour. I went up two flights of stairs and walked down the hall towards 412.<br /><br />Before I could knock Jake swung the door open and pulled me in. The room was very messy on one side, and it was also empty; besides us. "Ok... seriously!" I said loudly pulling my arm out of his hand "What the hell is this about?"<br /><br />Jake sighed, looking at me intently with very sad eyes. "I just wanted to see you..." he said quielty, looking down at the floor. He turned his back on me and sat at the end of the 'clean' bed.<br /><br />"Oh so, you don't hate me now?"<br /><br />"Carlie, I didn't hate you, I don't hate you..."<br /><br />"Then you just what... decided it'd be fun to avoid me all week?"<br /><br />"I didn't want to. Carlie I really like you and I'm sorry I screwed this up. I feel like such a coward, I was just scared of what -"<br /><br />"Scared of what people would say, if they found out you liked a girl that plays hockey? WHAT'S THE BIG FREAKIN DEAL ANYWAY?!" I yelled, unable to stay clam any longer. Hot tears began to fall from my eyes as I turned back towards the door. "You know what Jake?! I thought you were a nice guy, and I really liked you... but you're no different then any of them. I just want to play hockey, and I just want someone who likes me regardless of what other people think... I thought that could be you but apparently I was wrong." I reached for the handle but Jake was behind me pulling my hand away from the door.<br /><br />"Carlie I like you, alot. The only reason I acted the way I did was because your friend said he'd beat the shit out of me if I didn't stop hitting on you. I was a coward, I should have told him to fuck off but I didn't. I'm sorry I hurt you but I swear I didn't want to. I want you..." He finished softly, pulling me into a warm hug. "If you don't believe me, go ask him."<br />I didn't need to ask who, I already knew, and I already knew where he was. "Wait here..." I said pulling myself out of Jakes embrace and heading out the door.<br /><br />I marched down stairs and into the rec room. I didn't care that the room was packed, the only thing I saw was the look of defeat cross over Constis' face, and I knew everything Jake told me was the truth.<br />"How could you?" I spat across the room at him.<br /><br />"Carlie let's go somewhere else..." Carrol said getting up and starting to walk towards me.<br /><br />"You knew?!" I fired at him. "You knew what he did and you didn't say anything to me?"<br /><br />"Carlie I only did it because-"<br /><br />"I don't give a shit Consti! I don't give a shit why you did it and I don't give a shit what you have to say. You sat there and lied to me! You threatened the guy I like, you lied to me about it and then you sat there and watched me... WATCHED ME CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP!"<br /><br />Everyone in the room was dead silent. All eyes were bouncing back between Consti and me, but I didn't care. "You have no idea what this week was like for me..." I was so upset I didn't even have the strength to yell anymore. I hung my head and felt the tears flowing again. Someone came up from behind me and put their hand on my shoulder. I turned, expecting to see Jake, but instead I saw Mattie.<br /><br />"Carlie... are you ok?" he began, concern crossing over his face.<br /><br />"Did you know?"<br /><br />"Carlie..."<br /><br />"Matthew, did you know about this?" I pointed behind me, over towards Consti and Carrol, my eyes never leaving his. He opened his mouth looking for words; none came, so he closed it. He looked at the floor, then at Consti and Carrol, then finally back at me; where he nodded, tears forming in his eyes.<br />Before even considering what I was doing I slapped Mattie across the face hard. "You're suppose to be my best friend..." I whispered, covering my face with my hands and sobbing.<br /><br />"Carlie, Carlie come here..." Jake was there then. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me past Mattie, out into the hallway. He grasped my hand firmly in his and lead me back up the stairs. I followed him into his room, never looking back once.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-19872356299694532822009-07-01T11:46:00.000-07:002009-07-01T18:21:55.321-07:00Chapter 6When I walked out into the sunshine around 7:45am I saw Mattie, Consti, Carrol and Marty all standing in a group waiting for me. It was an absolutly prefect day out and I was fairly pleased with the weather and my outfit selection. I was wearing an extremely short pair of black spandex shorts, a white CROSBY shirt, and some running sneakers. After giving up on trying to do anything more attractive with my hair, I had opted to pull it back into a long ponytail.<br /><br />As I approached the circle they were standing in, I caught wind of their conversation. "I'm just freaking out, you know? There's always been pressure but every since we got here... I'm just terrified this is going to end badly. I can't consentrate on anything else, I feel like I'm watching everything slipping away from me..."<br />Mattie had his back to me, but I could tell from the tone of his voice that he was on the verge of tears. I was surprised that he was this upset. He had never mentioned anything to me about this... <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh, maybe that's what he was trying to tell me last night!</span><br /><br />I felt awful. Some friend I was! Mattie was so upset about the tryouts and I hadn't even talked to him about it... why hadn't I realized this sooner? As I reached the group, they all turned around to greet me; I quickly pulled Mattie into a tight embrace. "Don't worry about it Mattie," I said holding him close, "Everythings gonna work out, I promise." As I pulled away he gave me a small smile, I looked around and saw Carrol, Marty and Consti all grinning at each other; obviously they weren't as nervous about today as Mattie was.<br /><br />"Well, we should get going." Carrol finally said breaking up the silence. "Sucks that we're being separated again though..."<br /><br />"Pfft!" Consti exclamed throwin his muscular arm around Marty. "Speak for yourself - wimpy forward - us defencemen stick together!" Marty slung his arm around Constis' shoulders too and we all laughed at the looks they recieved, as we headed down to the ampitheater.<br /><br /><br />"Alright everyone! Alright!" Dean was standing at the podeum trying to get everyone to stop talking; there was alot of energy in the room for 8am. "So as I said last night, today you'll be divided into groups based on your positions. First however, allow me to introduce to you our special guest instructors."<br /><br />I scanned the room quickly, trying to find Jake through the crowd. I finally found him a few rows ahead of me. He smiled and I waved before turning my attention back to Dean at the podeum.<br /><br />"Goalies!" Dean roared, getting the full attention of the room. "Let me introduce you to your specialty instructor, from the Tampa Bay Lightning, Mike McKenna."<br /><br />"Holy shit!" Consti half jumped out of his seat as the room errupted with applause and Mike McKenna took to the stage. "You mean the speicalty instructors are NHL players?!"<br /><br />"Right Wings, say hello to Boston Bruins' Blake Wheeler!"<br /><br />"SHUT UP!" Carrol jumped out his seat, "Chillin with Wheeler?! Yah right!"<br /><br />"Left Wings, give a warm welcome to Erik Cole of the Carolina Hurricanes, and Defence, let's hear it for the Pittsburgh Penguins own Hal Gill!"<br /><br />That was it for me, I couldn't care less that I wasn't a defencemen... Hal Gill?! Here! I jumped up and down screaming at the top of my lungs, until Marty pulled me back down into my seat, laughing. "Wishing you were coming with me today I take it?"<br /><br />"OH MY GOD I HATE YOU!" I shouted slapping his arm, "Ugh! A Penguin?! So not fair!"<br /><br />As Dean went to announce the name of the centre instructure I couldn't help but pray in my head; <span style="font-style: italic;">Crosby, Crosby, Crosby... I don't care that he's Canadian.... Please be Crosby!</span> As if reading my mind Mattie whispered in my ear "You know Crosby's probably not gonna be here right?"<br /><br />I gave him my best puppy dog face and he laughed, "If it was up to me I would buy him for you." I giggled and turned back to Dean who was still laughing with Hal about the commotion his appereance had caused in the camp.<br /><br />"Don't worry centers, I haven't forgotten about you! Meet your instructor for the week, from the Washington Capitals', David Steckel. " Steckel took the stage and gave the crowd a warm smile.<br /><br />"Hmmmm..." I said leaning back in mock contemplation, "Yes... that'll do nicely!" I concluded, nodding. Mattie, Consti and Marty all burst into laughter.<br /><br />"Let me tell you each where you'll be heading, and then our NHL guests and their world junior assistants will meet you there and hand out your schedules for the rest of the week. You're time will be divided between the rinks, the weight gym, the cardio gym and some free time." Dean announced over the speakers, drawing the crowds attention once again. "Goalies, to Rink A. Defence to Rink B. Right Wings to Rink C. Centers to the weight gym and then finally Left Wings to the cardio gym."<br /><br />Most people got up right away, streaming out of the doors anxious to begin; my friends and I however, stayed seated. "UGH! Cardio gym for the loss." Mattie sighed.<br /><br />"Pretty sweet about time off though? Maybe we'll get some nights off together." Carrol suggested. With that we all got up and made our way back outside. Marty, Consti and Carrol all made their ways over to the Rinks and Mattie and I headed towards to gym.<br />Once we got inside Mattie sighed and waved goodbye to me as he started towards the cardio room. I laughed at his complete disappointment as I headed up the stairs with the other centers.<br />When we reached the weight room one of the assistant trainers called us over to the open floor and told us to take a seat on the floor. Steckel came in with a clipboard and began the roll call, when he called Jakes name I looked over towards where his voice had come from, to find him already looking in my direction.<br /><br />"... Simone, Carlie..." Steckel stopped, taking special care to look directly at me when he called my name.<br /><br />"Here." I smiled and waved my hand a bit, trying to ignore the fact that everyone in the room was watching my closely.<br /><br />"Nice to meet you finally, I've heared alot about you." He smiled and continued with the roll call. <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh, that's just great!</span> I sighed to myself, so much for trying to blend in.<br />Once Steckel was done checking off names he instructed us all to spend ten minutes stretching and announced that after lunch we would be heading to Rink A.<br /><br />"The way this is going to work," Steckel started "is that we will be spending the morning - from 9-12 - in our designated area, taking a one hour lunch break and then moving onto our next area from 1-4. For those of you who are real go getters, I'll be willing to spend extra time from 4-6 working them with and answering questions. So, continue with your warm-up and we'll start our transit on the machines."<br /><br />I made my way over to an empty area and started warming up. I sat down on the floor, went into a sideways split, grabbed my sneakers and leaned forward; becoming completly flat against the floor. "Well, now that's impressive I must say," Jake laughed coming up behind me. He plopped down infront of me and began to do the same exercise; not stretching quiet as much as me. We both looked up at each other and laughed. "Yah... doesn't really look the same."<br /><br />We finished strectching just in time to see Steckle take to the middle of the room again. He began to go over his own personal workout routines and we spent the next couple hours working hard to gain his approval. I was on the leg press when he came over to talk to me.<br />"I'm really impressed, you're pressing twice your body weight... I didn't think you'd be able to do that."<br /><br />"Yah well, most of my strength is in my legs so don't get to excited for the upperbody." We both chuckled. "Okay... I'm sorry" I said getting off the machine, "but I need to know... what's he like?" I asked trying to keep the excitement out of my voice.<br /><br />"Umm, what's who like?" Steckel asked, looking confused.<br /><br />"Alex Ovechkin!" I said, unable to hide my excitement this time.<br /><br />"Of course, I should have known! All the ladies wanna know about Ovie." He laughed, shaking his head. "Wait a sec... aren't you from the Burgh?"<br /><br />I started to blush, "Shhhh..." I said pushing my finger against my lips, "don't tell anyone about my dirty secret!"<br /><br />"It's safe with me, well... he's a goofball, a little crazy and loud sometimes but he's a good guy. Hell of a hockey player too."<br /><br />"Prefers blondes though doesn't he?"<br /><br />"Apparently, yah... there's a first for everything though." He said unable to contain his smile.<br /><br />"I won't give up just yet then!" I laughed at him over my shoulder before running down the steps to lunch.<br /><br /><br />When I got back to the room Mattie had some pizza pockets in the microwave for me. "How was your morning?" I asked taking my plate out.<br /><br />"Alright, I'm more excited to just get on the ice again though."<br /><br />"Yah I know, same here... how was Cole?"<br /><br />"He seems pretty cool, just watched us run really, it'll be sweet to say that I got to skate with him though!" Mattie laughed<br /><br />"Yah, Steckel seems pretty cool too... GOD I can't wait to skate!" I exclaimed finishing off my pizza pocket.<br /><br />"Hey, wanna head over early? Get some skating in?"<br /><br />"Sounds sweet!" I shouted, grabbing my skate bag and ran out the door. I was almost outside when Mattie caught up to me, he was laughing. I slowed down so we could walk the rest of the way but he blasted past me out the door. "Oh it's on now!" I yelled, taking off again.<br /><br />We ran right past Jake and a group of his friends. He looked like he had something to say but I just continued to run and flashed him a smile over my shoulder.<br />By the time we reached the gym I was a full 30 seconds ahead of Mattie. I stopped inside the doors and laughed at his how out of breath he was. "Someone needs to lay off the junk food!" I giggled poking him in his rockhard stomach; pretending my finger was getting sucked in.<br /><br />"Kids a freak!" he said bending over "Fastest kid in the world... fastest kid in the world!" He laughed quoting my favorite scene in <span style="font-style: italic;">Superbad.</span><br /><br />We both went into the dressing room and laced up our skates. I was suppose to be heading to Rink A for 1 o'clock and Mattie was suppose to be meeting the other Left Wings on Rink B. We checked the schedule on the wall and decided to spend the next 30 minutes on Rink C, which was free all night.<br /><br />We had been goofing around for about twenty minutes; pushing each other and chasing each other around the rink, when I felt someone watching us. I was pretending to be a speed skater, pushing myself as fast as I could around the rink, leaving Mattie unable to keep up; when I circled back around to face the window's overlooking the rink I saw a group of people watching us.<br />"Looks like we got a fanclub, or should I say... the sexy lady in the spandex has a fan club" Mattie laughed from the otherside of the rink, obviously he had noticed too. Two men were standing on the far left of the windows and there was four other people - three men and one woman - watching me. When I got close enough to the two men I recognized Dean and one of the 'centre' training staff smiling down at me. They looked extatic as they talked to each other quickly, pointing all over the ice and moving their hands quickly; that seemed like a good sign. My curiousity carried me at a slow speed over towards the other set of windows, but the people were too far away for me to make them out.<br />I headed back towards Mattie and he suggested we head to the right rinks. I waddled in my skates across the hall to Rink A and saw that some of the centers were already on the ice. I opened the rink door and started walking down towards the ice surface when someone yelled my name.<br />"Carlie!" I turned to see Dean standing by the rink with the same trainer from before and a man in a suit. "Carlie come down here, there's someone I want you to meet."<br />I continued down to the ice and made my way over to Dean, Jake waved at me from the blueline; I smiled back.<br />"Carlie, Mario... Mario, Carlie." He said simply. The man in the suit held out his hand and I shook it, still paying more attention to Jake than the man that had my hand.<br /><br />"You're fast!" He laughed, "I thought Sid was fast but, I don't think he could even catch you..."<br /><br />"I'd pay to see that race though. It'd do him good to loose to someone... it doesn't happen to often." A woman laughed, coming up to put her arms around the man infront of me. This sudden new addition caused me to move my wandering eyes from Jake back to Dean and his companions.<br /><br />"HOLY CROW!" I yelled covering my mouth and jumping backwards. "You're Mario Lemieux!!"<br /><br />Mario and his wife both laughed. They were two of the people that had been watching me before. My yell had gotten some attention though and the two other men that had been watching me skate appeared beside Mario. Hal Gill and...<br /><br />"Hi, I'm Sidney." He said simply, extending his hand. I just stared at it, my hands still infront of my mouth. After what seemed like forever, I still hadn't moved a muscle. Mario, his wife, Dean and Hal all started to chuckle; Sidney blushed and pulled his hand back, looking uncomfortable.<br /><br />"Ummm," I said slowly walking backwards. "I should... go... I love you!" I yelled before jumping out onto the ice and speeding towards the rest of my class.<br /><br />My appearance caused everyone to turn around, and someone yelled "Is that Sidney Crosby?!" I turned bright red as everyone turned to look over at Sidney and Mario. Jake looked at my flush cheeks confused. I skated up beside him.<br /><br />"I just told him that I loved him..." I sighed covering my face with my hands. Jake and the guys around him laughed loudly.<br /><br />Steckel took the ice and talked to us about what it was like to play at a high level of hockey and started going over plays on a board that had been brought onto the ice. While he was talking the assistant trainers were setting up pilons on the ice, and they brought out a bucket of pucks and a net, complete with a goalie. Everyone was given a stick and we were told to line up. in two teams. We were suppose to go through the pilons as fat as we could and shoot the puck. Each person had to go 5 times we would see what team could finish first.<br /><br />I was at the start of the line, Jake was very close behind me. "Good luck Carlie." He whispered in my ear, sending chills up my spin. <span style="font-style: italic;">God, why am I still wearing spandex shorts?</span> I sighed, I was shaking from cold and Jake wasn't helping at all. Then I looked up and saw Sidney and company watching from behind the net. <span style="font-style: italic;">OH NO! Oh no... I'm wearing a shirt that says CROSBY on the back... He probably thinks I'm the biggest dork ever...</span><br /><br />Steckel blew the whistle and I shot off. I flew through the pilons easily, took my first shot on the goalie, scored and was on my way back through the pilons before my opponent had even gotten through the pilons the first time. I was the fastest person by ALOT and I knew it. Not only was no one able to touch me in speed, but besides me, Jake was the only other person who had scored everytime. My final shot on net, I put it up in the 5 hole and glanced up in time to see Sidney smiling at me and clapping. <span style="font-style: italic;">That's it... I'm gonna puke!</span> I thought as I rushed back.<br /><br />The rest of the night went just as good. I was feeling sooo good about making the team, I felt like a shoe-in. I opted to keep skating once 4 o'clock came, Jake and his friends stayed too. "Looks like we'll be going to Russia together" he winked at me as I did a few laps around.<br /><br />"I gotta make the team first!" I laughed back, as he feel into stride behind me. I returned to the center of the ice and Steckel asked if anyone wanted to do a shootout. We all agreed and then someone came up behind me.<br /><br />"Can I play too?" Sidney Crosby said, coming up to stop beside me.<br /><br />Steckel laughed "Fine, don't show off too much though! You don't wanna hurt anyone's ego." We all laughed and started our game.<br /><br />Sidney and I were playing against each other more than anyone else. When I had seen him off the ice I had felt awkward and scared, but now that we were skating around together I felt confident, comfortable. I was able to laugh at his jokes and poke fun at him. The shootout came down to me and Sidney, he ended up winning of course, but I was super stocked that I had beaten everyone else.<br /><br />We all left the ice and I headed back to the change room to take off my skates. Sidney followed. "So, you're pretty great, you know that?"<br /><br />"So I've been told." I laughed, now that we were off the ice I was starting to get nervous again. After a few minutes of silence I decided that I should say something... but what does one say to Sidney Crosby? "So... you going to be hanging around for the week?" I asked.<br /><br />"No, we're leaving tonight. I just came by the visit Hal with Mario. Well, and to see you of course!"<br /><br />This floored me. "Me?" I asked looking up at him. "Why would you want to see me?"<br /><br />"First girl ever invited to try out for the World Juniors? That's big stuff, wanted to see what all the hype was about."<br /><br />"Oh! And did I live up to it?"<br /><br />He pretended to think hard about this "Well," he said bringing his beautiful caramel eyes down to meet mine "I'd say... yes!" He decided finally.<br /><br />"That's good to know!" I laughed, pretending to whipe sweat off my forhead. "Now that that's settled I have nothing left to worry about!"<br /><br />We both laughed and headed down to the doors. "Hey!" he exclaimed suddenly "You wanna come grab something to eat with us?" He had just spotted Mario outside, waiting for him by the car.<br /><br />"Thank but, I really shouldn't. Mattie's probably wondering where I am."<br /><br />"Oh... well some other time then. I guess I'll see you around... good luck Carlie! Not that you'll need it." He said shaking my hand goodbye.<br /><br />I headed back over to the dorms. Once I got inside I saw Jake, I gave him a smile that he didn't return, after this Consti got up from the seat beside him and headed over to me. We walked back to our room together.<br /><br />"That was weird, Jake didn't say hi or anything." I said, unable to hide my disappointment.<br /><br />"I'd not think too much of it... let's just say from what I can tell, he doesn't like the fact that you're a better hockey player then him."<br /><br />"What?!" I exclaimed<br /><br />"He was talking about your training session today. He seems pretty sour about it."<br /><br />"But I didn't try to... I didn't want to..."<br /><br />"Don't worry about it Carlie, the guys just use to being top shit."<br /><br />Consti opened the door for me and I fell down on the bed beside Mattie exhausted.<br /><br />"So basically..." I began after all three of us were in bed, Mattie getting comfortable next to me. "I'll never be able to have a guy wanna date me, unless I let him beat me in hockey."<br /><br />"What's this about?!" Mattie said sitting up and looking at me.<br /><br />"No!" Consti shot back "What I'm saying is you won't be able to date a dickhead unless you let him beat you in hockey."<br /><br />We all went quiet for a bit. "Should have known... who wants to date the hockey girl right?"<br /><br />"I can think of a few people." Consti mumbled. He seemed pissed and I couldn't place it. I decided he might just be tired. I let out a disappointed sigh.<br /><br />Mattie turned on his side and I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck. Fighting off unexplainable tears I turned into him and wrapped my arms around his neck. He never tried to stop the tears or talk to me, he just held me, and at some point wrapped around him I feel asleep.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-12416155261005364282009-06-30T17:43:00.000-07:002009-07-01T07:29:04.006-07:00Chapter 5Things were already in full swing at the training camp. Monday morning had come quickly, I had already met with the Medical staff at 1:45pm for my turn at the 15 minute 'look-over'. That was awkward. You'd think all those men had never seen a half naked woman before, I couldn't help but laugh a bit thinking back at the look on their faces. Although the 8 men had remained in the room for all the other physicals, 7 of them excused themselves for one reason or another and the poor soul who was left had looked like a deer caught in the headlights.<br /><br />Tuesday I had been able to move into the huge workout facility. I had spent all day getting my body back into shape, using the weight machines on my legs and arms and spending the better part of the day riding the stationary bikes and running. Even though there were other people coming and going I could tell I was already gaining attention. Although I was by far the smallest person here, everyone was beginning to realize that my size wasn't going to be a problem for me: there was a problem beginning to arise with them though - <span style="font-style: italic;">how do we catch her?</span><br />I was the fastest skater I knew, and I hardly ever got tired when it came to anything physical. Although I was short, I had the body for hockey. I was extremely toned everywhere and my lower body had the trade mark big thighs/bigger ass.<br /><br />Carrol, my usual workout partner just laughed the whole time. I was on the bike at one point for over 2 hours, and any time I looked over my shoulder I could see the two assistant coaches staring at me, mouths gaping. "So far so good eh?" He joked, snapping a twisted towel at my lower back as I climbed off.<br /><br />"Hey Carrol, guess what?" I said, following him out of the gym towards the changing rooms.<br /><br />"What?"<br /><br />"I think someone likes me..." I giggled in a sing-song voice. He stopped walking so abruptly that I walked right into his back.<br /><br />"Who?!" He almost shouted, turning around to look me straight in the face.<br /><br />"Well... I don't know if you were talking to Mattie since last night or not but- "<br /><br />"Holy shit!" He squealed taking a step back, throwing his hands over his mouth in complete shock. "He never said, when did he tell you?"<br /><br />"Well, he didn't tell me actually, but I'm like 99% sure he asked me on a date... at least he said he wanted to hang out just us, and whenever I got back to the room and asked Mattie about it, Mattie said that he didn't see why Jake wouldn't want to go on a date with me..."<br /><br />"Wait, what? Jake? Jake who? Like... the guy from dinner last night?"<br /><br />"Yah!" I laughed, "I know, he's totally hot and I never would have imagined he'd even be kind of interested at all but... wait... who were you talking about?" Confusion causing my forhead to crinkle as I thought our conversation over in my head.<br /><br />"Oh, never mind. I just thought you were gonna say someone else..." He said looking off into space.<br /><br />"Oh! Well... what do you think...?" I pressed.<br /><br />"About what?" He said still stairing at nothing.<br /><br />"About what?! What do you think? About Jake?" I was beginning to get annoyed at his sudden loss of interest.<br /><br />"Umm... I don't like him... I'd tell him no." He turned his attention back to me now, "That's just me though... you should just focus on hockey anyway. Come on, let's hit the showers before they get crowded."<br /><br />He turned and continued walking, I followed him into the change room, more confused then ever, and a little hurt.<br /><br /><br />The rest of week one was fairly uneventful. I continued to make waves on the treadmill and was feeling great about the shape my body was in.<br />I was spending almost all of my free time with Mattie; The camp was divided into groups by floor, so I hadn't seen much of Carrol, Consti, Marty or( to my disappointment) Jake.<br />We had seen each other in passing only, but he continued to throw winks and smiles in my direction, making me feel weak in the knees at times.<br /><br />On Sunday night, we had a camp wide meeting in the ampitheater to discuss the plans for the following week.<br />"Hello everyone!" Dean began, "I first and formost would like to congradulate everyone on making it through their first week. As you may already know, tomorrow you will be moving into specialized workshops based on your position; Right wings, Left wings, Centers, Defence and of course Goalies." Everyone in the crowd cheered loudly when their corresponding position was announced. As Dean said Centers I jumped up and down, catching Jakes' eyes through the crowd, he flashed me a giant grin, which I couldn't help but return. "So tommorrow morning bright and early, we're going to meet back here and I'm going to introduce you to your insturctors and let them take it over from there. And listen up guys this last part is important... LIGHTS OUT AT 11PM!" Mattie and I flopped back down into our seats, the astounding 'awwwww' echoed around us.<br /><br />I saw Jake making his way through the crowd, as the people around us began to vacate their seats. "Hey Carlie," He smiled at me, after finally making his way through the sea of people. "Mattie." He nodded in Mattie's direction. Mattie nodded back, keeping his eyes on the ground.<br /><br />"So ummm... what are you up to?" Jake asked, hands in his pockets.<br /><br />"Ah, not sitting in an ampitheater..." Mattie said smirking at his feet. Jake started to blush<br /><br />"Yah," he chuckled sheepishly, "How about, when you leave the ampitheater?"<br /><br />"Probably just heading back to our room. It's after ten now and we have to be up pretty early."<br /><br />"Oh right, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning then... center" He continued to stare at me, smiling.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">God he has a great smile, look at those dimples! And I could just fall into those deep blue eyes...</span><br /><br />"Sounds great... have a good night!" I smiled back getting up.<br /><br />Mattie and I were quiet on our way back to the dorms, he was chewing on his bottom lip; like he always does when he's deep in thought. I decided to let him consentrate on whatever it was he was preoccupied with. It was a good fifteen minutes back to the dorms though, and I was a little chilly. I leaned into Mattie, wrapping my arms around his waste, he put his arm around my shoulder and continued to walk; slowing his pace slightly.<br />This was one of the great things about Mattie. I never felt awkward around him, he wasn't like other guys. As much as I loved Consti, Marty and Carrol I would never feel comfortable enough to let my guard down like I did with Mattie.<br />I allowed my mind to wander, I wonder what we'd be doing tomorrow. Spending all day with Jake certainly sounded like a good idea... <span style="font-style: italic;">Oh no! What was I gonna wear?</span> I almost stopped walking. I had never really put any thought into what I wore but, there was something about knowing someone was going to be looking for me that made me want to look good. I went over in my mind the different things I had for working-out, i.e. the better half of my wardrobe.<br /><br /><br />Mattie and I were curled up on his bed watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Superbad</span> on his laptop, when I could tell something was off. I was the only one laughing and he seemed extremly tense. "Mattie, what's wrong?" I asked rolling over onto my stomach to look at him.<br /><br />"Nothing..." he said giving me a small smile, "Actually that's not true." He stared at me again for a minute and then sat up, moving the laptop off his stomach and setting it at the end of the bed, he threw his legs off the side and sat with his back to me. "I've been putting this off for a long time but I'm starting to think if I don't take the chance now, I'll regret it forever." He looked over his shoulder at me, almost like he was expecting me to understand.<br /><br />I took his silent look as a hint to say something. "I'm sorry Mattie..." I said sitting up behind him "I'm not following you, what are you talking about?"<br /><br />"Carlie... I'm in lo-" He began quickly, getting cut off by a loud bang on the door. "... you've got to be kidding me..." he mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief as he pushed himself off the bed and made his way to our door.<br /><br />As he opened the door wide, the light from the hallway filled the room. I looked up to see a massive figure filling the doorway. "Hi Consti... and Constis' luggage..." Mattie began turning around to give me a puzzled expression. I shurugged in reply.<br /><br />"Outta the way midget! I'm movin in" he announced loudly, pushing past mattie and heaving his suitcase onto my bed with one hand.<br /><br />"Ummmm... something wrong with your room?" I asked him pulling Matties' blanket up around me. It was one thing to hang out with Mattie wearing only a sportsbra, but the last thing I needed was to be mocked by Consti.<br /><br />"Yah... Marty hated the kid he was staying with, so I somehow ended up getting traded. Marty's been staying with Carrol the last couple nights... and I've been staying with the random kid. Let me just say, WOW is he ever annoying!"<br /><br />"So, you decided the best thing to do was come and sleep with Carlie?" Mattie asked crossing his arms over his chest and looking at Consti with an air of disdain.<br /><br />"What? Oh hell no... no offence Carlie!" Consti nodded looking around Mattie; I laughed. "There's just no way I'm gonna fit in one of these beds with someone else... you two are gonna have to bunk over there." Consti announced, as if that had cleared everything up. "Well... I'm pooped so... night!" He flung off his shirt and dropped his pants before slidding into what had been my bed.<br /><br />"Night Consti" I chuckled, lying back down and pushing myself over to make room for Mattie.<br /><br />"I can just sleep on the floor..."<br /><br />"What?" I laughed, "Why would you do that... there's lots of room up here." I smiled, patting the bed beside me. Mattie hesitated but made his way over to me and climbed back into bed, "Besides, you smell awesome!" I sighed, he laughed at that.<br /><br />"Looks like someone's ready for bed." He sighed as I covered my yawn with my hand. He put his laptop on the floor and snuggled up beside me.<br /><br />"Oh Mattie! What were you gonna tell me before Consti came in?"<br /><br />I heared an intake of breath from the otherside of the room and I felt Mattie tense up again. "It's nothing don't worry about it..."<br /><br />"Well ok then, if you're sure..." I closed my eyes and let myself relax.<br /><br />"Shit, sorry if I interrupted anything..." Consti said into the darkness.<br /><br />"No worries man... now shut up and go to sleep." And then I was drifting off to the sound of Mattie's breathing.Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2278136389187207613.post-91683848261062993312009-06-29T20:11:00.000-07:002009-07-01T07:38:24.003-07:00Updates?Hey everyone!<br /><br />So I've been writing almost every night and trying to update as fast as possible... this hasn't been too hard since I haven't really been doing too much else.<br /><br />However, this Thursday I am starting a night course and I am also due to start a job (40 hours a week... yuck!) on Monday.<br /><br />Hopefully I'll be able to keep updating a few time a week, but just in case it starts slowing down, don't think I've forgotten about it!Zighhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04763718264884295201noreply@blogger.com0